even if eternal sadness shakes me

[revitalise]

Who: Tear Grants & anyone who decides to intervene.
When: January 29th
Where: The laboratory.
Summary: It's high time Tear took on facing her Calamity Self, and so she sets forth to hopefully do it on her own.
Warnings: Mentions of bullying and emotional manipulation to start. Her big brother is Van Grants, that should say plenty.

There were still traces of snowflakes resting in Tear’s hair when she took a careful look around the room, not bothering to shake them off. Already her lips were set thin with simply being in it, given the place had little in terms of offering her any comfort and keeping at bay less than pleasant memories. For now it was completely empty, save for the faithful Moogle companion who would help her initiate the process just as she would have preferred it. Though truthfully she would have preferred Sein not be there at all if it had been possible, particularly when he seemed to be opposed to her method of going forward with this trial alone.

"Mystearica, are you absolutely sure about doing it this way, kupo...?"

A quiet, barely audible sigh escapes the girl's lips before she shakes her head slowly, turning to face her companion properly with a resigned look. "I'm absolutely sure. This is something I should face on my own first."

But when the moogle's worried expression doesn't lessen any, Tear does her best to give him a reassuring smile. She knew he was only looking out for her well-being, and it was that knowledge that brought her to her next decision.

"If things begin to go wrong... You have my permission to go find help, if it hasn't followed me here already."

She knew the spirit her friends and the other Heroes well by now, that it was unlikely she would be alone for long. With that being enough for the Moogle, the process began. Tear didn't even wince when half her abilities were torn from her, leaving only the songs she so often turned to when the figure began to take form in front of her. But her eyes did widen slightly when what emerged was not a mirror image of her current self, but someone smaller—someone nearly four years in the past, with purple eyes focused not on Tear, but the hands held before her covered in blood.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry…!"

Without thinking Tear winced, hearing the horror in the younger form's voice as she beheld her trembling hands. So, this was how it was going to be...

Comments

[mindofathief]

Duster stood to the back of the room, having finally dealt with his Shadow, though still wary of speaking to others'. He didn't have much hope that Tears' would be easier, but there was the awful wish that it would only target the real Tear and not those with her. The light did not bother him, though the stark difference in appearance did get him to push away from the wall.

"Tear?" He directed the concerned tone at the younger version. Despite knowing that Shadows were normally hostile, he felt the need to run over and console her.

"Tear?" It was too great. He walked closer to get a better look at her expression.

[revitalise]

Duster's approach was not lost on the younger version of the melodist, despite being as distraught as she was over the blood on her hands. This time it was her turn to wince, slowly raising those violet eyes toward the man coming closer. Her whispers were still trembling, gaze too bright with emotion.

"I didn't want to be alone... I didn't mean to do it! We..."

"You'll have to be more clear on what you mean than that. As it is, you aren't making any sense." Unlike the younger, the actual Tear's voice rang hollow. But if this was meant to steer the shadow onto a more clear path, it only seems to bristle her.

"Brother... He said the same thing, didn't he?" The Shadow bit her lip, looking back to those hands. "But we still can't, say what your heart truly wants."

To this, Tear has no immediate response other than narrowing her eyes. "Don't be so foolish."

[mindofathief]

Duster stopped near Tear, now able to look at both the Shadow and the real person. He had a feeling that he should ask what Tear was blaming herself for, but he couldn't find it in himself to say so. It was heartless to force a child to recall something awful enough to make them cry.

To his relief, there was something else he could comment on, albeit not out of kindness.

"Don't be so hard on her," he said in response to the last sentence, furrowing his brow. "She's only trying to help."

[revitalise]

"I understand that." Tear's voice was still firm, gaze never straying from the Shadow before her. For all intents and purposes, she had to treat her as if she were a threat in the event something went wrong.

"But you don't, not truly." The Shadow's eyes were drying of their tears, but the emotion was still tight in her voice as she allowed her hands to slowly fall. "If you did, I wouldn't be here for you."

"I accepted my faults long ago," the melodist sighed, crossing her arms. "Tell me what it is you want, and I'll take responsibility for it again."

"But you haven't." This time the Shadow smiled bitterly, extending one of her hands toward Duster. "You came alone. It's only lucky he came. Alone, alone, always alone! You say one thing, push everyone else, but ourselves? You choose to be alone."

Against that, Tear had no words. She chose only to be silent as the Shadow became more agitated, eyes bright all over again. "Why can't you just admit it out loud? We're always alone, always waiting, and always being lied to... Say it out loud, be clear about what you're feeling in your heart. Isn't that right?"

[mindofathief]

It was difficult to think of the right thing to say when Duster didn't know her as well as other Heroes. He wasn't around during her low moments, he didn't know just what kind of things she went through as a child.

One hand slowly rested on her shoulder. "Tear..."

But he knew the danger of closing oneself off during these confrontations.

"Tell me, at least. I promise I won't share it without your permission." He held his free hand to his chest. "...It's hard, talking about things we don't want to. But it's better to have someone who will listen than to shut yourself away."

[revitalise]

Tear nearly jumped when Duster placed his hand on her shoulder, eyes widening for the briefest moment as she turned her head to look at him properly despite her better judgement. Trying to meet Duster's gaze, and ultimately failing when she wound up casting her own downward, the girl had to fight hard to not worry her lower lip. "It's..."

"We can't trust you," the Shadow answered for her quietly, eyes again narrowing down toward her bloodied hands. "Just like we couldn't trust Brother... He was lying to us all this time, and he won't be the last. He wasn't, you know that."

"And you'll do us all a favor in not saying anything more, before you fall into arrogance." Had she had her staff on her person, Tear would have gladly pointed it toward the Shadow for what was spilling past her lips, what she knew her other self was moments away from sharing. For now, all she can do is take a defiant step forward, but the Shadow was far from fazed by this action—yet she still seemed driven to hug herself, shaking her head lightly.

"Why? It's true, we're afraid to trust anyone because they always turn their backs in the end, leave us behind. It always hurts, that's why we don't want to trust anyone again. But it means always being alone."

[mindofathief]

Duster almost looked hurt by her statement. If he wasn't trusted, it meant he wasn't a trustworthy person. A thief's reputation preceded him. He pulled his hand away, looking at it briefly while he calmed down his train of thought. "...If you don't trust me, that's fine. We haven't spent a lot of time together. "But what about your friends? The people you've been with almost the whole time you were here? Can you trust them? Would it be better if I brought them here?"

[jadethenecromancer]

"There's no need."

Jade had stepped silently into the room. He wasn't the least bit surprised to find that Tear had tried this without telling him. They had that in common -- when it came to dealing with their feelings, their first instinct was to attempt it alone.

As much as he would have liked to respect that choice, this time he couldn't stand aside. For one, he had found out first hand just how difficult it was face your Shadow without support. For another...

For better or for worse, Tear had remained by his side when he'd been at his absolute lowest. Turning his back after all that would be unforgivable.

"Tear, let her speak." Jade's voice was stern, but calm. "Whatever the end result, I will still be here. You know that much, don't you?"

[revitalise]

"That's not—! Duster..." Tear took a step toward the man, expression bordering on imploring as she sought a way to reassure him that whether she trusted him or not had nothing to do with it. True, they didn't know one another very well, but every time she had found herself fighting alongside Duster he had proven himself a steadfast ally. So he at least had that.

No, it had everything to do with her own hesitation to be truly open to others...just as her other self was saying, now looking notably disappointed.

"Just as expected..."

Before Tear could word a response, Jade's voice cuts through and freezes her in place. Turning her gaze to look at him, it then turned downward in an attempt to hide her shame as she nodded mutely.

"You say that, and we want to believe. In the end, it's the same... Left behind, all alone and kept in the dark. Isn't that so?"

"That's..." Feeling as if she were just going to repeat the same words over and over, Tear let out a sigh instead. Best to let her speak, as Jade had instructed.

[mindofathief]

Duster's attention turned to Jade. He was right, Tear had to listen first, but he didn't know how to convince another person to do what he said. It was an acquired skill, even for someone he had fought alongside with.

He gave Jade a silent nod of thanks. There were more people in this room. It would be fine, he told himself and waited for the Shadow to continue.

[jadethenecromancer]

Jade had hardly ever spoken to Duster, but if he was a friend of Tear's then he was a welcome presence. The more people they had stubbornly staying at her side, the better.

Normally Jade would prefer to stay silent when others were dealing with their ghosts, but they'd just be at a standstill if the Shadow didn't let everything out. Perhaps a little prompting would be helpful...

"This is about Van, is it not? Or is there something else bothering you as well?" No beating around the bush.