melodiesoflife | #15 | What goes down must come up again~?

Entry tags:

#15 | What goes down must come up again~?

Characters: Sephiroth [Open; will top-level prompt]
Where/When: Aqures Ixen, Evening-Early Morning 11-12/May
Summary: Between this and that, whatever progress Sephiroth has made with his once-proud ego finds itself sunk to the bottom of a bottle...or two...or three? This can only end one way, and lets hope this doesn't destroy his career.
Warnings: This is not designed to be a ‘come drink with me’ log (though by all means you’re welcome to try and be social). CW's include but not limited to: lonesome stress-drinking, self-destruction, anxiety/freaking-out, snap-violent reactions, confrontations etc.

There were worse taverns he could have picked, for sure, from the downright seedy or otherwise questionable establishments across Aqures. It was sometime in the early evening that Sephiroth passed the front door to the Space Saloon, like he had done a few hundred times since those months ago, when he’d helped to furnish it in the wake of the Battle of Aqures Ixen.

However, not more than a few strides later did a passing thought push itself to the front of his consciousness which soon found the SOLDIER turning heel and entering the Saloon a few moments later. The only interruption came, where Spencer were always at Sephiroth's side, the small bespectacled moogle turned back as soon as he realized his Hero was distracted-

"Kupo, you know we need to get back soon. Dinner will probably be on already."

"I know. Go on, I won’t be long."

Spencer squeaked, not entirely approving but far be it for him to forbid any Hero of Light from doing what they wanted, and gave a tiny quick-salute before turning back to the street that would lead him home. Sephiroth was responsible, always, and he knew he wouldn't keep Terra waiting.

One drink couldn't hurt, and it wasn’t like he had a habit of it. Break up the monotony of the routine he'd found himself settle back into again. Neither could it hurt to turn the volume of persistent poisonous thoughts down for a few hours. Might even get to relax, for a change; wasn't that what everyone else in the premises was doing, after all?

1) Had Enough [Open - Space Saloon]
2) Time to get home [Open - Post-Saloon, potential confrontations]
3) Panic Stations [Additional cw: drunk-sick]
4) End [Towards/Arriving at the Observatory/Next Morning]

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[In his defense, for all Terra knows he could have been urgently called away to work but it's unlike him in that there wasn't any note left or word sent. Spencer didn't leave his position at the front window all night, standing sentinel in case there were any sign of his Hero coming home. Sephiroth's companion moogle felt badly enough having left him at that tavern; he should have insisted. He -knew- something was wrong.

Maybe that's why Spencer felt it best that he went with Tempest to open the flower shop that day; after all the mog could sleep in the back room to catch up. Spencer is sure that he didn't want to know what had happened to Sephiroth in the meantime.

--

Sephiroth's not awake for more than a few moments when he blinks in the direction of the open door with its inquisitive green head poking around. He feels like he should smile, if not for the solid lump of misery which has settled deep inside which is making it impossible for him to. He tries nevertheless, and there is but a twitch to the side of his mouth. The very gesture, and his failure at it, just brings sadness welling up afresh.

He raises a bound-up fist to the corner of his face, to wipe away any tear that might dare to fall.]

[Terra hovers at the doorway for a moment and then steps inside. She doesn’t know what happened and she can’t pretend to guess his feelings. Sephiroth has always been himself and while their feelings in past were similar in ways there were things about Sephiroth that Terra knew she might not be able to understand. Before now, it hadn’t matter; she knew about those parts of him and loved him for them. She loved all of him but now… she didn’t even know what he was thinking.

Worry and anxiety twisted in her stomach.]

Would you like me to get you some water?

[It is still early in the morning though for Sephiroth, who usually wakes earlier than that, it’s late. Terra assumed by the sleepy look in his eyes that he’s yet to eat or to rise from his temporary bed.]

[It's more than likely a small mercy that, undoubtedly down to the regeneration inherent with his custom-Job, Sephiroth looks less in the way of beat-up than he did when he first was brought in last night. Aside from his taped-up left hand which is still a little swollen, most cuts and bruises he had incurred just have small marks left on his skin.

Of course, the same custom job backs up Terra's correct deduction that he's not been awake for very long at all. He feels like he wants to bury himself in the white sheets of the bed-that-isn't-his, rather than making the effort to at least sit up as Terra approaches.]

Sure.

[He tries not to pull a face as he moves, but it's like every tiny muscle around his gut feels like it's punishing him for what he did to himself last night.]

[Terra's eyes study Sephiroth for a brief moment before turning and leaving the room. Her search for water isn't long but it's long enough for Sephiroth to wake and begin collecting himself. As she fills a tall glass with the cool liquid her mind turns through unfamiliar thoughts in her head. She can't put a voice to them if only because she doesn't understand them herself.

When she returns there is a glass of water clasped lightly in her hands. She moves silently over to the bed side and waits for a prompt from Sephiroth.]

Are you alright?

[It is the most important question right now.]

[At least that gives him chance to grab his shirt -a fresh one that another moogle had gone to Spencer at the crack of dawn to retrieve- and he's in the process of shrugging it up around his shoulders as Terra re-enters the room. He's sure the fact that he feels cold, is probably a result of last night as well.

In fact, he'll probably spend the better part of the next two days blaming every small slip -be it physical or mental- that he makes, on last night, and by proxy, himself. Even if he'll keep quiet about it though, the fact that he knows Terra will know that almost makes that sick-gut feeling rear back up.]

That's a- [Shirt successfully shrugged on Sephiroth bites the bullet and shifts to actually sit up; at least he feels less vulnerable now that he has something on his top.]

-tough one.

[Sephiroth gently, slower than he would usually lean towards Terra, takes the glass from her. At least he doesn't seem to be suffering with a lack of mobility with the bound up hand.]

I've certainly been better, though.

[Terra’s gaze reflects only worry as he reaches forward to take the chilled glass of water. She feels her throat dry at the sight of his hand, her tongue flicking over her lips as if that might chase away the uncomfortable feeling rising in her chest. She moves gracefully but slowly, as if to match Sephiroth’s measured movements.

There is one spare chair in the room and Terra lifts it, placing it in front of the warrior before sitting. Her gaze watches him curiously, noting the guarded expression and then seeing the disappointment in his gaze. She doesn’t have to know what he did, to know that he isn’t happy with himself.]

I was worried about you. [Her voice is softer than before. Terra doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. She doesn’t know what to think or how to feel. This was completely new to her.] I’m just happy to see you in one piece.

[It’s a small measure of comfort but it’s the truth and Terra feels that it is worth saying.]

You don’t have to tell me what happened. [She’ll never make Sephiroth do anything he isn’t comfortable with.] But I’m here if you want me to be.

[It will always be his choice.]

[It doesn't take long for that discomfort to stir within him, as Sephiroth takes a short sip from the glass of water while Terra fetches the spare chair to sit closer to him. It wasn't placed too far from the bedside but the fact that she moved it - it had to mean something right?]

I know. [A simple answer to all of her statements as he places the water on the bedside table but doesn't put his gaze back in her direction; Sephiroth seems to be watching the water as it settles from being put down. He's not sure if he could meet her eyes right now.

Guilt. On top of everything else that came out last night, having that impacted it by those cool blues that often held him enraptured...]

I wanted it all to be over.

[That feeling hasn't gone too far away, either.]

[Terra watches him, her gaze measured and kind. She wants to know more but she is careful not to press him. Her curiosity has a tendency to run rampant if she doesn't keep it in check and she'd rather respect Sephiroth's space than push an issue. She tries to figure out her next question while allows for a lingering moment of silence to follow his comment.]

What is all of it?

[She asks in a soft understanding voice.

Her hands rest lightly in her lap, her posture almost perfect with her ankles crossed beneath the chair. She doesn't move and her attention remains focused on Sephiroth.]

[It's ironic that Terra might be the only person that he'd open up for if pushed just a little more, instead of clamming up which is what it appears he's trying to do by not looking at her - treating her like he would anyone else. It's too soon, it still hurts-

-He remembers how his heart felt like it might have burst from his chest when Jade had used her as ammunition in the groups struggle to get him somewhere safe. He hadn't made it easy, at all. His jaw twitches, a remembered soreness causing him to scowl; with his hair fallen out of the way a little redness is still there where Sparks had punched him too.]

Everything. This place. Us. The whole world. I just-

[His bound up hand comes up to rub at his jaw a little. The tension he's holding it together with isn't making the ache go away. Sephiroth's eyes flick finally to Terra, grounding himself in the discomfort at the side of his face as he does so.]

-I'm better off removed from all of it, Terra.

[His words hurt more than Terra's expression reveals. She watches him evenly, her bright blue gaze guarded. She doesn't know what his words specifically represent but his meaning sends an uncomfortable chill down her spine.

Without another word Terra moves forward. Her motions are slow, giving Sephiroth more than enough time to move away. Her arms wrap around his shoulders, her torso resting lightly against his as her hips move against him. She isn't completely sitting in his lap but she's close. Her face presses against his neck, inhaling the scent that has always brought her a profound amount of comfort and security.]

Please don't say that. [Her voice is soft, muffled against him.] I don't want a world without you.

[She's already lived through that once and she can say those words without any doubt in her tone.]

[He spends the entire slow time that Terra takes moving closer debating within himself what he wanted to do about it. Did he want to accept her now? Did he deserve it? Should he push her away - it sure felt like he should.

But she's there already and as the lithe girl presses him into her gentle, soft hold Sephiroth's tilted his head against her shoulder already. His shoulders shake within her arms, there is shot of tension as he tries to figure if they should backtrack-

Her words might as well be barbed wire gripping at something altogether too raw inside of him. A hot flush rushes out from his center and -with a sniff sound- wetness that came pouring out of his eyes last night quickly starts to trickle again. Tears sting his eyes, from dryness and sore ducts, but that's just another thing he's only himself to blame himself for.]

But it's all for nothing. [The anger gathering in his attempt at sharper words is flaccid at best.]

There won't be a world, for any of us.

I don’t care.

[Terra’s words were soft and yet they grew in strength with each passing moment. She pulls her head back, her arms and frame still resting against him. One hand rises up and gently brushes a few tears from his cheek. It pains her to see him cry and yet she smiles at him. Her expression filled with love.]

We’ll find someplace. [She doesn’t care where they go.] I won’t let anything pull us apart. This world, the calamity… it won’t be easy but the best things are worth fighting for.

[Terra leans forward and lightly kisses his cheek before wrapping her arms around him once again. He doesn’t have to be alone and she’ll make sure to remind him that she’s here; no matter what.]

[She's the only one, in this world or any other, that might be allowed to deliver such a gesture of comfort. As tears are wiped by her hand, Sephiroth rises those thick eyelashes of his to observe her - if only he could read what she might be thinking. He feels wretched still, in himself, and it's a wonder to him that she's even still stood there.

How could she know how to deal with him, like this? She's gotten so strong when faced with his festering weakness.]

It's not possible though.

[They are both stuck here on this world which, one way or the other, will die, be consumed - or the whole cycle reset again. Not to mention a fact that's surfaced; Sephiroth is really already dead. What sort of a future could one such as him really have after all of this? It's not fair to anyone to keep clinging on to false hope.]

We fight. We win. But we still lose.

[The last part is muffled against the front of her shoulder as Terra leans in to hug him again.]

[Terra doesn’t release him, she refuses to let him go. The more he doubts the more her determination rises. She doesn’t know its source; perhaps because he needs her, she can be strong. She’ll use that strength and hold them both up until Sephiroth has the strength to stand and face the future.]

We only lose when we give up.

[Her tone was firm but filled with hope, love and life. They could find a place, a world that would be their own. It didn’t have to be here or their homes. They would find a place made for them.]

I’m not giving up and I don’t want you to either. You don’t have to believe in this world but please believe in me.

[Terra needs to know...more. As she gets even stronger in her will holding him this is a fact that Sephiroth quickly finds himself arriving at. She'd shown him all of her cards in that report she had returned to her before from home, yet he still sat on all of his cards refusing to turn over even one in her direction.

There it was again; it wasn't fair. But not now, not even for a few days. Sephiroth's not sure if he could take, right now, being faced with all those events that he'd be ultimately responsible for not so far into his future. Not to mention how it's all already happened...how he's...]

I don't know...what I'm fighting for.

[As if to make sure Terra doesn't take it personally --he doesn't want her to think she's not important-- Sephiroth pushes his cheek more against her shoulder while bringing up one arm to wrap around her.]

I want to believe. But I- [It's his turn to pull back a little and look for those eyes again.]

-don't know....

[He's not even sure where his train of thought is now, it's like it's all becoming more and more deflated.]

[Terra can understand his confusion and more than anything she wants to give him the answers. She finds that she can’t. They are for him to determine and while she might sway him one way or the other, she cannot make the decision for him. She shallows a lump in her throat and turns to look at him when he shifts to look at her.

She tries to smile but she feels tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. She wishes so badly to help.]

Then we’ll figure it out.

[Her voice lowers to a breathy whisper though it’s no less confident in its tone.]

Together.

[Sephiroth has always had clear goals set in front of him that he's strode towards. An unstoppable force once focused on even multiple objectives at a time. His perfection in execution had been what set him apart before, had made him a Hero in the eyes of many. Before Crystallis. Before his bubble had been burst.

There wasn't a clear goal here, and recently in trying to make it clearer it's only gotten hazier. Sephiroth had made for himself smaller goals, within his comfort-zone, his work mostly - objectives that he knew he could accomplish well but now he's realized those for what they were; distractions self-inflicted in the absence of an obvious mission. That no one had really uncovered still and he felt as if, for him, it was already too late.

Please don't cry. Don't make me make you cry.

A knot twisted the other way in his stomach as Sephiroth spotted the edges of Terra's eyes as they started to gather tears. He drew his other arm up and around her and encircled her waist to just hold like she was holding him.]

I'm sorry-

[Terra softly smooths over this silver hair. Her lips pull into a warm smile even though her eyes continue to water. She can't stop feeling what she feels but crying doesn't have to be a bad thing. She isn't afraid of her tears and she'll draw strength from them, like she does everything else.]

You have nothing to apologize for.

[She moves to keep her gaze locked with his. She's sitting completely on Sephiroth's lap now, enjoying the closeness and warmth of Sephiroth's hold. This isn't a position that they sit in very often.]

Just come to me and we'll figure it out.

[Thin fingers brush at Sephiroth's bangs.]

You aren't alone.

[If only he didn't attach such a stigma to tears. Little boys cried, grown men did not. There is no strength to be taken from Sephiroth's tears, only anguish, frustration and all the weakness those things brought along with them.

He wants to be strong, like he was before for so long but as it's turned out he's just...not. His tears seem to have stopped, for the time being - like Terra's stroking at his hair could just make everything troublesome go away.

However, having Terra around always takes the sharp edges off reality. If only moments like this could really last forever; they don't sit in this position very often...perhaps they should more...it's taking a lot of self-control not to squeeze his arms around her too tightly.]

The next time -that we have time- there is something that I would like to share with you.

[Still turning the idea around in his mind, probably will until the day that he does finally commit.]

[Terra watches him curiously, her blue eyes inspecting him as if reading his thoughts. Her lips tug into a gentle, understanding smile. Warmth touches her heart and spreads through her torso. It’s happiness in its purest form.]

I would love that Sephiroth.

[She knows a little bit about Sephiroth. Not everything in his past is pretty but then there are so few things in her past that are joyous. Both of their futures are uncertain and might be unkind. These are the reasons that Terra is so focused on now.

These singular moments; they’ll never be forgotten.]

What do you need today?

[Her fingers brush against his forehead.]

You look like you need rest.

[He seems unsure of what he's thinking, but given the hangover -no matter how much Jade's potion might have helped- coupled with the inherent exhaustion that came with his equipped Job, perhaps thinking shouldn't be something he tries too hard for today. Creasing his eyebrows together like he does is quickly bringing on a migraine to add to the overall lethargy.

Not ideal. Sephiroth bows his head against the soft curve of Terra's shoulder again, closing his eyes and breathing deep as if he might indeed be able to sleep just sat against her like that. Her gentle fingers brushing his forehead summon him to sit back again to look at her face.]

Lets go home?

[Terra nods her head, her gaze filled with strength and adoration for the man holding her. She lightly brushes his hair once more before speaking.]

Yeah.

[She has no intention of leaving him along, even if he wants to be. She can have Tempest run the shop and keep an eye on things. Her first priority is Sephiroth and she wants to make sure that he's feeling better before she does anything else.]

Do you think you can stand?

[Terra realizes that she has to get up first.]

[Stroking his hair used to be weird, being that boundary no one had ever been allowed to cross before, but now it was just as comforting as Terra intended it to be. Sephiroth takes a collective breath and finally sits back from the sprite-like young girl sat on his lap. As if just realizing that she's actually sat on him.]

I might have some trouble...

[A light tease, somewhat dried out, but at least he's trying to lighten up where otherwise he might as well just sit there and hope the ground could swallow him up.]

Oh!

[Terra feels her cheeks warm and she quickly moves to stand. She hadn't wanted to get up but at the same time she knew it would be better for both of them if they returned home. It'd be a start forward and Sephiroth most likely needs that.

She holds out her hand for him feeling her smile widen.]

Sorry. Ready now?

[She likes being physically close to him which is a weird realization for Terra.]

[The longer that Terra stays in the room here with him, the clearer it becomes that going home has to be the only outcome. There is no reason for him to stay here, after all, just wallowing in the various messes and disorder that he'd caused last night wasn't going to undo it at all.

However long it's going to take to get over, best that they start to take the steps than not at all.

Sephiroth reached for her hand and squeezed it briefly, lingering his eyes on her face as if addicted to it, finally standing and glancing around for the necessary items he needs in order to get fully dressed again.]

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#15 | What goes down must come up again~?

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