melodiesoflife | It's my life

Entry tags:

It's my life

Who: Aoi Kurashiki, Akane Kurashiki, Duster (hopefully), any other Santa CR that wants to show up.
What: Confronting Aoi's shadow. It'll probably be fine.
When: End of November
Where: Aqures Ixen, the labs
Warnings: Language (as always), potential mentions of violence and murder, 999 spoilers

Since Halloween, or the Moogle Night or whatever shit they called it, Aoi's life had been as bad or worse than it had been for the nine years between Nonary Games. His and Akane's relationship was strained, and Duster... well, that was dead and gone now. Everything Aoi had was destined to be taken away or destroyed. That was just how it had always been and always would be.

"Pull it together. You don't gotta be happy. You just gotta get shit done so we can go home," he told himself. He was SO. FUCKING. DONE. with Crystallis and calamities and rifts. If he was gonna be sad and alone and risking his life, he might as well be doing it for his Earth.

He'd sent Crash Kupo ahead to prep for the calamity extraction and to notify Akane that he was doin' it. She'd never forgive him if he did this without her. Nobody else needed to know, though. The Kurashikis took care of themselves, just like always.

~~Unless Akane recruited anybody else to come along or somebody happened by the labs while they were getting the machinery started~~.

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Honestly, Akane was relieved when he'd told her what he planned to do. She'd scolded him for keeping secrets from her before, even if he'd done it with the best of intentions. It meant the trust was still there, even after all the awful things that had happened in the previous month.

Of course she was going to be there for him. Shadows could be vicious, or depressing, or enraging. They created an enormous emotional strain on the person they came from, and when it was over, he'd need someone to tell him it was okay, and that he was still loved.

That's what siblings did for each other.

She arrived promptly at the laboratory, and when she caught sight of him, her smile was but a quick flash as she rushed forward to meet him and take his hands to give them a reassuring squeeze. "This isn't going to be easy. But I'll be with you, as long as you want me there. All right?"

Duster was on the fence in regards to coming to Aoi's Shadow-conquering event. Thing. Quest. Whatever it was called, but it was something important. He didn't want to think about Aoi so soon, and even the bare minimum of interaction when assisting with Akane's Shadow was stressful.

Then Akane had to drag him to the lab. If he ditched this, she'd know and come after him. What kind of friend would he be if he didn't keep his promises?

He trudged after her, pausing just outside the room. If Aoi didn't notice him, all the better.

Aoi nodded at Akane as she walked into the lab. He didn't look past the door to see anyone skulking outside. He didn't have friends. Who else would even bother to show up for him?

"No point in wasting time. Do it." He waved a hand at the moogles to signal them to start up the device.

The Aoi that appeared beside the machine slouched as he scanned the room lazily. His eyes stopped on Akane.

"Of course you're here. World can't revolve without you at its center."

He snorted, and his eyes fixed on the door.
"And that's just perfect. Everything I can't have, right outside the door."

The Calamity Aoi made a fist, flexing it experimentally.
"I got powers now. If I wanted to just leave, finally go live my own goddamn life for a change, do you fuckers think you could stop me?"

For the moment, he looked more contemplative than actively violent, but the real Aoi moved to stand between his shadow and his sister just in case. He hadn't sacrificed everything else in his life to let his damned Jung Version hurt her.

Ah.

He was spotted.

There was no point in hiding any longer. Duster slid around the edge of the door as if he were still sneaking in, but the less commotion he made while entering, the less visible he believed he could be.

But he did shut the door behind him. There were other ways to help besides talking.

Akane had harbored a sneaking suspicion for a long time that he had to have at least a little resentment buried deep, for being forced into his role at such a young age. It was bad enough that he had to raise her on his own after their parents died, especially when she was still so little. Then Hongou and his experiments entered the picture.

She worked her hand stubbornly into Aoi's. She'd meant what she'd said, that as long as he truly wanted her here, she'd stick it out beside him. Whatever his shadow had to say, it was better to hear the truth than live a pretty lie that made him suffer.

"I won't be at the center of that world forever," she spoke quietly, but firmly. "Aoi deserves a chance to live a life of his own. I think you should let him have that chance too. Let him listen." She turned her head, blinking up at her brother. "Whatever he says, you don't have to deny it for my sake, or anyone else's. I could never hate you."

God, this was going to shit right before his eyes. All of a sudden, Duster was in the room, his Shadow was saying all this shit in front of Akane, and Akane was trying to sacrifice her happiness again for somebody else.

"You fuckin' stop that," he told her, wiggling his hand out of hers. "Don't just let him...me...talk shit about you like that. You should be pissed off."

He turned to Duster. "And you...you get outta here. Ain't any reason for you to let me hurt you."

"Oh, shut up. You want him to stay and see how much of a fucking martyr you are. I'm so goddamn sick of it! You're never gonna let us be happy, but you aren't willin' to just let it go without fuckin' complaining about it." The Shadow stalked across the room, circling around the Kurashikis and stopping in front of Duster.

"But he's right about one thing. You don't need to be here. You're fun, but we don't need anybody half-assed hanging around. I bet you never felt half of what we felt about you. "

Aoi flushed scarlet and sputtered. "S-shut your fuckin' mouth!" He dove at the Shadow to grab his collar and stop him from talking.

One of Duster's eyebrows twitched when Aoi turned to him. Akane's Shadow had targeted him with accusations that he didn't care for, yes, but she didn't walked up to. They weren't as close as Duster was with Aoi. His fists pulled away from the Shadow, though his hurt eyes continued looking into those purple eyes.

"That's not true," he replied in a forced, steady tone. "I trusted you. I really did, and...it hurt to leave you."

He mouth tightened until his lips had all but disappeared. To most people, he looked nervous or angry, and while both were a little true, anyone that knew Duster could tell this was a sign that he was thinking. Mulling over his next words, allowing for as few mistakes as he could.

"...I'm here to help. I want to know why you did that."

Aoi and his Shadow let out a disbelieving snort in unison. Duster didn't...Duster couldn't.... Aoi was too much of a piece of shit to care about the way Aoi had cared about him. That, at least, was something the two versions of himself agreed on. Aoi released his hold on the Shadow, who took a step back.

"You know the answer to that. I told you about the Two Santas."

"Akane is my responsibility, has been since...we lost our parents." Aoi tensed as the Calamity self spoke, but relaxed just a little when he realized his Shadow wasn't going to spill that secret today, at least.

"If anyone had to turn red to stop her, it had to be me. You don't got any siblings, so you don't understand how it is."

Aoi shook. Shit, he should've worn a jacket or something. Remembering the sickening feeling when he'd finally realized that Akane wasn't herself anymore, the devastation from losing her in the past that didn't happen, and then the resignation to letting Duster walk away from him because Aoi was a selfish, bloodstained bastard and Duster deserved better...it was worse than being back in that walk-in freezer. He wrapped his bare arms around himself, but it didn't really help.

"It's so fucked up. These powers, my parents checkin' out, Akane relying on me to save her, me bein' the goddamn asshole I am...It's like I'm fuckin' cursed. You don't get to be happy when those're the cards you got dealt."

"But I don't want to be mad," Akane murmured pitifully, almost at a whisper as she watched her brother pull away from her. And she meant that. She might squall if he was teasing her, but there was no way she could ever be angry with him.

She clammed up as the conversation turned to Duster. This was something the two (three, counting the shadow?) had to figure out. The sooner Aoi learned that her opinions and feelings didn't matter in this kind of situation, the better. She was still worried that her own Calamity self's barbed tongue had done more damage than good.

She should stay out of it. ...But she couldn't.

"I can't agree with that," she spoke at last, once his Shadow had said his piece. "You were happy here, and I know you still can be if you're both willing to fight for it. But...if you both keep putting yourselves down, and turning your backs on each other because you think it's for the best instead of gritting your teeth and fighting for what you really want, and talking to each other instead of just assuming you already know what the other person was thinking, then nothing will get better!"

Akane took a step back, then two more. "You know I won't ever stop being a part of your life. But maybe...maybe it might be good for you. For both of us. If you didn't think you had to hold on quite so tightly. You can live for yourself too. I want you to."

Duster would prefer that all four of them would turn the conversation away from their relationship. It would be less painful he he could forget everything and, as Akane put it, turn his back on the past. He would only be hurt if he stayed with someone who could easily be swayed into murder. Someone who didn't feel like his purpose was to follow his sister's orders. Someone who wasn't messed up inside.

Duster folded his arms. What kind of person was he to judge Aoi like that, when there was some guilt involved. He couldn't hide his thoughts away at a time like this.

"...So you're saying that you're just unlucky? That it was supposed to be like this? That destiny told you so? I'm...a big believer in destiny, and if we're not supposed to be together, then I'm not going to argue with it."

He waited, hoping for Aoi's response to be satisfying, but too much remained on his mind. Duster was a man of careful words, but he did not mince them.

"But just because destiny says one thing doesn't mean you can't put in no effort. I hoped you'd say something when I broke up with you, but there was nothing. If you really feel like we don't deserve to be together...then tell me."

The Shadow ran a hand through his hair and turned away from the others. "I can't give you what you need if I only have a piece of a life of my own. You think I want it to be this way? Fuck no."

Aoi, on the hand, looked angrier and angrier as Akane spoke. "You're right. I was happy. And I thought Duster was happy, but what was I supposed to think when he just left."

He turned his scowl to Duster. "You're saying I didn't fight? What about you? You're the one who's willin' to walk away just because you think destiny is something you can't fuckin' change."

He shook with frustration. "I wanna do what you want me to do, but I don't even know what that is, dude."

Akane was looking at Santa's shadow, hugging herself quietly. What they wanted seemed obvious to her. They wanted to be together, but without her to stand in the way. Maybe someone else would have been fine managing a relationship with their significant other while still caring for a sibling, but after all they'd gone through as children, that wasn't going to happen easily. If she ran off and tried to make a martyr out of herself, Aoi wouldn't be able to let her go. He'd never be able to move forward as long as he still believed that she couldn't survive without his help. Maybe back home, she did, and those sacrifices would have to be made.

Here, though...

She moved toward his Shadow, one step at a time. "All my life, you've only dedicated yourself to my needs," she spoke to him quietly. "This time I want to be the one who helps you. What do you need from me?" She reached out to touch the shadow's cheek with a quiet smile. "What will it take for you to be accepted, and give my brother peace? Should I leave? Stay? Fall in love and elope?" She didn't want to interrupt the discussion Duster and Santa were finally having, and she could at least be sure that the shadow would give her an honest answer without worrying about her feelings.

"I want..."

What did he want? He wanted Aoi to be with him, but other than that, he was good with anything. Whatever Aoi wanted, he was fine with it, and that philosophy didn't hurt him much during his life.

As Akane stood up to him, Duster realized that there wasn't much he wanted. A good boyfriend, whatever that meant. He wanted him to stop and think about what he was doing. He wanted him to be happy with both his sister and himself. Akane was doing the right thing.

He waited until Aoi looked away from Akane. "I want you to tell me what's wrong. If we're going to make this work, I want us to be together without worrying that you're unhappy. ...That's really it."

The Shadow stole a quick glance over at Aoi and Duster, then turned to Akane. He patted her on the head. "I am your brother, remember? But if you want us to actually go live our lives, we just gotta know you're ok. You gotta stop trying to save the world by yourself, stop trying to sacrifice your happiness and your future. We both gotta learn to trust people. If he thinks that you're gonna get yourself killed or you're going to die old and alone if we leave, he's never gonna accept my will."

He shrugged. It wasn't easy, but it was the truth. "You don't need to go elope with anybody 'cept Junpei, but it would help if we knew you had someone else to rely on if you needed something."

Meanwhile, the other Aoi was looking hard at Duster. "That's it, huh?" Duster made it sound so simple. Aoi snorted. If Duster really wanted the truth, he was gonna get it, probably way more than he wanted.

"Ok, here's what's been wrong. I've kept you out of the loop to protect you from the bad shit I've had to do. I thought if you saw that side of me, you'd figure I wasn't worth it. There's other people around who understand music better, that are nicer, that you think are hotter...and, you know, I was the one who asked you out. I don't think you woulda ever asked me. So I though...maybe you only went along with me because there wasn't anyone else, and if I didn't make it easy to be with me, you wouldn't want me anymore."

He shrugged. "That's what's made me hesitate and not fight when you left. But if it's not true, then yeah, I wanna be with you and work all our shit out."

Duster held his hands to his sides, but they were loosely clenched. Deep down, he knew Aoi was right. He really was a guy easily lead around by others. If someone else asked him out first, he would have--

"So what if that's true?" He blurted out before he could complete the thought. "I know you don't play music, and that you're not the nicest person around, and who's to judge how you look? Being the best isn't everything, and being perfect isn't either! You're you, and it's...it's who you are that I like."

If Duster had know who's he'd end up with if he hadn't been pulled to Crystallis, he would say that he had a type. Aoi very much fit it.

"If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have gone out with you. I thought you were kind of frustrating to be around, for a while. If you asked me out when we first met, I'd leave you behind. It's different now."

That was a lot for Akane to digest. She wanted to protest that she'd done too much ill to really deserve happiness or a shiny future. But this was Aoi's shadow. There was just no point to arguing with the truth. She looked at her feet for a moment, then back up at the shadow's burning purple eyes.

It was...somewhat comforting, really, to know that he didn't resent her as much as she'd thought. His hidden side still loved her and cared about her. She nodded once, slowly. "I understand."

She turned to look at her true brother, ready to tell him her plans, but... Yeah, now probably wasn't the best time. He needed to work things out with Duster first. So she stayed quiet by her other brother's side, and let her hand sneak into his to grip it tightly. "You know...this is kind of nice," she whispered. "Now I have two brothers." An impish little grin brightened her eyes as she beamed at him, then waited her turn.

The Shadow snorted at Akane. 'Course he still loved her. Loved her enough to push her away before he ended up hating her. "I better still be your favorite."

Aoi reached out a hand and grabbed a fistful of Duster's shirt. He tugged him closer. "You're really terrible at this," he huffed. That was about as affectionate as he was willing to get with his little sister watching.

"Ok, I'm gonna get this shit done." He let go of Duster's shirt and gave it a quick brush to smooth out the wrinkles. Aoi turned to his Shadow.

"You ready to get back here so we can start doin' our own thing?"

The Shadow gave his shoulders a casual roll. "If you're serious. And don't think I won't know."

The two Aois stalked toward one another, and in a flash of purple light, one disappeared.

Duster absentmindedly brushed the part of his shirt that was grabbed, though it didn't do much help. His attention was divided between the Shadow and that possibly-an-apology, possibly-still-upset-at-him reaction. He couldn't tell what his real intentions were, as that was the major issue he had with him the past month. He hoped that it meant something good.

His hands remained held together as he shut his eyes from the blinding light. They did it. Aoi did it. It was fine, and there was nothing left to worry about. At least, nothing related to the Calamity self.

He struggled to find something to say after all that. "...You good?"

Akane felt the tightness in her chest leave at long last. It was over. He was okay!

With no reason to hold onto her reservations, she clapped her palms together in delight. "You did it!" she laughed, and immediately darted forward to throw her arms around Aoi's neck, nestling her head under his chin with sisterly affection.

"Although I'm going to miss having two amazing big brothers," she added with a giggle, closing her eyes. He'd done a much better job of this than she had, but really, that was to be expected. There was a reason she looked up to him the way she did.

Hug complete, she stepped back and clasped her hands in front of her, because sharing was caring. "How do you feel? Do you need some rest, or something to eat?"

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It's my life

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