Kyo jerked, eyes widening as that sound hit him right in the face. Those words. Hands cupped at his head, holding him there, and he instinctively tugged, wanting to pull his face away and avert his eyes. But the grip refused and his heart rate escalated, breathing shortening. Everything Reno said, it hit him. It hit him hard and slammed into the life he’d come from. Those dreams he had… the memories of a life he couldn’t have but in tiny pieces that might go away at any moment…

Stop it… “Don’t—!“ Reno shouldn’t be talking to him like this! He couldn’t stop what happened to Reno or himself! Whether he came or went. Stop it. “Don’t, Reno! It happened, it’s going to happen, and you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t—!” Feel guilty, keep trying, hold on. He didn’t want to be a burden, a weighty memory that held the man back, a source of his pain and frustration, poisoning whoever came next. But above all—Stop it!—don’t say those three words!

I love you.

His eyes were pools of red in a sea of white, staring at Reno like he’d just stabbed him in the chest. Maybe in a way he had. “…I miss you.” The words came out soft, trembling, Kyo’s lower lip quivering in effort to hold it in. “Every night, it’s like dream.” Why couldn’t Reno see… No, it wasn’t Reno. Kyo curled his fingers in the man’s shirt, other hand wrapping a death grip on Reno’s wrist. Feel something.

“I just wanted to stay there with you!” His words exploded out of his mouth and he pulled him close. “I don’t want to be a burden; I don’t want to be a sad memory! I want to stay with you, Reno!” Yelling, tears coming, denying all the reality around them that said none of this would last. “I love you! I finally got to say those words and mean them, have them returned.” Kyo pushed his face against the other man’s hands, trying to get closer to him. He knew… He knew Reno didn’t think about him like that, didn’t think about him as a substitute or some curious attraction. He wasn’t an object to him… He knew that… but…

“I can’t stay close to you and I kills me!”