melodiesoflife

Lust wasn't too hard to find; she did tend to stand out wherever she went, so asking nearly anyone on the street if they'd seen a buxom raven-haired woman with a tattoo above her breasts would receive a helpful point in the right direction. In the morning and afternoon, she was engrossed in her work at the lab, poring through notes and files for any hint of what it took to find a Philosopher's Stone. In the evenings she went to the library. She only really returned home to shower (and steal all of the hot water in doing so) and sleep.

Her Moogle, Kujarl, had been posted to the hospital and instructed to come fetch Lust at once should there be any change in Palitutu's condition. She needed that stone, and she was still convinced that the Tarutaru was her best, and possibly only, hope of ever getting it and becoming human.

Wherever Flynn happened to find her, it was clear to see she hadn't noticed him yet. She was feverishly absorbed in her work, frowning to herself with clear frustration twisting her pretty face.

Flynn wasn't entirely sure how to initiate a confrontation with her, which was silly considering that he spent the better part of two days searching for her. When he finally found her moogle in the hospital, Flynn raced to the lab and found her absorbed in her work. Taking a deep breath, he knocked tentatively on the edge of the door, hoping to get her attention. "Miss Lust...?"

Lust had her hands planted on either side of a keyboard, her face lifted to study the screen that reflected an eerie green glow over her ivory complexion. At the sound of Flynn's voice, she turned her head and straightened sinuously to her full height.

"Oh? I never see you in the lab," the homunculus noted and folded her arms. "What's this about?" Lust was neither smiling nor frowning. She didn't seem to be harboring any sort of grudge or resentment, but she also wasn't exuberant in her greeting.

In truth she hadn't given much thought to their last conversation. He'd annoyed her, but not enough that he would have fallen completely out of favor. But she did find it curious that he was seeking her out intentionally.

"It's not a place I usually frequent, no. I'm surprised to see you here, though. I don't think I've heard you mention it before." Flynn walked on her, glad that he wasn't a persona-non-grata. He managed to take out a confection and present it to Lust. It looked terrible. Usually when he made food, he took great care in making it look good. But in this case, it looked... not even presentable. But at the same time, he spent so much time and energy on it, he wanted Lust to have it.

"I made you something. I hope you enjoy it."

"I suppose it never came up." It wasn't as if Lust had anything to hide; she'd been perfectly honest with everyone she'd spoken to, and so far, no one had shunned her for it. The only time anyone ever took umbrage with what she was, was out in the rift where everyone seemed hellbent on leaving the Tarutaru woman to die.

She didn't usually care for or accept gifts, so she was a little surprised when he offered her a...

...

...what was it? A threat? An insult? Lust didn't have much of an appetite for food to begin with, so she couldn't imagine why he was offering her something that looked so wretched. She frowned, looking at him sharply as she expected the worst. But he seemed strangely proud. What was she supposed to think?

"...What is this?"

"I made you a cake. As an apology. It took like two days to make sure it was edible, but it's done!" Flynn beamed. "I'm actually not good at cooking, according to... pretty much everybody... but I wanted to show you some sort of token of gratitude to you. Unless maybe you're allergic to chocolate? In which case, I could try to make something else...!"

Lust sighed. Humans truly were foolish. Why would he put so much effort into a mere symbol, when she would have been just as satisfied with the words alone?

"I'm not allergic," she frowned, turning away from him and focusing on the monitor once more. "But I don't see why you feel the need to apologize. What wrong did you commit that would require something like that?" They'd disagreed, but that was to be expected. They had completely different moral viewpoints.

"Why is my good opinion so important to you, when you know how little good I possess in the first place?"

"Why do you question what I do, when you're so convinced that I'm so good?" Flynn put the awful-looking cake down on the desk next to her. He awaited her answer. It seemed fair enough.

"Because I don't understand good, or you. The two go hand in hand." Her long fingers delicately tapped at the keys as she sifted through file names, running searches, and coming up with little. Lust frowned. She'd have to ask some of the Moogles to pull up the next round of files, this one was going nowhere.

"Every time I think I'm close, it only serves to show me just how far removed I am from the truth of the matter. You were there, weren't you?" She folded her arms and turned her head to look back at him. "My cravings to become human and to possess humanity seem to be conflicting as of late. That shouldn't be possible."

"Perhaps the error in that way of thinking is expecting things to be logical." Flynn mused aloud, without thinking it through. "The fact that you may be questioning your actions and deeming them to be irrational has to do with the fact that perhaps you're changing without even noticing it, without even confirming it. Whether that's 'good' or 'bad' may not even fit within those strict categories."

Flynn took in a breath.

"There was a time when I only saw things in black and white, the wrong way and the right way, only good and bad. But things aren't that simple. Perhaps... you're experiencing something similar to that?" Anything to give them some common ground.

Lust's head lowered slightly, regarding Flynn with a greater scrutiny as she frowned. He was making some good points, and that meant she was paying closer attention to him now. "...Perhaps." Even she herself was viewing Flynn in black and white categories, as well as herself. It didn't seem possible that she could change if she didn't have a soul. How could such a thing happen?

And if it was happening, what did that mean for her? For her relentless pursuit of the Philosopher's Stone?

Her head jerked to the side where she directed her harsh stare at the computer monitors and the lines of scrolling data. Strange as it seemed, all of her research and studies hadn't yielded nearly as many interesting points as just speaking with the likes of Flynn, Lydia, and Mikleo.

Why?

"If I am changing, then I'm concerned about what's causing that change," she said, her expression darkening. "I have a mortal body, but not a mortal soul. If any changes are being made, they aren't voluntary."

"To be alive is to keep on changing." Flynn commented, almost absentmindedly. "Perhaps you are more human than you give yourself credit for. You may not be the same type of human as the woman you were based on, but I would be hard-pressed to find a valid person who would take issue with that. You keep on treating yourself like a machine, but you act nothing like one, in my opinion."

He had spoken out of turn. But it was about time they had this conversation. "You could spend all your time researching and never find what you're looking for, because there has never been anybody quite like you."

"A machine? Hm~ Not quite." She closed her eyes with a half-smile, her head tipping forward to send a loose ebony curl spilling over her shoulder. She pushed herself away from the console and turned to face Flynn, arms lightly crossed. "A machine, at least, has all of its parts. There is a part of me that's missing, and has been missing since the day of my creation."

Her arms drifted to her sides as she approached with slow, small steps, gesturing elegantly as she spoke. "It's like waking up without an arm, or a leg. A part of you that should be there, but it isn't. And you can't help but try to do things as you always have...taking a step with a foot that isn't there...reaching for a pen to realize you can grasp nothing with your mutilated stump. You try. And you falter. Every instinct tells you that it should be there, but the fact remains that a part of you is missing. You're incomplete."

She was standing directly in front of him now, gazing up into his blue eyes from beneath her fringe of thick, dark lashes. "I am Lust...I am desire...the intense longing that can never truly be sated." She laid a hand upon Flynn's chest, on the spot where she could feel the subdued thumping of his heart. "It is all I know. It is all that I am. I can only ever behave selfishly, to serve my needs. And what I need is to feel whole again. I don't know if you can understand that."

There was a touch of...sadness?...in the faint incline of her brows as she smiled. Then she turned away with a casual sigh. "In that sense I believe I know the Calamity's craving...despite the inevitable fate of self-destruction...better than anyone. Until I find the Philosopher's Stone and fill this mortal shell with a true soul, I can never truly be satisfied."

"Maybe I can't ever hope to understand that," Flynn almost whispered. His eyes flew to the floor, then shot back to Lust. "It still sounds to me that you're so busy focusing on what you're missing, that you don't see what you already have. And maybe no matter how much we discuss it, I won't ever fully understand you, much like I don't think you'll ever fully understand me. But the more we focus on the things we don't understand, it's more than likely that we're missing the things right in front of us." He then nodded, as if reaffirming his own decision. "I can't promise I'll find it, but I will look for the Philosopher's Stone for you."

She almost demanded to know what it was he thought she had. Since being pulled into this world, she'd been made mortal, and given all the problems that came with it: hunger, sickness, weakness. She could be killed in this world.

On the other hand, Lust was actually alive. She'd died at the hands of Wrath in her world, and according to her file, no one had mourned or missed her. She'd died alone, wondering what would happen to her now if she didn't have a soul to traverse the plane of the afterlife.

Now here she was, standing in a room with a man who went through great efforts to make her the most pitiful cake the world had ever seen. And he did care what happened to her. So did Mikleo. Why? Because it was simply their nature, just as it was her nature to pursue self-satisfaction. If she had the stone, could she truly change her nature, and become the woman she was?

Even stranger, why was her selfish and jaded self good enough for him?

Lust put her fingertips to her forehead, closing her eyes for a moment. It wasn't confusing enough to trigger another mental breakdown and physical collapse, but it did make her head hurt. She felt as if the answer were just there, only a breath away from the reach of her fingertips, but frustratingly beyond her grasp.

"...Thank you. I intend to continue my search," she informed him. Because it was the only thing she could still pursue. Everything else was simply too abstract. Lust turned away, walking slowly back to the computer. "I've learned that the crystal belonging to the White Mage Hero of Light, sealed in the Temple of Heroes, may hold the same properties as a Philosopher's Stone. We may begin there."

"right," Flynn nodded.

Then he left.

~~(Eat the damn cake, woman.)~~

[8]

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postdated to whenever flynn learns how to bake something without killing anyone

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