melodiesoflife | Withered Flowers Forget What They Wept For Day After Day

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Withered Flowers Forget What They Wept For Day After Day

WHO: Akane Kurashiki, Aoi Kurashiki
WHAT: Anyone who's gone through what Akane has is bound to have some pretty screwed up things happen to them. Now it's time to let out that darker side in full force.
WHEN: November 22nd
WHERE: Palitutu's Laboratory - Aqures Ixen
WARNINGS: Extreme spoilers for 999: Zero Escape, graphic descriptions of violence

Akane didn't want anyone to see the side of herself she already knew lurked inside of her subconscious. It was shameful, and it was dark. Worst of all, not only was she aware that it existed, she was also certain she'd barely scratched the surface of that horrid Shadow. On the positive side, she could at least be confident that she wouldn't reject that side of herself.

What really frightened her was the thought of accepting it, and still being consumed by all of that darkness. It could still twist her, warp her into a monster just as foul as the people she'd come to hate and loathe.

Ace.
Narasimha.
Drona.

She had the potential to be just as cruel as any of them, maybe worse. That was why she only told her brother what she intended to do. Not only did she trust him to watch over her and keep her sane, but he had the right to know all that she was. If he truly wished to cut his ties with her and live his own life, then seeing what she hid inside might be enough to give him that extra push. He could leave her without a twinge of guilt, for who would want to remain connected to a monster?

When requested, she gave up her crystal: a small, purple five-pointed star. "I'll stay a White Mage," she said, her voice brittle and broken as it stuck in her throat. "If I do fail...if it possesses me...that's the weaker of the two jobs." She turned her eyes to Aoi with a silent, meaningful gaze. If he did wind up having to fight her, she wanted to make sure he had to fear only one of her jobs, the one possessed by her Calamity self.

The figure that appeared before her looked the same, with only two key differences. There was a sharper, more vivid intensity in the Shadow's purple eyes than Akane's for one. For the other, there was a black rage that twisted her pretty face, filled with hate, desperation, and a kind of quiet resignation.

Akane's lips parted as she released a quivering breath, her fingers knotting in the hem of her white robes as she tried to steel herself for what came next. But she wasn't ready.

Her Shadow screamed, a sudden burst of wild desperation and panic exploding from her throat. Her purple eyes bulged as she clutched at her head, fingers knotting in her hair, teetering helplessly on her own two feet. The Moogle at the machine and Keys Kupo both clapped their paws to their ears as they started violently. Akane jumped too.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Aaaaah.......hhhaaahhhhh.... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" It keened pitifully, over and over as the Shadow staggered back, pushing her shaking shoulders into the wall as if she might be able to shove herself inside if she just pushed hard enough. "I don't want to! I don't want to! No more no more no more no more! Just let them all die, I don't want to do it anymore! Pleeeeeeeeeease!

Akane's chest ached, and her stomach felt heavy. She might have preferred the scathing rebukes that so many others endured. This wild-eyed terrified part of her...it had to stay repressed. For the sake of her sanity, for the sake of her goals, she couldn't ever allow this to come to the surface.

Not ever.

Her shoulders wilted as she cupped her hands to her mouth and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Calamity Akane barely noticed her, babbling about the twisted deformities of Downapolis, the butchered rabbits in the hut, the smell of her own burning flesh... Every nightmare she'd witnessed while she was wide awake had bubbled to the surface.

"I should have realized it would be this way." Her hands slid from her face to drift down to her sides. "I truly am...broken inside. Aren't I."

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The shadow shrank back at first, but not far enough that she would reject her brother's love. She gave up her knees in favor of putting her shaking arms around his shoulders, her body trembling as she clung to him. She was warm, alarmingly so, but it was only her Calamity Self. Akane could only stand awkwardly where she was, tightly gripping one wrist in her other hand.

It hurt to hear those words come out of her reflection, but she couldn't deny that she had those feelings inside of her. Every regret she had, every insecurity, she'd had to stuff away for the sake of a future where the world wasn't shrouded in crimson, choked with radiation and corpses. That meant sacrificing her happiness. And Junpei's. And Aoi's. None of them could really ever be happy.

But here... She looked at Duster, furrowing her brow. The chance for Aoi, at least, was within reach. He could stay here, find love, and be safe.

"Get out." The shadow glared balefully at Duster from over Aoi's shoulder, her violet eyes bright with distrust and hatred. "You weren't invited here. You don't even really like me. The only reason you talk to me at all is because I'm Aoi's sister." She clutched at the white-haired young man a little tighter, possessive and unwilling to share. "You don't know anything about me that he didn't tell you himself."

"W-what?!" Duster took a long step back. He had expected the Calamity self to target the Hero it belonged to, not to tug at the fears of the people around. Calamity Akane may as well have been another Tanetane hallucination. Duster was spending more time with Aoi than Akane. He didn't know her that well. He's not a real friend. He doesn't care about Akane.

His breathing quickened, and he could feel himself start to sweat under his shirt.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He was thoughtless if this was how Akane truly felt about him. He didn't belong here, not with someone who mistrusted him and another who he used to trust. Leaving her with her brother would be a better decision than staying here.

[Aoi leans back from the Shadow Akane to look at Duster. He frowns at both of them.]

Dude, we don't need that kind of half-ass commitment. Either you stay and help, or you get the fuck out. [And if Duster left, Aoi would really know it was over for good. Anyone who would leave his sister behind was an enemy.]

And you. [He turned back to Calamity-Akane, and gave her the same forehead flick he'd given the real version of his sister.] You don't get to act like nobody likes you if you're not even willin' to give 'em a chance to help you. Maybe we wouldn't have to be alone if we finally dropped the cloak and dagger bullshit and trusted people more.

The Shadow flinched and abruptly recoiled from Aoi, hugging her arms and sulking as she refused to look at him.

Akane didn't really know what to say. Maybe she did feel left out, and merely tolerated for the sake of being Santa's sister, but she never wanted it to be said so harshly. It wasn't as if Duster were a bad person he just...

"You deserve better," Calamity Akane grumbled, frowning at the ground. "He murdered you under someone else's control, and you were more worried that someone else would hurt him. You didn't think twice about his motivations." Her eyes narrowed as she glowered at the ground. "But when you get manipulated, suddenly you're the bad guy, the one who has to prove your trustworthiness to him. That's such bullshit."

Akane flinched and closed her eyes, closing her hands into fists. "I haven't done anything deserving to earn anybody's trust," she confessed, ignoring her shadow in favor of answering her brother. "Not in this world, not in ours. And even knowing that...I still want..." Her head tipped back as she blinked back her tears and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know how to exist without being selfish. If this Halloween taught us anything, it should be that you shouldn't trust me so quickly, Aoi. It's not the same as it was before, I can't see all the pathways anymore. I don't know what's right. I don't even know how to put up a decent fight!" she blurted out with a helpless, tragic laugh. "I keep ruining your chances of happiness, over and over and over. I'm so tired of it! I'm just...tired." She rubbed at her eyes. "I've been tired for a long time, and I don't know what to do anymore."

Aoi didn't wait for Duster's answer. He had two trainwreck sisters to deal with. A brother's work was never done. He jabbed a finger at the Calamity-Akane.

"You shut up for a minute and see if you can't figure out why that's some fucked-up logic. You've got Akane's brain. You're supposed to be smart."

He turned to the real version. "And will you stop actin' like you're a special snowflake? So you don't got your ESPer powers. You can fuckin' choose your own magic here. You own a goddamn mech. You are NOT helpless."

He stood up, stretched his arms over his head until his shoulder joints popped. Then he stalked toward the real Akane. "And yeah, you're selfish. Everybody is. Every. Goddamn. Person. You think I'm not? I wanted to save you because I was selfish and I refused to let my sister, my purpose go. If anyone ruined my life, it was me. Or better yet, it was fuckin' Hongou, the motherfucker who actually, y'know, kidnapped us and KILLED YOU?"

He dropped his angry yelling down to a whisper. "So, yeah, you're tired. You should be. But you got two choices. You give up and deal with whatever happens, or you wake yourself the fuck up and try to fix what's gone wrong. And I don't think the girl who went 9 years into the future to save herself is gonna give up without a fight now."

So this is what she really thought. He knew it. He should have known that he made a big mistake. The one time he makes a huge decision on his own, he leaves an even bigger mess.

But this wasn't the time. Duster didn't come to explain himself to Aoi. He came to help Akane.

With a deep breath, he raised his voice to a level she had not heard before. "I'm not blaming you for Halloween! Just because you were being controlled doesn't mean it was your fault! I'm not even angry at you!" He remained far behind Aoi, but with each sentence, he dared to hold his arms higher. If her brother was lecturing her from right in front of her, Duster would tell her his thoughts from a distance.

"I don't know you well, and I don't know what powers you had. But I do have friends from Tazmily that were powerful even without PSI! You're strong, too..." His arms dropped, and he bit his lip before continuing. "You can talk to anyone, and they like you. You're smart. You're someone that Aoi will trust with his life. You've got a lot of hidden strength, but you have to realize it...."

Akane couldn't look her brother in the eyes. The things he said... They actually made her feel worse. If she wasn't helpless, then why was she so useless? She hadn't been able to help at all when they went to Downapolis. They hadn't been able to save anybody. So many people were hurt for her sake. She'd made her only friend suffer horribly. And her own brother had to bear the brunt of that responsibility.

She didn't know what to do anymore. Her heart and her head sank in despair.

But Duster's voice gave her an unexpected jolt. She glanced up at him, transfixed. Did he really think all of that about her? People liked her...? Hidden strength? She wasn't sure if he was just saying it to stop her from breaking down on the spot, or if he truly felt that way. He sounded so sincere. "Dust...I'm so sorry I--"

"So I'm your purpose." The Calamity self, momentarily forgotten was now on its feet with a strange look on her tear-streaked face. Her burning violet eyes were fixed, unblinking, on Santa. "But having a purpose is not the same as having happiness."

At her side, the tip of a long knife could barely be seen concealed against her thigh. He might have been able to guess what would happen next.

"Without your purpose, perhaps only then will you be able to seek your own desires." There was no further warning. The shadow suddenly lunged forward, but not at Santa. Her target was Akane, her true self. And she meant to bury the knife to the hilt in Akane's gut.

"Wha? GODDAMN IT!" He saw the glint of a knife- why was it always knives with her, huh? Luckily, Aoi had always been faster than Akane. It had led to her getting left behind in their first Nonary Game, but it worked for him now.

He put himself between Akane and psycho-Akane. There wasn't time to divert the attack, but that was fine. It...probably kind of proved Akane's point, but he didn't stop to think it through.

"AKANE!" Duster had not noticed the knife, but the look the Shadow gave her, the lunge, it was hostile. Whether he was wanted or not, he could not let her die. He rushed at the woman with purple eyes, reaching a hand out to grab her by the collar of her shirt.

As Duster yanked the shadow back, she released her hold of the knife. But her hands were red and sticky, as was the dagger sticking out of Aoi's back. Both girls were wide-eyed in shock, but the one who seemed the most affected was perhaps his stabber. Her hands came to her face, white as a sheet, as she started to hyperventilate.

"No...no no no no...it wasn't supposed to be you...how many times does it have to be you instead of me?! Aaahhhhhh....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Akane, unable to see where the knife had gone, had nonetheless seen the small jerk of her brother's body, and her hands instinctively reached out for his shoulders. "What...Aoi...are you...?" Her gaze flicked to the side, wincing as her Calamity self started screaming hysterically.

Her mind buzzed with a numb haze. She'd stabbed him. Her other self had stabbed him. She couldn't even be sure if it was intentional or not. She'd only just barely acquired the White Mage job, but that didn't stop her from acting immediately. "Cure! Cure!" She'd cast it as often as she needed to in order to stop the bleeding. Why had this happened?! Why couldn't she just accept herself and get it over with?

"I...! I'm so sorry!"

"...told you...I was selfish..." Aoi's knees buckled, and he had to reach and grasp Akane's forearms to hold himself up. He felt for the versions of himself that had died in the Second Nonary Games that weren't. This fucking sucked.

"Take the...knife out...before you magic that shit. Can't heal around it." He didn't think he could reach it himself, and if Akane kept Curing it, the wound was just going to rip back open when they pulled it out.

He turned his head to eye the Shadow Akane Duster was holding. "You done?"

He grabbed the Shadow's arm that held the knife and twisted it behind her back, and his other hand wrapped around her torso. He was too late, either way. A wave of horror seeped through his body as blood trickled onto the floor. He didn't cry out, he didn't recoil in fear, but his eyes remained dead set on the knife.

Only a few seconds passed, but to Duster, it was several minutes wasted standing around doing nothing. He readjusted his grip on the Shadow just as suddenly as he brought his mind back from wandering. There had to be no more attacks like this.

"Calm down," he whispered, though more harshly than he wished. "Don't do this!"

The shadow didn't put up a fight. Her limbs were lax, her head hung low enough that her hair spilled over the shoulders that shook with her quiet sobs. Akane grappled for her brother's arms, slowly sinking down to their knees together. She, too, was silent.

She reached around him, grimacing as she grasped the knife handle. It was slick with warm blood, but she tightened her grip. "Brace yourself," she warned, and whispered a count of three before jerking it out. Swiftly she murmured another incantation for the Cure spell as she let the knife drop harmlessly to the ground.

For a long moment she held Aoi, her chin on his shoulder, staring at some distant point beyond the scope of the lab room. "How...can you be so calm?" she asked him, her voice thick in her throat. "I can't even stand to look at myself. But you...I've never doubted that you loved me. How? Why?" It wasn't just because they were family. She'd seen plenty of siblings that detested each other, for reasons both petty and significant. Akane had always been a burden to her brother, depending on him for all her life. And she also knew it wasn't just for the sake of the world's future. His affection was warm, and genuine. She could feel that. But she couldn't understand it sometimes.

Aoi let out a string of obscenities through gritted teeth as Akane removed the knife.

"You can't just...ask someone...why they love you." Didn't Akane know anything? He clenched his fists into her scarf and panted while he tried to regain his breath. "It's not like...I never get mad at you...or wish things weren't so shitty...." He had resentment, but he buried it deep, and it couldn't hope to overpower his love for his little sister.

"We're both broken, in the same ways, and you still always loved me, too. I guess that's why. When we lost everything else, we still had each other. If I'd lost you, I would've lost everything."

Aoi sighed. He didn't know why she couldn't see how important she was. He was a piece of shit, and she was basically the only thing redeeming him. If anything, her shadow should've been aiming the knife at him, not at herself.

Duster cautiously loosened his grip, ready to pull her back if she made any sudden movements towards Aoi. She didn't. He let go.

"You're siblings," he said as if that were the most obvious thing. He had no brother, no other kid he grew up with, but knowing what he heard from Lucas, he understood that there was a bond between siblings that remained during dark times. "You look out for each other, I can tell. Aoi, you said..." He paused, rubbing his thumb and forefinger as he thought. "You did whatever it took to keep Akane safe, right? Because she's your sister.

"Akane." He turned to her. "You're a good person. You've stuck by your brother for so long, and it's obvious you still care about him.

"...And both of you think you don't deserve the other."

Akane's eyes brimmed with fresh, hot tears. This time, however, the pain that stirred them was warm and bittersweet. They truly did need each other. And they probably always would, even if they both married the loves of their lives and dwelled on separate worlds. She uttered another Cure spell as she nestled her head into Aoi's shoulder, holding onto him as gently as she dared.

"I'm not...not a good person. But I know I'm the only one who can do what needs to be done...to save the lives of six billion people, I have to accept my role. That girl is me, and there are a lot of scars from the past that might never go away. Cure." More magic washed over Aoi as she waited for her mana to swell again for another shot.

"But we're not broken." Akane drew back with a little smile, and brushed the back of her fingers affectionately over her brother's face. "A little beat up, maybe. And we've definitely endured a lot together. It doesn't mean we're ruined. We still have people that care about us...and people we care about too. We just...have to give them a chance, and let them in, don't we?"

At this, she looked at Duster, and her expression warmed. "I'm sorry. The things she said...what I felt...they're not fair to you. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings."

Aoi was too exhausted to debate morality with the two of them. Who could keep track of what was 'right' and 'wrong', when there was so much shit happening that blended the two together?

"You're the kind of person who's gonna save the world. That's good enough, right?" He snorted at Akane's babying. No matter what she said about sacrificing everything for the world, he was pretty sure she was going to make a beautiful housewife for Junpei or some other pretty-boy brunet with a dumb sense of humor. He checked the wound with a tentative hand, and it seemed like it was stabilized now.

He sat up. "There, see, good as new." Or at least, not actively bleeding out. Same difference. He looked over at Duster, to let him know he was ok. He was gonna owe the musician a thank you after all this was over.

"Ok, so, let's get this done." He turned back to Akane. "What's still holdin' you back from your Shadow?"

Duster's gaze lingered on the ripped fabric of Aoi's shirt for a few seconds. He was fine. They'd be fine. Akane would be fine.

"Oh, don't apologize," he quickly responded. After all, she was right. He didn't pay much attention to her during her birthday visit, and he certainly did not know her as well as his boyfriend. "We should do more things together, anyway. As friends, doing normal things.

And some sense of normalcy would do Akane well.

Akane peeked past Santa's shoulder at her shadow, which stared back at her with those same baleful purple eyes. It was waiting.

"I guess...I have a dark side too. Don't I. I'm not proud of it." There was some small part of her that even considered attacking her shadow and cutting it down, to see if that would make that wretched part of herself go away for good. But life wasn't that easy. There were no shortcuts.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she let go of her brother and rose to her feet, taking slow, even steps to stand face to face with her other self. "You're hurting, I know. That is...I'm hurting. The things we have to do aren't something I would wish on anyone. But for the sake of the world, and those we love...there's no going back. No giving up. No rest, until that future is safe."

Her shadow's eyes narrowed fractionally. Akane reached out to touch its hands, and grasped them firmly.

"But I promise I won't lose sight of the good things we do still have. Our friends might not be many, but they're loyal, and true. And we have a brother who loves us enough to die for us...even if we don't want him to," she chuckled softly. "I can't forget these things. And Junpei..."

Her shoulders rose and fell. "Maybe, after our work is finished, we can apologize to him properly, and thank him. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" The shadow inclined its head. "I think...I would too," Akane smiled, and closed her eyes. The shadow's body glowed brightly, the flare of white light dispelling every last shape of darkness in the room, before vanishing abruptly.

Left alone, Akane's last reserves of strength finally diminished, and she dropped to her knees, panting wearily. Even the knife was gone. It was just Akane, Duster, and Aoi.

And Keys Kupo, who removed Akane's crystal from the machine, and delivered it securely into the young Hero's cupped palm.

Aoi stumbled over to Akane and patted her shoulder. "There ya go. Nobody can say we Crash Keys don't get shit done. C'mon, give me a high five." He held up a weary hand for her to smack. Hopefully she wouldn't keep him hanging.

"You too, man," he continued, turning his head over his shoulder to face Duster. "Bad-ass. Not at the beginning. You kinda sucked, not gonna lie, but you brought it around in the end." So thumbs up there.

Ok, all the appropriate celebratory gestures completed, he slumped over, exhausted.

...That was better than he feared. Duster returned the gesture with a slow thumbs up before realizing that a high five would be better. For a second, he debated taking Aoi up on his offer or continuing wondering whether they would remain on nonspeaking terms.

Oh well. Duster pulled his hand back and gave him a high-five. Not too strong, but enough that it felt and sounded like one.

And then Aoi also fell. Two Kurashiki siblings on the floor with only one Duster and a few Moogles to help.

"...I can help you guys to a bench and get help."

"That's okay. I don't need a bench," Akane smiled wearily, slumping back to back with her brother. (And of course he got his coveted high five, even if it was a feeble slap that only landed halfway on his hand.) "The lab is safe enough. I just need to catch my breath."

Or borrow someone's office to clamber under a desk and get some sleep. It wouldn't be the first time she'd bunked down at the lab after working a really late night.

She closed her eyes, exhaling in contentment to feel the warmth of Aoi's presence reassuring and real against her. "Thank you. Both of you...really...thank you."

"Yeah, we're good. Don't even worry about it." Aoi hadn't slept in the labs at Aqures Ixen yet, but he'd bunked in his puzzle workshop back home. As long as Akane was safe and stab-free, life was fine.

"An' you know you don't gotta say thanks..." No matter what they'd learned and accepted about themselves, Aoi was never going to ask for thanks for taking care of his baby sister.

"You sure?" He knew the answer. They didn't need his help, but they deserved better than sleeping on the floors. "I'm...I'm not planning to sleep for another couple of hours, just let me know if you need anything. Really."

Akane's answer was little more than a quiet buzz in the back of her throat as she breathed in and out, her eyes closed, head lolled to the right. It was probably the daintiest of lady snores, but make no mistake, it was absolutely a snore. It might have even been considered cute if she hadn't been repressing a hysterically screaming knife-wielding maniac inside of her just five minutes ago. Her brother was safe, and still beside her. For now, that was enough. It was enough.

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Withered Flowers Forget What They Wept For Day After Day

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wait, deleted the wrong thing, sorry.

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