I'll Face Myself - Ales

[umslay]

Characters: Ales and OPEN
Where: Palitutu's Lab
When: November 10th
Summary: Ales wants to get this over with so he can go on to saving Crystallis and face his Shadow. It's not what he expected, and he's having difficulty facing it.
Warnings: Self-loathing and mentions of bullying, more will be added if necessary. Please keep this to one thread.

November 10th. The day where he can make a difference. No more waiting and hoping the other Heroes will fix things. No more depending on others. Ales learned his lesson the hard way: playing nice can only get him so far. He knew what he was like deep down. He knew what he was capable of. This Shadow of his would be no problem for him.

It was due to this confidence that Ales did not seek help from the other Heroes as he weaved his way down the hall through lab workers and trolleys of equipment. He protected his file, and no one would learn of his past without his permission. His plan was to face his Shadow alone, not letting anyone else see whatever dark secrets he held.

He crept through the crack in the door, Mimi following close behind. The Moogle had promised not to speak about Ales' plans, but an uneasy pit sat at the bottom of her stomach. From what she heard, this wasn't meant to be easy. Ales was smart and confident, but if his Shadow started hurting him...well, she'd cry at least. She had a silent, private promise to herself that if anything went wrong, she'd rush out and look for help. Out of concern for his safety, of course.

The preparations went through with minimal conversation. Mimi sat beside another silent Moogle wearing a labcoat and watched him as he inserted the Black Crystal into the indent.

"I'll have to shut it down if it puts your life in danger, kupo." A paw lingered over the power button.

"I appreciate the safeguard," Ales replied.

The machine whirred to life. Ales shut his eyes as the Moogle pressed several more buttons to summon a burst of energy that coalesced in front of the Teensie. He could feel losing a bit of himself, but not weakened, and his Ghostbuster Job was removed to leave him only with Scholar. Good. A decent Job he wouldn't complain about.

The return of silence prompted him to open his eyes. He was a bit disappointed by the Shadow's appearance: just himself with beady purple eyes. One would think that his inner self would wear all black and look, well, cooler. Proud. Cut off from his emotions.

This was just sad. Literally sad. The Shadow's eyes were downcast as he slouched like some whiny child.

The two stood there for a minute. Ales watched the Shadow for any sign of aggression. It just stood there. Not saying anything. Not doing anything.

"Is this some kind of mistake?!" Ales directed his confusion at the Moogles.

"Of course it isn't, you thickheaded idiot. I'm you." The Shadow had straightened its back, but its features were still soft and melancholy.

"Really. Really"?

Comments

[shinrasfinest]

In the meantime, the solider at the back of the room seems to have turned back into a spectator rather than an involved party. It seems that between Lydia and Akane, they've this in hand a lot more efficiently than he could ever provide such support to an individual that he hardly knew. Sephiroth's own solitary nature that he made for himself prevented him from building such bridges, and the recent exception to that standard had...

He's going to have to reconsider stepping in on any of these, going forward, if it's just going to have him reflect it back into himself every time.

Still, Ales' conceding to his Shadow's idea of actually wanting companionship more than he lets himself admit makes Sephiroth smile inside. It strikes a chord; if Ales could really be like that underneath his Persona then...perhaps it might be somewhat similar in his own case? He's still not about to take this on for himself but just as an example of what -might- be repressed is educational at least.

"It's not about trusting others not to eventually hurt you..." He muttered, perhaps not even loud enough for it to really be heard. "...it's about trusting that they will be there, at all."

[deadlyvu]

Lydia was glad Tsubomi was being more harsh--but she had a purpose, as she hugged Ales still. They could talk about his behavior later--including this promise about betraying and not-hurting her. But based on her research, it was more important right away that they help him accept his shadow.

Rejection probably wouldn't go well for anyone, especially Ales--so acceptance was her goal. The rest could wait. She let Ales pull away a bit after her initial hug, giving him some space.

But as he spoke, she leaned in again and hugged him tightly. "Companionship, friends, they make the times we hurt, the times we suffer, easier to bear." Encouraging him, and making a mental note to herself.

Follow up with Akane, and Sephiroth, later. For now Ales was her focus. Clearly he'd never had real friends before, and knowing some of his backstory Lydia wasn't surprised. But he was her friend--and she'd help him be better than he had been.

[umslay]

When Lydia hugged him again, Ales did not flinch or freeze up. She was still here. Everyone was still here, and it made the whole ordeal less terrifying. Even his Shadow appeared less distraught, though his expression was sad. It waited for Ales to say something.

He looked around the room once more.

At Sephiroth, who appeared to be saying something in agreement, but inaudible from where Ales was standing. He wasn't disgusted by this display of weakness, but unless it was just his imagination, he seemed to be understanding. A man he respected that respected the Teensie.

At Akane, who was impressed by his skill before and after meeting his Shadow. Who reminded him that he was strong in his own way. That there were people here that thought highly of him. Of those whose kindness towards him were completely, confidently devoid of pity. Even Betilla was not guilty of such a thing.

At Tsubomi, fearful and whom Ales expected to attack him at at moment, yet still trying to understand. He didn't know what she'd do after today, whether she'd warn everyone to oppose him, lecture him, or something else. But she was still important now.

"...Don't tell anyone about this," he said to no one in particular. Everything would come out in due time. It was part of the reason why he locked his file.

He couldn't turn around to look at Lydia, but he did have one more question for her.

"But this doesn't meant I'll run around befriending everyone. I have to trust them first. Besides, what good would that have done when I was small?"

"It might have worked. Apparently it's worked for other people. We wish we could feel that way about anyone else?"

Ales was about to retort, but he decided not to argue on that point. He was tired of thinking about this.

"Anyway...what am I supposed to do about this?"

[sesenta]

He seemed to be pulling through. Akane smiled, deeply relieved, and rocked up onto the balls of her feet as she beamed her approval and encouragement.

"Well...I think it goes away as soon as you acknowledge that this is a part of you, and accept it as such. I haven't faced my own yet, so..." She shrugged. He was close to doing that anyway, so she was sure the conclusion wasn't too far off.

"If you like, maybe we can take our lunch breaks together," she suggested. "I'm not really so great at making friends myself, so we can both be as awkward as we like!" ...Was that supposed to be a good thing?

[deadlyvu]

Lydia just hugged him still, smiling to herself. Proud of him. "You stop hiding it. No one is saying you have to go make friends with everyone. Trust is important."

Letting him pull out of the hug if he wanted, she remained close and glanced back at Akane too. "She's right though, you accept this is part of yourself. That's all."

Grinning, she motioned back to include the other girl too. "She was part of the research team, and we can all go to lunch if you'd like. Or just you and me. Because you're my friend Ales, and we can make other friends too."

Yes Akane, she's willing to be friends with you too.

[umslay]

"That's sounds too easy to be true." Just go out to lunch and feel connected to people. Accepts that he was a mess and accept the people that wanted to be friends. He had difficulty trusting Betilla, and that was before he attempted to overthrow Polokus.

What was going on?

"We're afraid. But we can't undo everything that happened in this room. Just like being bullied, just like being ignored, just like everything else, it's in the past and something we have to accept."

Ales looked at his Shadow one last time. He actually agreed with him. If he had ignored everything about his childhood, he would be a different Teensie. He wouldn't have put all his energy into the sciences. If he could reach out to people and make up for his past...he could become even better.

"...Alright. Lydia, let me go." He slid out of her grasp and walked up to his Shadow until they were standing face-to-face. With a deep breath, he held out a hand.

"We're in this together."

With a smile, the Shadow grasped Ales' hand for a handshake. Light filled the room, and when it reached below a blinding brightness, there was only one Teensie standing there.

[shinrasfinest]

Afraid. Was he afraid in a similar way, really?

Sephiroth didn't much like that notion at all but managed to keep his thoughts to himself and steered his outlook back out towards Ales as he finally faced his Shadow, expressing his support in a muted nod as the light dimmed back to reveal only Ales remaining stood in the room.

Was it really so simple as all of that had sounded? To just accept ones flaws and that would be it? Still, he'd spent an enormous amount of that time just watching and muttering that now he should at least-

"Good job, Ales." Sephiroth raised his voice as he stepped forward, a light smile forming at each of the corners of his mouth.

[sesenta]

"Yes!" Akane cheered. She came within a fraction of an inch of applauding, but that was probably a little inappropriate. Just a tiny bit. Even so, she was proud of him. With all that he'd endured, and all of the things he'd done, it must have been insanely difficult to accept the reality of what he'd done and the resulting consequences.

It was something she'd need to do, too. She had little doubt that she'd be drawing inspiration from this moment.

"How do you feel? Do you need any rest? I mean, it is pretty late." After going through that ordeal, she was sure he was physically and emotionally exhausted.

[umslay]

He did do a good job. He conquered in Shadow in on go. The lowered head and tired expression did not match the celebratory event it should have been. Everyone knew that he did awful things at home, the one thing he strove to keep away since his arrival on Crystallis. Two years later, it was all for nothing.

He wondered if Palitutu ever felt this way.

"Can I leave now?"