melodiesoflife | In Hushed Whispers

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In Hushed Whispers

Characters: Ellana Lavellan, Akane Kurashiki, Vincent Valentine, Duster, Sephiroth, Mary Reed and K'pandolu Tohka, should they accept the invitation.
Where: Palitutu's Lab
When: November 17th, onward through the month
Summary: It's yet another lining up to summon the thing! ...With a few post-Shadow prompts incoming later.
Warnings: Death, nihilism, Shadows being shadows...

On the 14th, the few who at least knew of her or visited Thedas months prior would receive a message directly from Falon.

Greetings,
I, like many others, have deigned to summon my Calamity Self. As the 17th is one of the few days this month I shall be in Aqures Ixen, it will be the earliest opportunity to do so. With the encroaching corruption, it seems wise to get this over with sooner rather than later, thus I shall be heading for the laboratory in the afternoon.

It's rather difficult for me to ask of this, but I would like to request your support in this endeavor. Creators only know how well this will go.

Regards,
Ellana Lavellan

She is true to her word as well, after having a cup of tea for her nerves, she headed straight for Palitutu's Laboratory, Falon hanging on her shoulder after handing the other moogle technicians her Crystal. "I'm right here, kupo. Deep breaths."

"I know, Falon." She reached up to pet his head, but the moment she did, another her stepped out of the shadows and scowled. Purple eyes were not the only distinguising marks on her, as the other self hid her neck with a khaki scarf, light iron shoulder guards over a green traveler's tunic... faded deep green markings covering her face.

"Lavellan garas quenathra? Ma banal las halamshir var vhen." It glared daggers at the real Ellana, before turning to any who answered her request for aide. "Well, what a merry band of misfits you have gathered here. Still looking to others for guidance, I see... A regular bully, aren't we? And they're all shems, as well!"

Somehow, the way the Calamity Self used that word was likely a grave insult to every non-elf in the room.

"...She asks why I came, when I contribute nothing to further our cause." Ellana translated, unphased by the insult. Though despite her calm tone, her left hand twitched ever-so-slightly. "I fail to see how asking for a few to accompany me here is 'bullying' however. Care to enlighten me?"

"Must I? After all, you never went anywhere unless you had three friends to follow your every word. A lowly elf, no less!" Ellana barely repressed a sigh of annoyance, and the Other grinned. "And 'our cause'? How quick you are to forget the teachings of the People. Not that I am surprised; you seem to stumble into things far beyond our capabilities even before you awakened to this particular call." The Other Ellana paced back and forth, armor glinting in the light. "After all, you volunteered to go spy on the shems, even knowing that your brother was more than capable of making the journey, and because of it, you have what? One? Two years, perhaps? Yet instead of living to groom the Second to take your place, you went off to play hero in a war not your own."

"Incorrect. Any war that can shake the world to the extent that it threatens all life is everyone's war." Ellana was quick to shoot down, beginning to circle her Shadow as well. "Even if I should agree with the sentiment behind that, it isn't as though I would go back and change a single action."

"Even your exiling the very people who saved the same world from the Blight ten years prior?" Shadow Ellana countered, and when Ellana had no rebuttal, it laughed. "How rich, coming from the one who became a founding member of their inquisition. You were their figure, their symbol, saving their pathetic world from their own mess... You are nothing but a slave to fate and chance, fighting to save a dying world from the sins of it's people. Again."

Ellana shrugged. "You speak as though this is something I haven't known since the day I joined the Inquisition. So, unless you have nothing but disparaging and degrading commentary to our comrades, I suggest getting to the point."

Main Confrontation
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Akane had witnessed a few Shadows before. It never failed to surprise her just how different they were compared to their counterparts, even though they had the very same physical appearance. The attitude, the manner of speech, the harshness...

She shook her head quietly and exhaled. "Ellana," she called gently. "These are your feelings. They're just a part of you that you've kept hidden. Arguing won't change the way you feel about these things, no matter how sound your logic may be." She clasped her hands tightly together in front of her. She wouldn't have guessed her roommate harbored so much self-doubt, and inward criticism.

But there was nothing wrong with that.

"I don't think it can leave until you admit that this part of you exists...even if it's just a very small part of you."

It was his place to support Ellana though this, as far as Sephiroth was concerned. She was a good steady hand within his brigade and therefore it was only right that he attend the Calamity-self confrontation she had invited him to. Like Akane, he'd seen a couple of these already though had not really been directly invited; it added a touch more pressure but that was a personal burden that didn't have a right interfering here.

As her CO, he might even call it an obligation to help her through this.

As the Shadow laid on the various critiques, Sephiroth listened to try and glean the message behind those -quite dirty, he though- words that it spoke; paying significantly more attention to Ellana than the Shadow, almost as if it wasn't in the room as it's own entity. Denying it any strength over the unfiltered feelings that it spewed forth. Indeed, these things were just manifestations of parts of each person that they'd rather not anyone see, even themselves.

"Battle fatigue is only natural, too. Yet it takes a certain strength to remain steadfast against all odds."

Duster folded his hands and squeezed his elbows, looking at the floor. The words Calamity Ellana flung at the real one struck similar spots in his heart. Taking up one set of responsibilities means discarding another. It was either going with Lucas or staying with DCMC. One or the other, abandoning one set of friends to make the other happy. He hated making the decision for himself.

"It's hard, going out to save the world when you already have a life to live. I couldn't even make the choice myself. Someone else had to do it. But you...you made the hard decision yourself. You can't please everyone, no matter how much you wish it were possible."

The scope of Ellana's home life was much greater than the quiet existence in Tazmily or the joyful life of a rock star, and to Duster that made her better.

"But you made your decision, and I can tell you're doing your best, right?"

K'pandolu's ears pricked up at the sound of a language she didn't recognise, nor understand, intrigued despite the situation- and the implied meaning in the way the other spoke. Still- they were here to offer what support she could, and she focused on the conversation, ears forward, tail twitching. The mention of spying puzzled her, but otherwise- she exhaled, with a slightly stronger twitch of her tail. That was the kind of thing Cole had seen, wasn't it? That call, to fight for the world.

She moved forward a little, eyes intent on Ellana. "It is no easy task to be called to," she said. "These thoughts- I have thought them, too. Perhaps not in exactly the same way, but- you are not alone in this."

Vincent had been surprised at the invite, but came. Having seen Ellana's world, and though their interactions were few there was respect there. A hint of kindred spirits perhaps.

Certainly her self-loathing that was being shown, was familiar to him. For now though he simply listened. Crimson-eyes keeping steady watch on Ellana and her shadow as they circled each other. Lurking near the back, watching for a way he might help other than simply being a physical representation of support for her.

Thing was, she wasn't trying to suggest that she didn't believe it might be a part of her. She just disliked long-winded monologues, much like what her Shadow was doing. It also didn't help that she never really did things by anything.

Ellana didn't turn around when the others spoke, but the way her shoulders tense at Sephiroth's, and then Duster's, words was likely very telling. "...Which is exactly why I wouldn't allow my carefree brother follow." If she had, then he'd have-

The Calamity Self doesn't let her finish that thought however, a hollow laugh escaping it's mouth. "Save your pathetic empathy," it chastised, turning on Duster with a grin that didn't belong on the young politician's face. "It was never a choice to begin with. Don't you see?"

"The moment we stepped foot in that village was the moment where naught could be taken back. Our path was set to be either the guide through the tempest of chaos... or its harbinger in the eyes of a people who would bring about their own destruction otherwise. Ah, but that's not the whole truth is it?"

"We could have left, after all. Could have told them to sod off. Though you didn't like the consequences of that action nearly as much, hm? Especially after seeing the future without us in it."

For the first time in years, Ellana wanted to scream. Yet still she held it back; throwing a fit would not accomplish anything, after all. Yet as she spoke, an odd air of guilt and sadness seemed to echo in her words. "I never denied that I didn't want this. That regardless of what I did, history would never remember me fondly. I am an elven mage, after all. And with what I did last month, I-"

"Oh, but you did. Even now you put in the air of being an equal to those in this room, when you are anything but."

"...You say this whilst bearing the mark of slavery our own people once branded one another with," she pointed out guardedly.

"And why shouldn't I? After all, we are nothing but a pawn--a slave to the whims of the people we so desperately want to save. That's why you still shed tears for the man who left you on the eve of victory when no one's looking~"

With that, Ellana snapped, and Calamity Ellana grinned. If something wasn't done soon, this could escalate rather quickly. "Shut up!"

Duster's hands balled up, and his shoulders noticeably tensed as the Shadow turned to mock him. If her harsh expression didn't shut him up, it was her words. No choice other than to leave. A fate she hardly had control over. It was almost just like...

But this wasn't the time and place for that. Ellana needed them the most, and Duster couldn't let personal feelings get involved. He swallowed down the ball forming in the back of his throat and remained silent.

He looked away.

The stoic Colonel remained as such, green eyes flicking from Ellana to her Shadow and back almost languidly as Hero and Calamity-Self seemed to take it in turns, though Duster wasn't the only one who ended up becoming just a touch more on the tense side over not only the manner with which the Shadow spoke, but with the gravity of the accusations being used as ammunition.

He wasn't sure if he'd have been able to stand there through half of what Ellana had just put up with, but if anything it was a show of her strength of resolve that she lasted all that long. Sephiroth winced internally at the last scathing remark.

"That's hardly relevant, at all." It took effort, indeed, but Sephiroth managed to keep a firm air of authority about his tone. His shoulders up and back straight, looking at the Calamity-self but not holding it's gaze for any longer than he did Ellana herself.

"Loyalty can indeed be a burden, every soldier knows the sacrifice being so selfless can entail. But at the same time duty is no form of slavery and you know that. It brings it's own rewards."

K'pandolu straightened a little more, her tail continuing to flick, agitated. Not the past, but the future… "Given such a vision- it would be difficult to leave."

She tilted her head, frowning. "But- it's always hard to lose someone. Even if you can't allow those feelings to get the better of you- it's hard not to feel something when something like that happens. I think- I could imagine…" If Ellana was shedding tears for that man, he must have been someone important to her. Maybe it wasn't quite the same as K'pandolu's own feelings, in the here and now, but all the same… She rubbed her arm, looking away, but refocused after a few moments, worried for Ellana. "… What happened, though?"

"Oh, but it is. How do you think we know what these marks on our face mean, when the Elvhenan have been dead for over a thousand years?" Not that any of these gathered here would know, save the two facing one another. Somehow even more smug than before, the Calamity self continued. "It was he who told us, who had been by our side since the Anchor had first nearly killed us. Funny how he knew how to do that, now that I think on it... It's such an ancient magic that had been sapping our life force away, after all."

Ellana absentmindedly grasped her left elbow in her right hand, gazing down at the green markings on her wrist that her garb didn't hide. Lines that once shown so brightly, but cut off from the Fade as they were, dimmed.

"...I don't know," she coarsely whispered. There was so much she didn't know, was never told of. Yet she'd been thrust into this situation not once, but twice. By the Creators, she almost wished it had taken the form of a giant spider right about now. "We'd won the war, defeated the man who would see my world corrupted by Fear and Terror and he the new god. Yet when I turned around to see him once more, Solas was gone."

For once, all signs of smugness leave the other Ellana's face. "Solas, he was far more than just another man in the force against chaos. He was my first friend, my savior, and the one who guided me when I lost my way. He was my one love, my heart. The wisdom we so desperately wanted, and our insight into the Fade. That's why I hate him so much.

"First he sacrificed himself with Varric and Leliana so that I could return to the past and undo his mistakes, and then he leaves when victory is had? If only he saw fit to trust me as I did him..."

Ellana's grip on her elbow tightened as the shadow continued, but she said not a word. Even as she fought back tears.

Ah, so it was like that.

Ellana's absentminded fidgeting drew Sephiroth's attention back to her all the same. As a solider in his own army, even if he'd not personally heard of the green markings she had, they were most likely documented somewhere as something of a distinguishing feature; like his iridescent eyes with their slitted pupils.

He raised his gaze from where she were staring at her wrist, up finally to Ellana's face as she continued to explain. Even in the lighting of this room within the laboratory, Sephiroth's expression seemed for a moment to loosen a little. A few concepts stirred interest, that almost-familiar feeling he often got from learning about other worlds and then quickly tallying them up against his own experiences.

As for when the Shadow spoke of Solas though, the frown returned between silver eyebrows. Sephiroth too, had quickly found himself despising one he had once been closer too than almost anyone else. Trust had been stretched thin and shredded under the clarity of hindsight. Genesis...

"...Often I find that trust is hardly reciprocated in ways that are immediately obvious. If he hadn't trusted you, then why send you back to correct his mistakes?"

"Oh..." Duster took a step back. He himself had no memories of losing so many loved ones, and even then, his connection with Hinawa and Claus was not as close as the bond between Ellana and Solas. He couldn't bear watching his friend's Calamity self tear at this wounding memories, but as much as he wanted to fight it until it left her alone, he knew that it was up to Ellana to deal with it.

That did not make his acceptance to stand back any more comfortable.

His eyes drifts towards Sephiroth, agreeing with what he said. "That's right. Solas knew you could fix everything. That's why he cared so much about you. Even so...it must have hurt him to do that."

Akane was...rather at a loss. Without any context from which to draw, she couldn't understand much of what was being said or why it was something Ellana wanted to repress so badly. But she hated seeing that look of pain and vulnerability on the face of someone who had always treated her so kindly. Time and time again Akane had wondered why Ellana didn't simply move out, especially after Halloween. But she'd stayed.

It made her wonder if she would have an easier time dealing with her shadow if none of them were around to listen to all of the secrets being laid bare.

"Ellana, do you want us to leave, or...plug our ears? What your other self is saying isn't really our business, and I don't want this to be harder on you if you're not ready to share any of this with us yet." Despite her offer, she took a step forward, holding her fist uncertainly against her chest. "But if it helps you to have us stay, just say so. I'll stick it out with you, no matter what."

"Just- gone, like that? I can't think…" K'pandolu shook her head, her gaze going distant. Vanishing on the eve of victory…? It seemed too strange for words. "There must… there must have been some reason for it."

Her eyes flicked to Ellana's left wrist, and she stepped forward, wanting to offer some physical comfort. "If he has this insight you speak of- perhaps he meant to look for an answer to this magic. But…" She frowned, ears flicking. "I can't say for certain," she said, slowly. "He's the one who knows- he should have said something."

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In Hushed Whispers

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