"Would that it were so simple," she murmured, almost sulkily at Ellana's observation. She eyed Jack critically, and her pulse began to quicken. Was he changing his mind now? He had better not! He'd made her a promise, in exchange for exhibiting her powers and making herself vulnerable to the suspicions of the others.
Lust stared at Levy, completely silent. An offer to create the Philosopher's Stone. All they had to do was let Palitutu die. Such an easy choice to make! Why, Lust could deliver the killing blow herself, and certainly had no reservations about killing a small and helpless foe.
And yet...
She couldn't speak. She tried, but her throat was tight. Her hands shook. Her violet gaze fell to the little Tarutaru and lingered. Let her die. Take the knowledge she wanted. Be human. It was all she wanted--
You shouldn't do that! It's dangerous and they need to be purified.
The memory echoed sharply in Lust's head as if someone had just screamed in her ear. Her eyes lifted abruptly, staring straight forward. That boy's voice. She'd been ready to kill that monster, the one they called a 'Hellion,' and Mikleo had invisibly flung himself directly in her path to stop her from delivering the death blow. Why had he done that?
No, it didn't matter. She shook her head to rid herself of the memory, she needed to take that Stone. But more memories were pouring in.
Not everyone wants something tangible. There are some things we seek that really don't have an obvious tangible benefit. At least at first they don't seem to. Sometimes it's as simple as doing something nice for someone. Most of the time there's no reward, except that you've done something nice. For some people that wouldn't be enough, but for others...it is.
Lust's pulse seemed to slow to a crawl. Images flashed rapidly in her head, a whirl of voices and sensations. Her eyes grew wide, and wider still, as a bead of sweat trickled down her temple.
*************************************
This time she's sitting by the fire, idly scratching her nails against her palm, when Badou comes to sit down beside her.
"You know," he starts as he exhales a small puff of smoke into the air. "Sometimes you look like you feel out of place in your own body."
* * * * *
"All of it's really humanity trying to make sense of our world and our roles in it. Who are we? Why do we feel something? What causes someone to love someone or something?"
A shrug, still at ease beside her fellow hero. "There's no easy answer, or simple answer, and it's constantly changing because humans don't know either. We're searching just as much as you might be."
Lust stared at her with a sidelong impassive stare for a long moment, quietly digesting what she'd said. Lydia was right, it was more than a little unbelievable for a species that had existed as long as it had to still fail to understand the basic composition of their personalities. A homunculus was born into existence already fully aware of what they were and what they were meant to do.
She sighed.
"So it's pointless trying to understand, it seems," she concluded. Not exactly the answer she wanted, but it seemed to echo with what she'd learned from others. How annoying.
"I wouldn't say that, although some philosophies would agree with you." Lydia replied gently. "It's more..." Quiet again, thinking, then speaking once more. "Humanity, that is, being human? In some ways, what separates us from other animals and beings, is that we question why? We seek more purpose than mere existence and survival. We try to live."
Looking up at Lust, there's a smaller smile on her face now--as some of this was a lot more than Lydia had studied in school. "In that attempt to 'live', to make life meaningful for ourselves, and to figure out what our purpose is..." Then she spoke with confidence. "Some would say that is what being human is."
* * * * *
"Lust, what are you doing?" Mikleo mused grabbing the handle of her spear. His voice was even as he did so. There was some way to help it, he was certain. She didn't need to kill it so she could save it.
His intervention surprised her. That much was obvious from the way she stilled, staring at him mutely for two seconds before she resumed the casual smile she donned so easily. "Isn't it obvious? I'm putting it out of its misery."
There was no need for him to look at her like that. What was there to be sad about? He knew very well what she was, and how she operated. Killing without remorse was a specialty of hers. Still, she didn't try to jerk her spear out of his hands, since she had no desire to hurt the young man with a careless brush against her razor sharp spearhead. She would wait until he let go of his own volition.
"Surely you don't think such a creature will survive more than five minutes out there. It will be easy prey for even a weak predator so long as it has a nose for blood. Run along, now."
"There are others way to assist it than assist in killing it, Lust. It's not always about life or death," he replies giving his brows a knit. He didn't release her spear but he did loosen his grip some on it.
"We can always take it to a ranch of sorts. There certainly can be someone who can help it. I can use first aid for the time being on it."
He replied softly.
"That may be true, but it's not the only thing that can happen, no matter how harsh that reality is."
"A ranch, out here? How ridiculous," she scoffed, somewhat annoyed by his soft heart...but somewhat intrigued as well. Selflessness and altruism baffled her. She could never understand what drove people to do such things.
Her gaze shifted to the tiny-winged raptor. It was strange that it chose to remain, waiting to be healed or attacked. Surely it had to know there was a chance she might attempt to cut it down, if it understood human language as well as it spoke. Was it testing them, perhaps?
"Do as you will," she sighed, pushing her hair back. "But I don't see how it benefits you or the creature by choosing to be merciful."
"It's a long shot, but there must be something we can do to save the creature. We can't simply let it die, or kill it without thinking about other alternatives."
He replied simply because Mikleo didn't like the idea of killing unless it was absolutely necessary. He wasn't the type to just watch others get killed without any given legit reason. That was always why he seemed to be the one that rationalized with many people.
"It doesn't have to benefit us in any way. It's simply what I feel is the right thing to do," he replied with brief look. He walked past her to examine the creature, pulling some bandages and other things out of his bag that he carried with him.
After a few quiet moments, there was a crunch of rubble, and Lust was crossing the mossy courtyard to take a knee next to Mikleo to assist him. He said it didn't have to benefit them, but there was still something Lust was getting out of this: a desire not to disappoint this strange person who seemed to believe in her so earnestly, and tried with all his might to help her. She wasn't sentimental, but the boy was...useful. Lust had no wish to antagonize him or push him away until he ceased to be useful.
Her fingers moved with practiced ease, pressing strips of cloth down on the wounds before binding them with gauze. Having studied alchemy so extensively gave her more than a little knowledge on the physical body. Knowing how to kill and heal required nearly the same information.
"What instills this feeling in you?" she asked, casting a glance at him. She wasn't smiling, which meant she was serious about her question. "Was it something you were born with, or raised to know?"
"I'm not quite sure what you're asking but like I said before, I just want to do it. There's really no reason why I feel this way. I want to help it and that's all that really matters, don't you agree?"
He mused giving her a side glance as well.
"I suppose it's something I've always known. Gramps always taught us that these kinds of things are what brings smiles and gratitude to others and I kind took the words and made it my own, without any real reason or purpose."
"So you believe you were born altruistic, then," Lust said, trying to confirm his answer. Bad news for her, then, it meant she was never going to possess even a fraction of Mikleo's kindness, no matter how much he tried to teach her.
Her brow lowered just slightly, a subtle indication of her frustration. Smiles and gratitude? Now he was beginning to sound like a children's birthday card.
"Then it's time you accept that I was not born with these things as you were," she remarked. "Telling me how I should feel is pointless. I can't produce those feelings just because you believe--"
"That's not entirely what I'm trying to say. I'm not quite sure how I can explain the entirety of feelings and emotions. I suppose I worded that poorly," he replied with a small sigh as he got up making sure that the raptor would be fine.
He thinks for a moment on how to explain this to her in the best way possible. "I understand that you are different from me, and I'm quite aware that I'm note mortal either. It's difficult to grasp things, but you've more or less done things on your own, that are their own acts, whether you had a motive or not, Lust. I think that's something that defines you pretty well. You have those traits. I suppose it's the matter of recognizing them for what they are."
1/2
Lust stared at Levy, completely silent. An offer to create the Philosopher's Stone. All they had to do was let Palitutu die. Such an easy choice to make! Why, Lust could deliver the killing blow herself, and certainly had no reservations about killing a small and helpless foe.
And yet...
She couldn't speak. She tried, but her throat was tight. Her hands shook. Her violet gaze fell to the little Tarutaru and lingered. Let her die. Take the knowledge she wanted. Be human. It was all she wanted--
You shouldn't do that! It's dangerous and they need to be purified.
The memory echoed sharply in Lust's head as if someone had just screamed in her ear. Her eyes lifted abruptly, staring straight forward. That boy's voice. She'd been ready to kill that monster, the one they called a 'Hellion,' and Mikleo had invisibly flung himself directly in her path to stop her from delivering the death blow. Why had he done that?
No, it didn't matter. She shook her head to rid herself of the memory, she needed to take that Stone. But more memories were pouring in.
Not everyone wants something tangible. There are some things we seek that really don't have an obvious tangible benefit. At least at first they don't seem to. Sometimes it's as simple as doing something nice for someone. Most of the time there's no reward, except that you've done something nice. For some people that wouldn't be enough, but for others...it is.
Lust's pulse seemed to slow to a crawl. Images flashed rapidly in her head, a whirl of voices and sensations. Her eyes grew wide, and wider still, as a bead of sweat trickled down her temple.
*************************************
This time she's sitting by the fire, idly scratching her nails against her palm, when Badou comes to sit down beside her.
"You know," he starts as he exhales a small puff of smoke into the air. "Sometimes you look like you feel out of place in your own body."
* * * * *
"All of it's really humanity trying to make sense of our world and our roles in it. Who are we? Why do we feel something? What causes someone to love someone or something?"
A shrug, still at ease beside her fellow hero. "There's no easy answer, or simple answer, and it's constantly changing because humans don't know either. We're searching just as much as you might be."
Lust stared at her with a sidelong impassive stare for a long moment, quietly digesting what she'd said. Lydia was right, it was more than a little unbelievable for a species that had existed as long as it had to still fail to understand the basic composition of their personalities. A homunculus was born into existence already fully aware of what they were and what they were meant to do.
She sighed.
"So it's pointless trying to understand, it seems," she concluded. Not exactly the answer she wanted, but it seemed to echo with what she'd learned from others. How annoying.
"I wouldn't say that, although some philosophies would agree with you." Lydia replied gently. "It's more..." Quiet again, thinking, then speaking once more. "Humanity, that is, being human? In some ways, what separates us from other animals and beings, is that we question why? We seek more purpose than mere existence and survival. We try to live."
Looking up at Lust, there's a smaller smile on her face now--as some of this was a lot more than Lydia had studied in school. "In that attempt to 'live', to make life meaningful for ourselves, and to figure out what our purpose is..." Then she spoke with confidence. "Some would say that is what being human is."
* * * * *
"Lust, what are you doing?" Mikleo mused grabbing the handle of her spear. His voice was even as he did so. There was some way to help it, he was certain. She didn't need to kill it so she could save it.
His intervention surprised her. That much was obvious from the way she stilled, staring at him mutely for two seconds before she resumed the casual smile she donned so easily. "Isn't it obvious? I'm putting it out of its misery."
There was no need for him to look at her like that. What was there to be sad about? He knew very well what she was, and how she operated. Killing without remorse was a specialty of hers. Still, she didn't try to jerk her spear out of his hands, since she had no desire to hurt the young man with a careless brush against her razor sharp spearhead. She would wait until he let go of his own volition.
"Surely you don't think such a creature will survive more than five minutes out there. It will be easy prey for even a weak predator so long as it has a nose for blood. Run along, now."
"There are others way to assist it than assist in killing it, Lust. It's not always about life or death," he replies giving his brows a knit. He didn't release her spear but he did loosen his grip some on it.
"We can always take it to a ranch of sorts. There certainly can be someone who can help it. I can use first aid for the time being on it."
He replied softly.
"That may be true, but it's not the only thing that can happen, no matter how harsh that reality is."
"A ranch, out here? How ridiculous," she scoffed, somewhat annoyed by his soft heart...but somewhat intrigued as well. Selflessness and altruism baffled her. She could never understand what drove people to do such things.
Her gaze shifted to the tiny-winged raptor. It was strange that it chose to remain, waiting to be healed or attacked. Surely it had to know there was a chance she might attempt to cut it down, if it understood human language as well as it spoke. Was it testing them, perhaps?
"Do as you will," she sighed, pushing her hair back. "But I don't see how it benefits you or the creature by choosing to be merciful."
"It's a long shot, but there must be something we can do to save the creature. We can't simply let it die, or kill it without thinking about other alternatives."
He replied simply because Mikleo didn't like the idea of killing unless it was absolutely necessary. He wasn't the type to just watch others get killed without any given legit reason. That was always why he seemed to be the one that rationalized with many people.
"It doesn't have to benefit us in any way. It's simply what I feel is the right thing to do," he replied with brief look. He walked past her to examine the creature, pulling some bandages and other things out of his bag that he carried with him.
After a few quiet moments, there was a crunch of rubble, and Lust was crossing the mossy courtyard to take a knee next to Mikleo to assist him. He said it didn't have to benefit them, but there was still something Lust was getting out of this: a desire not to disappoint this strange person who seemed to believe in her so earnestly, and tried with all his might to help her. She wasn't sentimental, but the boy was...useful. Lust had no wish to antagonize him or push him away until he ceased to be useful.
Her fingers moved with practiced ease, pressing strips of cloth down on the wounds before binding them with gauze. Having studied alchemy so extensively gave her more than a little knowledge on the physical body. Knowing how to kill and heal required nearly the same information.
"What instills this feeling in you?" she asked, casting a glance at him. She wasn't smiling, which meant she was serious about her question. "Was it something you were born with, or raised to know?"
"I'm not quite sure what you're asking but like I said before, I just want to do it. There's really no reason why I feel this way. I want to help it and that's all that really matters, don't you agree?"
He mused giving her a side glance as well.
"I suppose it's something I've always known. Gramps always taught us that these kinds of things are what brings smiles and gratitude to others and I kind took the words and made it my own, without any real reason or purpose."
"So you believe you were born altruistic, then," Lust said, trying to confirm his answer. Bad news for her, then, it meant she was never going to possess even a fraction of Mikleo's kindness, no matter how much he tried to teach her.
Her brow lowered just slightly, a subtle indication of her frustration. Smiles and gratitude? Now he was beginning to sound like a children's birthday card.
"Then it's time you accept that I was not born with these things as you were," she remarked. "Telling me how I should feel is pointless. I can't produce those feelings just because you believe--"
"That's not entirely what I'm trying to say. I'm not quite sure how I can explain the entirety of feelings and emotions. I suppose I worded that poorly," he replied with a small sigh as he got up making sure that the raptor would be fine.
He thinks for a moment on how to explain this to her in the best way possible. "I understand that you are different from me, and I'm quite aware that I'm note mortal either. It's difficult to grasp things, but you've more or less done things on your own, that are their own acts, whether you had a motive or not, Lust. I think that's something that defines you pretty well. You have those traits. I suppose it's the matter of recognizing them for what they are."