melodiesoflife | Accepting the truth is a difficult thing to do

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Accepting the truth is a difficult thing to do

Who: Jade Curtiss and any CR who wants to help
What: Facing Jade's Shadow
When: Backdated to November 18
Where: The lab
Warnings: Blood, mentions of murder and unethical experiments

Jade handed his crystal to Rosepuff and stood back, bracing himself. He had an idea of what to expect -- and yet he wasn't quite sure where it would all go. Crystallis had made him face himself multiple times now. He was well aware of his faults. If there was still something he was repressing... It couldn't be pretty.

It didn't matter. Trying to prepare any more would just be delaying what had to be done.

"I'm ready. Let's get this over with."

"B-but..." Rosepuff was fluttering nervously. "You shouldn't do this alone, kupo! Why didn't you ask your friends to be here, kupo?"

"I'd rather not make them sit through this. Besides..." Jade paused, looking over his shoulder at the door to the room. "Knowing them, they've probably followed me and will burst in here any second now anyway."

The prospect of any of them seeing the worst of him wasn't an appealing one and so he'd tried to be discreet, but shaking off people who wanted to help him never seemed to work. For whatever reason, he seemed to attract the stubborn ones.

Rosepuff was still reluctant, but relented under Jade's pointed look and gingerly raised his crystal in her paws. This was it, then. Time to see what he still had to hide, even from himself. He waited, while a shape began to take form before him.

The Shadow was completely identical to him... almost. The hair was shorter, barely reaching the shoulders. And the uniform under the lab coat, though clearly that of the Malkuth army, was for someone lower ranking than a Colonel. But the most distracting part was the blood -- soaking the coat, dripping from the hands, even spattered on one side of the face.

Purple eyes stared back at him from behind the glasses.

"That's it?" Jade murmured. Even though he'd expected something like this, he couldn't help but feel revulsion at the sight of his double. No, not just a double. The self from the lowest point of his life. Other than the eyes, this was almost exactly how he'd been back then. "I didn't think it would be this... predictable."

This couldn't be all there was to it, could it?

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"OI!"

Jade's prediction came true as he was soundly greeted with a shoe flung firmly at the back of his head. Rukia didn't bother trying to hide her anger and frustration with any coy smirks or half-lidded stares. Her fists were clenched, and her stance gave every indication that she was completely pissed off.

And missing a shoe.

"What's the meaning of this foolishness? You'd still risk going alone, knowing the inherent dangers? Why would you not speak of this to me?"

Crossly she folded her arms, glowering at him. "At the very least you could have informed me that you'd wished to do this alone. I would have respected your wish. Instead you resort to slinking here in the middle of a night like a thief! Explain yourself!" she thrust her finger at him.

Albel followed Rukia quietly, though he wore a small smirk on his face. The small colonel was full of passion and righteous ire.

"Women," was all he said to Jade. He was sure Rukia would have more words for him after that, but that was what happened when you disappeared on your lover. He'd found out the hard way, too, with Sheena. As had she.

Still, knowing that, there was something amusing to see such a petite, yet high ranking, military official standing at full height with a personality twice her size.

Of course Albel would stay. If no one else, those Heroes within the Esdham military would stand with their own. Something Albel knew, as the very same type of man -- the people who wanted to handle everything on their own were the people who needed help the most. His eyes slid to the bloody mess of a man beside Jade, so similar in appearance he could be mistaken for a younger brother if Albel didn't know better. This was Jade's Shadow.

Still sporting several fresh bandages from her own bout with her Shadow Self, Sheena arrived just in time to see and hear Rukia's reaction to Jade sneaking off, and Albel's resulting reaction. Smacking her lover in the back of the head, she asked, "What about them?"

Obviously, she felt Rukia's reaction was warranted--even if she did disagree about respecting his wishes about going off alone. Which she did recognize--finally--as a double standard and would face the consequences of doing so right now. Crossing her arms, she glared at Jade.

"Look, I understand why you didn't want to tell anyone. Believe me, I do," fear and shame at friends finding out those hidden things you want to keep hidden, "but there is nothing that makes you stronger and able to face the shadows that haunt you than your friends than the faith and the belief they have in you." She paused. "Or the love they have for you."

People cared about Jade, and stepping up to stand next to the man, she wanted his Shadow--and Jade--to know it.

"Boooooo, you jerk. You should have said something!"

Anise fell in line after Sheena and Albel. She looked pretty tired and out of it, probably because she'd been almost asleep when she'd heard somebody leaving the house. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Jade, and it didn't take a genius to figure out where he was going.

Part of her was scared, but if they could beat Nebilim, there was no way they wouldn't be able to beat this.

The shoe hit its mark and dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Jade hardly blinked, sighing and rubbing the now sore spot on the back of his head. He really should have seen that coming...

One, two, three, four people... That was already more than he'd wanted. While their annoyance was probably warranted, Jade wasn't in the mood to explain himself.

"Please spare me the lectures. I had my reasons."

"Oh, indeed." The Shadow smiled coldly. "Why should I have to answer to anyone? After all, I am a genius. Therefore everything I do must be right."

"Oh, for the love of..." It figured his Shadow would say something like that. It was practically arrogance incarnate. Jade scoffed and glared at the creature that shared his face. "Let's cut to the chase. What do you want?"

"What's the rush? Is there something you don't want your... friends... to hear?" The disdain around the word 'friends' was palpable. The Shadow looked to each of them in turn, lips widening in an unsettling grin. "Faith? Belief? Love? Good grief, you are all so gullible. Have you truly not realized you've been deceived this whole time?"

It waved vaguely in Jade's direction. At some point, a bloody scalpel had appeared in its hand. "That cool, collected image of a responsible man who does his job and owns up to his mistakes? Nothing more than a mask. No..." The Shadow paused, tilting its head as though a thought had occurred to it. "Perhaps 'mask' is not the right word. 'Bandaid' would be more appropriate. You can keep applying it but it'll unstick sooner or later..."

"Yes, yes, very clever." Jade crossed his arms, more than a little irritated. "Would you just get to the point?"

"Hm... You keep interrupting me. How curious." The Shadow stepped closer. It was tapping the scalpel against its other hand absentmindedly, seemingly not noticing it was leaving cuts in its palm. "If I didn't know better... I'd almost think you're frightened."

Jade stiffened, staring at his double warily. "Frightened...?"

"Yes." The Shadow glanced at the others again before returning its chilling stare on Jade. "You don't want them to see the real you, do you?"

Rukia shot a hard glare at Albel. But she was easily appeased once Sheena responded for her. Good. Now she could focus her irritation where it truly belonged, back on Jade. "Foolish reasons," she grumbled, folding her arms. He would not be spared, but she would at least withhold further scolding now that his shadow had arrived. It was a ghastly thing, and it was easy to see why he would have repressed this part of himself.

When they'd first opened up to each other in Esdham, she recalled that he'd admitted to being an arrogant child with no boundaries. Given the way his shadow was speaking, it hinted at the pride he must have been forced to bury. She cupped her hand to her chin thoughtfully. The real Jade?

She disagreed with the shadow, naturally. But at this point she was supposed to be little more than a neutral observer, prepared to fight if Jade was unable to accept what was unveiled to him this day. She honestly wasn't sure if he would or not. He did admit to his mistakes when he made them, and though he was haunted by his past, he didn't hide from it. But if he truly was frightened just because he thought he might be rejected, she should at least set him straight about that.

"I haven't seen fit to abandon you yet," she pointed out to him, lifting her chin and standing proudly with her hands at her sides. "Don't assume I would do so simply because of your past. You've earned my trust, and not for trivial reasons." She stabbed a finger at him crossly, pointing from across the room. "If you think for one moment that I'd walk away from you, you will not be forgiven."

Having said her piece, she folded her arms and stood imperiously, waiting for the shadow to continue. Rukia was too stubborn to reject Jade just because he was human. Of course he made mistakes. Of course he felt emotions that he considered unacceptable. All of them did.

Albel flinched at his own petite partner's smack. "They are wonderful creatures of love and softness."

And nagging. But he'd get more of that later.

He looked up as Jade's Shadow appeared, bloody and arrogant. He wanted to be defiant like Rukia; wanted to be angry on Jade's behalf. But the more the Shadow spoke, the more... well, curious Albel was. His head canted, he listened attentively and watched Jade's body language with great interest.

Sheena crossed her arms and gave Albel a look. "Good answer," she said.

He was going to get a lot more than nagging if he kept up that train of thought. But... That wasn't important now.

Sheena's eyes narrowed at Jade. "Yeah. Probably the same reasons most of us did. Embarrassment and fear." Nope. Not sparing you a lecture, Jade. She was just going to cut hers short.

Maybe.

She nodded towards Rukia. "She's not the only one who hasn't abandoned you, Jade. We might be the only ones who are here right now, but I know there are others who feel the way we do." Her gaze fell on the Shadow. "His past doesn't matter. Jade is Jade. That's the only thing that does."

All things considered, Anise didn't feel that surprised. It almost felt like it was a side of Jade she'd seen before. His shadow was cocky and arrogant, but that was kind of the way he was every day, too. If Dist was any indication, this was probably closer to the way Jade was as a kid. Also, emotions. Jade didn't usually talk about them in any capacity. That part was weird.

Anise nodded towards Rukia and Sheena, before looking at Jade, "Yeah, we're all your friends here. You get onto us all the time about not being careful. It's not fair that you get to do this all by yourself!"

Before continuing, Anise took a very pointed look at shadow Jade, and then crossed her arms, "Besides, your shadow looks pretty weak. And dumb. He keeps saying all this stuff, but it doesn't even matter."

"You all..." Jade sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate their sentiment, but...

"Useless brat! Don't you know who I am?" Where Jade nearly always kept his temper under control, the Shadow had no such self-restraint. For a moment it looked downright deranged, advancing on Anise with the scalpel extended. "We'll see about 'dumb' when I have your stupid little brain on the cutting table--"

Jade immediately rushed to stand between Anise and the Shadow, pushing her behind him. A few seconds of silence that somehow felt like an eternity followed -- until at last the Shadow halted and broke into a low chuckle.

"...Well, that's fine. It doesn't really matter whether they believe in you or not, does it? It doesn't change the self you have so carefully kept locked away." It grinned. "The nasty little boy who liked to cut up animals just to see how they worked. The selfish student whose arrogance took the life of his mentor. Poor Professor Nebilim..."

Jade's jaw clenched but he said nothing. He could see where this was heading and there was no preventing it. The Shadow started pacing back and forth, purple eyes fixated on him, like a predator circling its soon-to-be victim.

"The genius scientist who tried to bring back the dead... no matter what the cost. How many replicas did we make over the years? How many did we throw away...?" The Shadow's grin widened when it saw Jade tense. "It was for the best, really. They would have led a short, painful existence anyway. Remember the ones that came apart before we could mercy-kill them? It was always so... messy."

"You are telling me nothing I didn't already know." Jade's voice had grown very quiet. The memories of those days were all to clear. The reason why he had eventually abandoned scientific research in favor of the military...

Rukia had started forward in Anise's direction as well, but as Jade was closer, she stopped herself, watching the shadow of himself far more warily. She knew that Jade had a dangerous side to himself that could be absolutely ruthless if the situation called for it. There was good reason to keep it repressed.

She continued forward, reaching for Anise's shoulder in an attempt to quietly usher the both of them to safey on the sidelines. If this thing kept trying to attack his friends, Jade would have far more difficulty accepting the Calamity Self as another part of him.

Glancing back, she wondered. Was it his guilt that Jade repressed? Or was it the fact that he didn't harbor any guilt which secretly bothered him? She released a quiet sigh. If it was the latter, she'd speak to him about the matter after this was over. For now, she felt it best not to interrupt...not unless she had to intervene out of sheer necessity.

Albel likewise had taken a step toward Anise. He didn't know the girl, but she was a target of the Shadow, so of course he'd move to protect her. Whoever she was, she was probably important to Jade -- he was important enough to her for her to be here.

Once she was safely with Rukia, Albel's gaze slid between Jade and his Shadow self. "Did it just insinuate... that you tried to create people?"

The others weren't the only ones looking out for Anise. Sheena was, too. Like the others, she had moved protectively towards her, hand off her weapon, but her stance ready.

A stance she maintained even after Anise was safely with Rukia. The anger from the Shadow put the tension in the room that much closer to snapping, and she wanted to be ready.

Still, she had a question for her friend. "Why, Jade? Why were you trying to bring back the dead?" she asked, confused.

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Accepting the truth is a difficult thing to do

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