#18 | Checking in at Fairy Tail

[shinrasfinest]

Characters: Sephiroth, Cloud & Levy
Where: Aqures Ixen; Fairy Tail HQ
When: Sometime between end of Crystal Caves player-plot and 23rd October
Summary: Perhaps it's time to use that Sapphire Crystal before it ends up that Last Elixir that just doesn't get used? Sephiroth checks in at the Fairy Tail HQ and eventually words are said to that effect.
Warning: N/A (For now)

Given the expeditions that Sephiroth has been directly involved with so far this month, it's cut into his usual duty rotation to-and-from Aqures Ixen and so to compensate the current 'call' has been extended by a couple of days. Not to mention a certain injury to his shoulder, that was made more apparent by the time they all returned to the Aqurean region, has more than afforded a couple of days extra recovery time. Well, recovery in terms of not using it very much and simply fulfilling patrol rosters with the local law enforcement.

Of course, that put a stop to the fitness regimen that was often executed in the mornings, too. Which in turn had Sephiroth with a couple of hours in which he reached the end of his latest book. It was on the way to the library, passing the Fairy Tail HQ that a thought struck. Despite the Jobs he had available, Sephiroth had never taken to magic-use in the world of Crystallis, and therefore hadn't ever given much mind to the guild itself. He remembered that they were involved sometimes in Mograma's parole activities but these were just words that he read on reports, in fact, he didn't ever remember setting foot in the building.

Maybe...Cloud was there? They'd not spoken much on the rest of the journey into the Caves after having re-discovered a certain cavern and Sephiroth didn't blame him, he still wasn't sure really if he wanted to discuss it. Was that right, though? Surely it was high time that what they'd experienced in the minds of their doppelgangers should be exorcised?

Before he knew it, Sephiroth were entering the Fairy Tail HQ, taking a look around the lobby. 

Comments

[shinrasfinest]

[He tries really hard to keep his gaze pointedly away from both Levy and Cloud as they both speak to him. But he just can't turn himself off from hearing both of them, and it stirs that notion again -of friendship, of belonging- that he'd once managed to attain without much effort at all, and how it had flash-burned out and left a hollow husk somewhere inside of him.

He hasn't gotten up though, he still hasn't walked away. It's almost as if there is an anchor in his subconscious somewhere that's preventing him from doing so. First looking over Levy as if half-expecting to read some other motive there on her face and finding none, and then back to Cloud. His heart reaches heavily towards what Levy has offered, almost strong enough to make him give-in there and then; if only his head could be persuaded to take the chance again. Those last words that the blond young man speaks are like ice-daggers being stabbed into his resolve and twisted around so as to cause the most damage.

The next breath Sephiroth takes is punctuated with an involuntary shake as it's exhaled. He's never felt so out of touch, such a stranger in his own skin, it's like that isolation he's put himself into has all of a sudden had floodlights put over it and is being picked apart like the toxic shroud it really is.]

Zack was just as mistaken, about it all, as I had been. [He wants to whisper but it wouldn't have been much more than grunting given the emotion that was swelling up his own throat despite his usually-stern attempts to turn them off.]

What exactly did you believe in, Cloud?

[neverfirstclass]

[Cloud's frown deepens. He knows things weren't perfect in SOLDIER, not with what he's learned since arriving here, and the rumors that flew around back home ran pretty thick. He was eager, but he wasn't stupid. And Zack's own warning to avoid SOLDIER hadn't come to him yet, but even then there was a line between SOLDIER the people and SOLDIER the ShinRa organization.]

I believe in people. I believe that the people of this world deserve to live, no matter what the Avatars and the Calamity and all the different Cultists do. They may be flashy, but they're just a handful of people. I believe in the Heroes too, all of us, even those that don't seem interested in saving this world. I know we keep being warned about betrayal, but there's always more to it than we get told. I can't just simply accept that we'd turn on each other on the level the Sage was showing us.

[He sighs and shakes his head, looking away from Sephiroth now, avoiding his gaze.]

And I still believe in you. I know you're worried about the Other You. The one that decided it would be better to work against the Heroes for his own goals. And he's probably at least partially to blame for that group of Heroes failing...

[He pauses, staring at a smudge on a wall while he lets that thought sit for a moment.]

But you're not him. Not yet. You have the choice. Even if you became him, you wouldn't be the same as him because you'd still have all your memories up to this point. You could still maybe make a choice.

[He finally looks back at Sephiroth, furrowing his brow and worry showing in his eyes.]

If the same happens to me, there's a chance I WON'T remember any of this. And that's another reason why I believe in everyone. Because I need them to believe in me if that happens.

[scriptrix]

[Levy nods again at Cloud's response before turning back to Sephiroth.]

I know it's not the same thing as something that actually happened, but if it helps... when we went to see the Sage, I was one of the Heroes who turned on the others in his vision. So I understand what it's like. To see your own dark side like that. To see what you could become if things were different.

[She frowns, looking down at the bar for a moment as she recalls it all.]

Honestly, when we got back, I didn't know what to think anymore. I felt like I might not be able to lead a guild like Fairy Tail at all, with the potential for that kind of darkness inside me. But you know what brought me back, and gave me confidence in myself again?

[By this time, he should be able to guess.]

Friends. Friends who believed in me, and who kept believing in me, even after having witnessed something like that. And it sounds like you've got a pretty good friend in Cloud here. I'm willing to bet there are others who believe in you just as much.

[shinrasfinest]

[Under the continued scrutiny of Cloud and Levy, Sephiroth's heavy gaze remains rooted to the floorboards of the lobby-bar, yet at the same time his frame seems stuck in place as if paralyzed and made impossible for him to move, even if inside him the need to leave the harmful situation he's gotten himself into here had already risen over the point that he would usually have already backed out from.

He's near enough scowling, but it isn't directed at anything but his own inner thoughts. While he rails against Cloud's judgments, he doesn't believe in anyone the way that Cloud does, having never been given any reason to. He doesn't believe in himself, all that strength was used up at least a year or so ago. As for what Levy said about the vision the Sage granted them-]

For reasons still unknown, I wasn't taken into that vision- [He kept his voice low, as if it were a great secret that not many people knew. Not many people did, he figured.]

-but I know what became of me. I have some idea, therefore, of the impact my failure had on others.

[A flash of Terra's soaking eyes, of her face with fresh tear-trails down it when she'd finally revealed it to him, blinks its way painfully across his minds eye. One of those never forgotten memories. As Sephiroth looks up, specifically to Levy, a reflection of those tears starts to become apparent in the corner of his own eyes.

Though as soon as he begins to feel the tightness behind his eyes he shakes his head almost angrily and takes a step away from the bar. The atmosphere was starting to feel closer around him and he needed some room.]

How can I believe in myself, when it seems that -whichever version it might be- my existence all ends up with the same result? Inevitable failure.

I heard my window was the only one left; it's almost as if it can't be broken.

[neverfirstclass]

[Sephiroth's words wash over Cloud like cold water. He wants to rail back but he forces himself to calm down. He hates hearing his Hero talk about himself as a Failure for something that didn't happen. For something that may not ever happen.

And there's something in his words that stirs an old concern as well.]

You know none of us ever really believed the Sage after that. He says he's on our side, but all he's done is threaten us with a dark future. For all we know he could have kept you out of that vision himself. We all worried about the dark versions of ourselves it showed, but I don't think any of us believe that hearing what he had to say would be enough to do that. Your death in the vision was a push, but even then it's all too much to believe.

[He clenches his hand into a fist, not in anger at Sephiroth, but just frustration at everything around them. He's back to avoiding looking directly at him though.]

If you can't believe in yourself, then maybe try believing in what you want to be. You can make a good future for yourself if you try...but you need to be the one to do it. But you don't need to do it alone. And you might not even have to break the window to get through it.

[In the end Cloud is the one to leave the room first, heading to the back and towards a well needed shower. Of course, now he needs it to clear his head as well as the Chocobo Smell.]

[scriptrix]

So... the answer is not to try?

[Levy shakes her head, frowning as she watches Cloud leave. She was hoping he'd stick this out with her, but she can understand the frustration he must be feeling.]

I think we both know the problem with that. The only way things will never change is if you give up and let them stay the same. If you don't want to become that person - if you don't want your friends to end up the way they did - then stand up and fight.

[She glances toward the door.]

Cloud's right, you know. You don't have to do any of it alone. If you can't break the window, let one of us break it for you. I'll fly to Mysidia and bust it apart myself if it's that important to you.

[shinrasfinest]

[To Cloud's credit, he hardly knows about the failures that Sephiroth attaches to himself from before. From dealings within SOLDIER, regarding the only two friends he had ever let himself have, to that overall notion of hopelessness that he wrestles with when he's not otherwise occupied here on Crystallis.

Green eyes fall back to the floor once more as Cloud walks away; he doesn't blame the younger man, at all. He infuriates himself with his own roundabout thinking as well. It wasn't exactly the 'clearing of air' that he wanted to settle with Cloud but there does seem to be some weight off with what has been said on his part.]

Levy. [It's a moment before Sephiroth manages to compose himself enough, swallow back unsettled bitter feelings and look back up to her directly.]

It's finding exactly what it is that I'm fighting for. And having that something last just long enough for it to have been worthwhile.

[He glances around the now otherwise-empty lobby and finally raises the glass of water to take another sip.]

It always seems to slip through my grasp...each time that I think I've found it.

[scriptrix]

Well, the only way to find it is to keep looking, right?

[Levy nods in understanding, a sympathetic smile spreading across her features as she folds her arms.]

I wish I had the answer, but that's something everyone has to find out for themselves. But I can promise you one thing.

[Her smile quirks up a bit as a light chuckle escapes her lips.]

Well, two things. First, I promise I'll stop hounding you after this. But second...

[She points at the door Cloud just walked out through.]

No matter how many doors fate closes in your face, that one will always be open. If there's any way at all Fairy Tail can help, we'll be happy to have you.