melodiesoflife | Nevermore Will I Be Alone in the Darkness

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Nevermore Will I Be Alone in the Darkness

WHO: Rukia Kuchiki, Jade Curtiss, Yuri Lowell (open to others who are close to her)
WHAT: Finally it's Rukia's turn to face her Calamity self. It will finally be revealed just how attached she's become to this world, and the people who walk upon it, to the point where she's considered never going back. Will she choose duty, or friendship?
WHEN: November 25th
WHERE: Palitutu's Laboratory - Aqures Ixen

Rukia wasn't nervous. If anything, she was mildly curious, perhaps slightly concerned, but she certainly harbored no fears about what it was she would face. This was because she had no idea what she could possibly be repressing. She was aware of her flaws, her guilt, and had long since accepted that this was part of who she was, if not something she needed to work on to improve.

If there was anything, she had a feeling it would be deeply personal. As such, she'd only invited the people she'd grown very close to over the course of time she'd lived in Crystallis. Whatever they saw, whatever they learned, she trusted them not to treat her any differently when it was over. They had stood beside her when she was at her worst, and her best. She'd done the same for them, and would continue to do so.

She offered her crystal as requested, the color a deep dark blue by now signifying her ties to Crystallis. The machine was activated, and just as she'd seen so many times before, her duplicate appeared in front of her. Her hair was cut short, just like Rukia's, and instead of indigo eyes they were a vivid and unearthly purple.

The Shadow smiled, not unkindly, but there was a strange edge to it. Then those bright eyes widened as the smile grew wider, and immediately the Shadow turned to look at the others who had come with her. "Who did you bring? I want to see them!"

"Wha--? Oi, hold on!" Rukia protested. Too late! Her duplicate had already bolted toward Rukia's audience with an excited grin, manhandling each person in turn as she examined them thoroughly, grabbing chins to look at their face, plucking at their sleeves to lift their arms, patting their chests to seek out their heartbeats and looking delighted when she found them.

"Uwaaaaahhhhh! They're all so alive!"

Rukia grunted as her expression fell flat. Her repressed side...was an idiot. "I'm not certain this is the reason why I came."

[OOC: Once I know who all is present, I'll have the Shadow say something to each character. Be prepared.]

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Of course Cloud was here for this. Cloud appreciated the support that he'd been getting from Rukia and there was no question he'd do the same in kind. Even if he hadn't been standing guard for Shadow encounters already he would have been here for this.

This wasn't the first energetic Shadow that Cloud had encountered, and for a moment he felt like it was Rialynn all over again. But the step he tried to take back wasn't enough as suddenly there were hands groping all over him and poking and prodding at his improbably spiky hair. He blinked in surprise at her comments as well before recalling the Job she had been using when they were visiting Gaia. Things seemed a bit odd about her at the time.

"Hey Rukia...what is she talking about?" He had a guess but he didn't want to press her on it any more than the Shadow already was.

Rukia watched her other self for a moment, eyes half-lidded in mild irritation. Honestly... Of course it was to be expected, if this was a side of herself that she repressed. It made sense enough -- she'd tried so hard to build up her dignity, pride, and formality after being adopted into the Kuchiki family so as not to bring shame to her new name and title. But even as a child she hadn't been this familiar with people, even her friends.

Glancing at Cloud, holding his gaze for a moment, her eyes then traveled back to her shadow which was taking great delight in pushing her fingers through Yuri's hair with a big smile on her face before zipping back to Jade to examine his scarred hand with keen interest. "I suspect it has something to do with being a soul reaper. I am not considered one of the living in my world." 'Dead' didn't seem to be an appropriate term for it, as she had no memory of ever dying. Either it had happened when she was an infant, or she was born in the Soul Society to people who weren't able to care for their daughters. It mattered little.

As soon as she spoke, her Shadow glanced back at her over her shoulder, then sulked. "That's because our world is stupid. I'm not going back."

"It's not up for debate," Rukia replied. "Please say what it is you wish to say so we can move forward."

The shadow continued to peer at her for a long, long moment. Then she pulled down one eyelid and stuck out her tongue. "I don't want to!" she declared childishly before looping one arm around Selphie's shoulders, then Cloud's. "If I don't tell you what you're repressing, you can't accept me. I can stay out here forever with you guys!" she beamed triumphantly. "Isn't that better? You can go back to your world and the people who like you there. I can stay here with my new family!"

Irritation...rising... The others didn't have this kind of stupidity to deal with when facing their shadows, did they?

"You will cooperate or I'll end the process," Rukia stated coldly. "Then you'll have to go back, and I'll do this on my own if you're so easily distracted."

The shadow sulked, letting go of Cloud and Selphie...only to dart behind Yuri and cling to his waist. "You won't let her do that, would you? You're my best friend! You always looked out for me, and protected me. You were there when I cried! You don't want me to go anywhere, do you?"

This sort of scenario never gets old for Yuri. One after another, people have rather silly sides to themselves that he's never known before and he suspected that Rukia was the same. The only issue was the extent that she went to keep something like this repressed must mean she went through a lot of trouble to keep it under control. Now it seemed like it exploded everywhere in this version of herself. Honestly, he couldn't deny that he could see Rukia behaving like this if she wasn't always so grounded.

He knew that she would never be like this and she had her reasons-- good reasons for it. He didn't dig nor did he speak of it since the conversations they shared were rather cryptic and secretive.

The other side of Rukia was drastically different from her. He could pick the out easily. However, having Rukia demand things of her other self wasn't going to help her situation, because Yuri knew how stubborn she was. If the Calamity Self was part of her then it would still be just as stubborn.

Which also answered his question because now the Calamity version of Rukia is now attached to his waist and he's giving the shorter individual a raised brow and a moment of silence. He sighed a bit before putting his hands on the other Rukia and slowly pulling her from his form, if her grip ever loosened, anyway. At least, he was trying to be gentle. If she was too attached, he had no choice but let it do as it pleased until this was all resolved. Not that he liked listening to it talk or anything. Neither of them were right or rational.

"We're not going to get anywhere if you continue to argue against it, Shorty. You know the deal here."

He was picking his words very carefully and also seriously.

"If you're part of Shorty, then going to have to be a bit more gentle about this or the both of you will be stuck here for a long time."

There's a long pause for him before he turned back to the real Rukia

"Even if it was sent away, Shorty, you know that you will face the same ordeal with or without us."

Edited 2016-11-27 22:47 (UTC)

So that's what it was. Jade watched the Shadow's behavior closely, not without sympathy. For someone like Rukia, whose existence was so deeply shaped by duty, entertaining selfish desires would naturally be a source of shame -- even when those desires weren't anything unusual on their own. Her sense of responsibility was certainly admirable, but...

His gaze moved from the Shadow back to Rukia, frowning a little at her choice of words. That kind of forcefulness could be dangerous if the Shadow took it as a rejection.

"Yuri is right, Rukia. Whether we're here or not, you must listen to what it has to say. Rather, what she has to say."

It was easy to view Shadows as creatures, something inhuman. Jade had been guilty of doing the same while facing his own. The fact was, however, that the being clinging to Yuri right now was an inextricable part of Rukia herself. It should be accepted by all of them, not just her.

Selphie smiled sadly as Rukia's Shadow let go of her. Watching the interaction between Rukia and it while the Shadow clung to Yuri was a different experience for the perky brunette. She knew that duty was important to Rukia as much as her friends were and it was a lonely thought that had her looking at everyone individually before nodding in Rukia's direction.

"I'm with Jade and Yuri, Rukia," Selphie chimed in before turning toward the shadow. "I know it's gonna be hard to accept some things but we're here to hear you out.

"Besides," Selphie continued. "Don't you wanna see your friends back at your world? From what I've learned about them, they mean a great deal to you."

"I would gladly listen if she'd stop clinging to all of you and paid attention to the matter," Rukia said frostily, lifting her chin a little higher. If she had to drag her other self back to the middle of the room by the collar, she would. There was no need to continue this embarrassing performance any further.

But for now, she refrained, folding her arms and frowning at the empty spot in front of her as she exercised her patience.

Calamity Rukia's eyes widened as Yuri gently pried her loose. Desperation and heartbreak gave rise to alarm, but she didn't fight him. Instead she looked up at him as if he'd betrayed and shattered a deep and sacred bond. "You don't want me...? Why?! I'm better than she is! I don't mince around pretending to be noble and wise, I could be everything you need! You could lay your head on my shoulder and confess all your worries and sorrows, I wouldn't mind! We'd have way more fun!"

Whirling around, the shadow's teary-eyed gaze fixed on Jade's face, and there it lingered for a long moment.

Then it pounced at him.

"What about you? You wouldn't reject me! And you wouldn't leave me to sleep in crystal all the time!" She grabbed at his arms and clothes, fighting to nuzzle him aggressively. "She said you need me. That we'd be good for each other! We can go on so many dates!"

Rukia resisted the urge to massage her temples, deciding to ignore her Shadow for now as she glanced at Selphie, and nodded once.

"Of course I do. And in the end, I know I must return to them. The friendships I make here will end." She closed her eyes, the lock of hair between her eyes swinging forward as her head tipped down. "My duties have to come first. That's the way it is. I don't deny that I have these feelings. But you must know why I can't allow myself to indulge them."

The shadow stopped grappling at Jade's wrists to shoot a hurt look at Rukia over her shoulder, then clung a little tighter to the tall man. "I don't want to go home. I want to stay here. I want all of you to stay here with me." She hunched her shoulders, her voice rising in pitch. "I get to be alive here! I never got that back home, and it wasn't fair! Now that I have a chance to experience all of these wonderful things, you're just going to throw it all away, for duty! For honor! I want to keep my job, and learn more recipes, and take care of my chocbos. I want to fall in love! I want to keep living!!"

Rukia's words stung. Selphie can understand that train of thought, she has friends who think like this. Duty is everything and they're unwilling to adapt. It's the opposite of water being thrown on a stone to Selphie. If one doesn't learn to adapt to the changes then how can they move forward. Her arms folded across her chest as she wrestled with her hurt feelings.

"How can you say that? We don't know what's gonna happen between here and whenever we all go marching off to deal with Garland and the calamity itself. For all you know those rifts might stay open and then we could see each other whenever we wanted. I don't want our friendship to end just because we saved this world."

Selphie felt like crying but she holds it in. Instead, Selphie pointed to Yuri, Jade and Cloud in turn. She can't bring herself to smile at the severity of the words she just heard but she can express herself just fine.

"That's not whst being friends is about, Rukia. Even of we're worlds apart, the bond that we've built here is too important to throw away for the sake of duty and honor. Whether you want to admit it or not, we'll always be connected one way or another."

“You know well enough that this isn't what it's about. You aren't better than her and she isn't any better than you. You two are the same person. What is there to choose?”

He replied letting out a sigh as she accused him of favoritism. It's not like he wants it to go away but at the same time that Rukia is part of the Rukia that he knows. He won't really push her away harshly but the whole situation is making rather uncomfortable as he watched the Shadow Rukia continue to talk to him in such a strange tone. Something he's fairly not used to and well-- it was hard to not think that Rukia felt that way and probably not to this level of extremes but close enough.

“Miracles can happen you know? The more someone says they can't the more I want to prove them wrong. Just because you got a duty doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and do what you like. We’ve talked about this before, Shorty."

He didn’t like that she clung to the idea that they’d never see each other again. He’d go through hell and back if he could to make sure he kept his friends whether they were in different worlds or not. Yuri would always make things happen. He’d make sure that he made no false promises.

“So going back doesn’t mean the end. You’re being foolish to think that way.”

Jade went very still as the Shadow latched onto him. The roaming hands brought a faint flush of pink across his face. "Wh--" He caught himself quickly and regained his composure, albeit with some difficulty. Having Rukia's other self press insistently against him proved distracting. This was... what she was repressing?

If he'd had any doubts that her feelings for him weren't entirely platonic, this was making it very hard to deny.

What she said next drove all embarrassment out of his mind. Jade frowned, staring at Rukia while the others were speaking. He understood why she would put duty before herself. Although returning home meant leaving behind the bonds they'd formed in Crystallis, he felt the same way. Some things were more important than seeking one's own happiness.

However--

I want to keep living. Now why did that wail hit him so hard? The situation wasn't the same, yet Jade's thoughts rushed back to Luke. Dying for his duty just when he'd discovered the worth of his own life. It had taken Jade too long to understand why human beings wanted so badly to live just for the sake of living -- but he had, in the end.

That Rukia was denied such a fundamental human need... It felt cruel.

"There are too many unknowns to say for sure what will happen. Whether we'll be able to return home at all, whether we can stay in contact... We won't know until the very end. Regardless..."

He didn't push the Shadow away. Instead, he took it by the shoulders firmly, but not roughly, and steered it around to face Rukia. His hands remained where they were so that the Shadow hopefully wouldn't feel abandoned and lash out.

"Rukia. Prioritizing your duties is your decision... But don't you think you could afford to be a little kinder to yourself?"

It wasn't that Rukia didn't listen to what they were saying...it was just that she didn't quite share their optimism. She'd endured so many painful goodbyes, in this world and her own, and they hurt so much more when she allowed herself to get too attached to a place (or a person) instead of adhering strictly to her duties as a soul reaper.

Even if the rift remained open and they could travel freely between worlds, the fact remained that she was dead, and belonged in the realm of the Soul Society. Her superiors might have made exceptions for Ichigo and his friends due to the roles they played in Aizen's downfall. She did not think they would be so lenient with people from other worlds. Worse, it worried her to know that the temptation to leave that world behind for the sake of this one, and her friends, would be much too strong to resist. A soul reaper who threw away her duties, her family, her friends...it was shameful. It was deeply shameful.

And the evidence of that shame was standing right in front of Jade, her hands reached up to clasp his wrists in her fingers as she huddled against him with a worried frown.

"You all speak the truth. I don't know what the future will hold. I only know that I dread the day when we part. I have grown very fond of my life here." Her head lifted a little as she opened her eyes with a quiet smile. "And I know that fondness will hurt me when it ends, as it must. Your worlds need you, as mine needs me. It would be irresponsible to neglect what came before."

Her shadow sagged a little, her gaze drooping. Rukia looked at her, unsure what she was feeling. Pity, maybe. For herself? For this second life she'd discovered and loved?

For the first time since the process began, Rukia moved from the spot where she'd rooted her feet firmly to the floor, turning herself to face her friends, and her shadow. She moved forward, her steps slow and measured, and held her hand out to her shadow. Shadow Rukia shrank back, frowning in confusion, but Rukia was persistent and her hand stayed open. The shadow glanced back at the others, then hesitantly released her hold on Jade and reached back out to herself.

It wouldn't have been at all surprising if Rukia flipped her shadow around and booted her in the rear, but she didn't. Instead she drew that other side of herself forward...and bowed her head in apology.

"I am sorry."

Tears welled up in her shadow's eyes as she wilted, and wept. Rukia put her arms around her, embracing the miserable shadow gently. It hurt her to hear those plaintive sobs, as Rukia herself cried so rarely. She could repress it. This side of her could not.

"You are a part of me," she spoke warmly. "I may not be able to surrender myself so completely to these desires. But...perhaps...I will strive to live with more hope. And more gratitude."

The shadow gulped down a shuddering breath and nodded once, just as her body began to glow. It was a bright, pure light that flared brightly for several moments, and when it faded, Rukia's arms were empty. She was silent for a long moment, her head tipped back toward the ceiling.

Then the strength in her legs gave out and she dropped heavily to her knees in exhaustion.

Cloud was quiet as things unfolded. He was unsure anything he had to say would actually help in this situation. He'd been making such a big deal for himself about being happy in this world, and he was only recently thinking over the why. Though he purposefully neglected to put his finger on it, he'd assumed that others had a similar motive to his own: to find a happier life in this world free of the conflict at home.

And now he felt somehow selfish for not considering other possibilities. He knew that a couple Heroes were experiencing new lives here, but he had no idea that Rukia was having that experience literally. And if it wasn't for the Shadow shouting all that she was then he would have been as upset about Rukia so being so calm about throwing their friendship away when the time came. It still stung though.

When all was said and done, and Rukia accepted what she was suppressing, even with the talk of hope by the others, it felt to Cloud that there was still something left unsaid. There was talk about friendship and connections, but that want to live a life all of her own, to LIVE, he could understand that.

"Rukia...I'm sorry. I didn't know you were carrying all of this. But you know what? There's no shame in wanting to be alive. Even if you've accepted it you can still make it something to set your future for. And hell, if the people in your world want to punish you for all of this then I guess we'll just have to come and beat some sense into them. You belong to us as much as you belong to them." And with a grin, he punched his fist into his palm for emphasis.

Rukia wasn't the only person that suffered in their life. Yuri knew how that felt saying goodbye to people and having to live with emotional scars. It wasn't like he couldn't understand where she was coming fro relate to her. It was just hard to express in words. Rather than wanting to tell her things would be okay, it was better for him to tell her the truth. That was what he did and even if she didn't agree with him, Yuri hoped that she would acknowledge that Yuri would do everything in his power to ensure that he could keep his promises. He would find a way no matter how long to still be her friend and hang out with her even if they all had to go back to their world.

Jade wasn't wrong. His words were really strong. The other Rukia was her nothing more and nothing less.

"Growing fond of the things here in this world isn't a crime you know? You're as human as anyone and no one's neglecting their responsibilities. We all need breaks, even you. I can't see anything wrong with taking a break and visiting your friends."

He shrugs briefly but it was out of concern even if it seemed dismissive. Beyond that he didn't say anything else until Rukia collected her Shadow with herself and then dropped. He immediately moves to help support her up when she was on her knees.

"Hey Shorty."

He calls softly, "Good Job."

He offers her a hand and smiles. There's nothing more that needs to be said. She took everything into consideration and overcame her struggles.

As much as Jade would have liked to agree with those sentiments -- that they would all see each other again -- he could not bring himself to make such promises. After everything else Crystallis had thrown at them, that possibility felt too good to be true.

He didn't voice that thought, though. Looking at Rukia's solemn face as she held her weeping Shadow, there was no doubt in his mind that she was well aware of the inevitable. Perhaps the others were aware of it as well, but chose to hold onto their hopes regardless. Although that kind of faith didn't quite resonate with Jade, he could at least respect it somewhat.

It didn't matter right now, in any case. The time for goodbyes would come one day, assuming they all survived the coming months. For the moment, they still had lives to live. Hopefully with this, Rukia would be able to allow herself to enjoy life without being haunted by the weight of her duty.

"Yes. Well done." Jade remained standing close by, looking down at her with a faint smile. "Now... Before we start worrying about the future, why don't we first ensure we will actually have one? I think certain duties can be put on hold until the total destruction of all life has been averted."

Not that he was brushing off Rukia's concerns. He just couldn't resist making at least one dry comment before this was all done.

Rukia's hands remained upon her knees as she knelt upon the ground, head bowed forward, eyes closed. The process had sapped her of her strength, both physically and emotionally. She hadn't expected that. It took her a few moments to hear Cloud's words and really digest them, but she did, and it brought a weary smile to her face. The way he spoke so boldly reminded her of Ichigo. So did the hairstyle. Hopefully it wouldn't come down to a second rescue from her own home.

She shook her head. "You needn't offer any apologies. If there is indeed a way to meet again, should we become parted, I won't ignore it." Rukia didn't think she could in all honesty. She loved each and every one of them, and the thought of separation truly was as painful as her shadow had revealed.

Seeing Yuri's boots stop in front of her, Rukia raised her head to look at his face, then his hand. She chuckled tiredly and dropped her palm into his. "You must be weary of telling me this so many times. I appreciate your patience." Her grip tightened and she grit her teeth as she forced herself to stand.

Of course, she wasn't feeling so tired that she couldn't shoot an annoyed look at Jade. She'd just about apologized to him too for her shadow's misbehavior! He would be the one to hustle them all back into their duties to save the world. He wasn't wrong, but she needed at least a day to recover. ...Surely he knew this. The smile indicated as much.

"Hmph. I haven't forgotten," she jabbed a finger at his ribs as they passed by. She paused a moment, looking back at him. The things her Calamity self had said to him...

...

...No, speaking of it now would be inappropriate. She would apologize later, especially since she needed some time to really process why she'd said those things in the first place.

"That's cold."

He almost laughed aloud at Jade's comment. The man was clearly very interesting in his own way. Yuri never really engaged with him much in the first place. It's rare that he really spent time around the the other, but he learned something today about this person and his dry humor.

Of course, his response didn't garner any offense from Yuri. It was a typical response he'd make that was sarcastic.

"What are friends for right? Let's not get too sentimental. Glad to have you back to your feet, Shorty."

He slowly pulled her up

There wasn't much Selphie could add that hadn't already been said by the others. Instead, after Yuri had pulled Rukia back up on her feet, she moved forward to embrace the Shinigami in a tight hug. The perky brunette was oddly silent during much of the interaction and knew what she had to do now in order to face herself.

Between Yuri and Jade, they had neatly said anything that Selphie could have added into the conversation. All she wanted to do at this time was hug her friend who looked like she needed one and whispered, "you did it." into her ear before letting go. She stuck close by Rukia in case she needed someone to lean on.

Selphie was the person closest to Rukia's height after all.

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Nevermore Will I Be Alone in the Darkness

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