"No, it's not the only way. But it was at least a solution where no one had to be sacrificed or killed," she tsked lightly, hunching her shoulders. "I don't think it should be ignored for that reason. If all else fails and nothing else presents itself, I believe it's worth pursuing the knowledge."

She dropped her hands onto the table and leaned back in her chair to meet his gaze squarely. It was true that she'd held some reservations in that vision, but now that she'd experienced it for herself, it no longer seemed frightening or forbidding. It was something she could do, she knew that.

"I'm not suggesting that I throw away my life as a martyr either. Completing the merge would not have killed me."

But she knew there was a strong possibility that it could have changed her. Even so, she would have continued to exist, so it couldn't be considered much of a sacrifice on her part.

It was difficult unearthing her feelings in verbal form, and frustrating. Her thumb rubbed over the other as she tried to puzzle out the right way to express why this bothered her the way it did, and why she wasn't behaving as she usually did. "I'm not committing to anything yet. At this point, I only want the security of knowing we do have one option of saving this world and our own. But...I do not want you or anyone else to think less of me for considering this. Some seemed fearful or resentful...perhaps thinking I desired power, or that I would be corrupted." And it had hurt her, to be denied that kind of support and trust from the people she cared about.

Finally she exhaled and pushed her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes as her head sank forward. "Forgive me for rambling like a fool. It's difficult to say what I wish I could."