"No!" Simon yelped, locking down the file as quickly as humanly possible. He hoped she didn't see anything; his history was one in which the word 'murder' was sprinkled rather copiously throughout.

Gasping exaggeratedly, Simon made a mental note to look at the woman's file later, just in case blackmail might be warranted. But for now he would endeavor to be as distracting and pathetic-looking as possible. And you had to hand it to him, he was certainly both of those two things.

"I don't have anything to hide! I'm a natural redhead, I swear!" he cried pitifully. It was a lie, of course; Simon happened to be the sort of guy who both killed and dyed.