Vincent Valentine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bloodypast) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
melodiesoflife2016-11-27 01:00 am
bloodypast) wrote in melodiesoflife2016-11-27 01:00 am
Entry tags:
"I'll face myself" Log---What're you hiding in the shadows?
Characters: Vincent Valentine, Lucrecia Crescent (anyone else who plausibly wants to show up?)
Where: The laboratory where they face their Shadows
When: November 27th-ish
Summary: Crystallis hasn't been the nightmare (all the time) that it has been for others, for Vincent. That doesn't mean he lacks things he's repressing. It just means he's taking steps to heal—and part of that means facing himself.
Warnings: Mentions of self-hatred, anger, fatalism?
Organizing reports in the observatory gave Vincent plenty of information about the 'shadows' and facing them as requested by the Sage. Wary to trust it right away, but so far it seemed to be beneficial over all. Not that Vincent would claim to be eager, considering his recent job-shifts and his own past. But he'd learned what he could second-hand, and witnessed at least one encounter himself.
Crystallis had also offered chances for Vincent to make amends, to start healing. Weighing the potential encounter with his shadow sooner rather than later... Part of him felt a fatalistic desire to simply 'get it over with' too—well aware of how stained his soul could be. There was really only one person whom he did-and-did-not want present—and Ophelia took the choice out of his hands by inviting her.
A glare at his moogle, Ophelia's pom drooping slightly but she stood her ground. Once Lucrecia arrived, the companion started the procedure. Wincing with Vincent, as half of his job-skills were ripped from him as he turned to face...himself.
Save for purple eyes, at first the two were identical. Tattered red cloak over black clothing and coat, a tarnished golden gauntlet with wicked claws covering his left arm from the elbow down. Hair as dark as night tamed barely by a red headband falling over crimson eyes, and over purple eyes for his Shadow.
Shadow!Vincent said nothing, only regarded his counterpart for a moment before nodding. Then turning to assess any who were with him, purple-eyes falling on Lucrecia last. Best to get started then. Even their voices are the same, although the shadow's form wavers. For a second, two seconds, focusing once more on Lucrecia before facing the real counterpart the shadow's form flickers. Taking on an old, familiar appearance, save for the purple eyes.
Interesting, that you choose to ensure she sees all of this. Are you certain we should tell her everything? What about the things she isn't telling you?The form flickered once more to his past. A deliberate flick of his left hand to brush away imaginary dust from the suit jacket. ”The both of you, always keeping each other in the dark... But she'll only be a witness this time. She only has to watch this time, right?
The words make Vincent close crimson eyes briefly, before watching his shadow once more.
Where: The laboratory where they face their Shadows
When: November 27th-ish
Summary: Crystallis hasn't been the nightmare (all the time) that it has been for others, for Vincent. That doesn't mean he lacks things he's repressing. It just means he's taking steps to heal—and part of that means facing himself.
Warnings: Mentions of self-hatred, anger, fatalism?
Organizing reports in the observatory gave Vincent plenty of information about the 'shadows' and facing them as requested by the Sage. Wary to trust it right away, but so far it seemed to be beneficial over all. Not that Vincent would claim to be eager, considering his recent job-shifts and his own past. But he'd learned what he could second-hand, and witnessed at least one encounter himself.
Crystallis had also offered chances for Vincent to make amends, to start healing. Weighing the potential encounter with his shadow sooner rather than later... Part of him felt a fatalistic desire to simply 'get it over with' too—well aware of how stained his soul could be. There was really only one person whom he did-and-did-not want present—and Ophelia took the choice out of his hands by inviting her.
A glare at his moogle, Ophelia's pom drooping slightly but she stood her ground. Once Lucrecia arrived, the companion started the procedure. Wincing with Vincent, as half of his job-skills were ripped from him as he turned to face...himself.
Save for purple eyes, at first the two were identical. Tattered red cloak over black clothing and coat, a tarnished golden gauntlet with wicked claws covering his left arm from the elbow down. Hair as dark as night tamed barely by a red headband falling over crimson eyes, and over purple eyes for his Shadow.
Shadow!Vincent said nothing, only regarded his counterpart for a moment before nodding. Then turning to assess any who were with him, purple-eyes falling on Lucrecia last. Best to get started then. Even their voices are the same, although the shadow's form wavers. For a second, two seconds, focusing once more on Lucrecia before facing the real counterpart the shadow's form flickers. Taking on an old, familiar appearance, save for the purple eyes.
Interesting, that you choose to ensure she sees all of this. Are you certain we should tell her everything? What about the things she isn't telling you?The form flickered once more to his past. A deliberate flick of his left hand to brush away imaginary dust from the suit jacket. ”The both of you, always keeping each other in the dark... But she'll only be a witness this time. She only has to watch this time, right?
The words make Vincent close crimson eyes briefly, before watching his shadow once more.
no subject
Whatever Vincent buried... Albel would be there. He'd support his friend. But he never was the type to simply stand there and do nothing. Of course he had his own strong feelings about what Lucrecia may or may not be hiding from Vincent. He knew they had history. But that was Vincent's business. Though he had a feeling he would learn a great deal more about it as this conversation progressed.
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Lucrecia was only relieved when another also followed, and though the shadow's words made her wince ever so slightly, she remained silent for a moment before shaking her head. "No. I am here to support you, as you've always supported others." Her especially, though she hardly needed to say that... nor deserved to.
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He glanced back and forth between Lucrecia and Vincent, biting his lip. He barely knew him and he knew her even less. He'd picked up bits and pieces over time but she was largely unknown to him. "Vincent I...I know you don't like talking about yourself or your past, but now is probably the time. I promise I won't judge you."
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As was pointed out though, this was hardly the time or place to focus on others. Not when he was attempting to face himself. Currently facing things tied to his past self apparently.
“Support me? You?” Shadow!Vincent snorted, posture still upright and tall. “Has Hell frozen over? Since when have I needed anyone's support.” Purple-eyes slid to face Cloud's blue. “Or anyone to judge me. I've always been more than capable of judging myself. I do so far more harshly than anyone else ever could.”
Vincent sighed, and hung his head slightly. “Only some of this concerns my past, Cloud.” Not quite hiding in the high neck of the mantle and cloak he wore. “I was the son of a scientist, Grimoire Valentine, researching manifestations of the lifestream other than Mako or Materia. I myself worked in the Department of Administrative Research, and it suited me well. We rarely talked and solitude was a familiar friend. Nor did the work that Shin Ra set me ever bother me that much.”
”One of the first Turks, just as they were starting to gain that name. Working for a company that was aimed at dominating the world in so many ways.” Shadow!Vincent added. “Friendships were discouraged, which suited me just fine. I preferred the cold comfort and clear boundaries. Not a life most would seek, but I was fine with it. Good at my job, skilled, and comfortable. I didn't really need or want anyone close to me.”
It appeared his shadow would start again, only for the real Vincent to cut him off. “Is there a point, to this dredging up of days gone by?” Faint creaking of leather and metal, as his left-hand twitched in annoyance.
”Simply being thorough as always.” Shadow!Vincent replied, flashing once more between his current appearance and that of his past. Before the shadow moved, quickly and purposefully to Lucrecia, circling around her and then sliding arms around her waist almost possessively. Turning to face the real Vincent, and subtle hints of emotion were in the stoic expression worn on his Shadow's face. “You were content enough, until that assignment. Until solitude was drawn to solitude, and now you've never been able to go back. Pitiful.” Scorn in his tone and harsh, low and angry--echoed in the shadow's expression. “And now that she's here, again, you're drawn-—moth to toxic flame.”
“Enough.” The clenching of gauntlet covered arm and hand was audible now, as was the growl in Vincent's voice. Rarely was any emotion heard, much less the anger and self-loathing in the undertone of that exclamation.
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"It's alright, Vincent." It's not alright, she wanted to say, but she knew what these things were capable of. Not just to those gathered here, but to the one who summoned it... it would only be far worse. "Let it speak. If you don't, it will only continue to cause you pain." Like so many other things, it would seem.
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He remained quiet, letting the drama play out for the moment. He'd step in if he had to.
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"This has been part of your greatest nightmare for years," he said softly, stiffly as he watched the shadow with a harsh gaze. Albel remembered well the darkness, the scene on repeat before the two of them -- Lucrecia, the lab, Vincent being hurt. He hadn't understood all of it at the time. But he knew this was part of it -- perhaps all of it.
"What is it about this woman that haunts you so?"
+more Gaia
The Shadow wasn't wrong; it was how Turks dealt best.
But hearing the whispers that Vincent was going to face himself, Reno had to go see. He slipped in after Cloud and lurked in the back, saying nothing for now but listening intently.
Next time on "One Lifestream to live..."
That he hadn't had anyone he really cared about, before Lucrecia. Had never had any one he'd cared to call friend, before Avalanche. Hadn't had anyone whom he cared to be close friends with like his strange friendship with Albel.
“What about her haunts me?” A heartbeat, and the emotions were easily heard in the shadow's tone. “What she's done.” To him, to herself... ”What she will do.” Affection was clear—but then he'd never stopped caring had he? But anger—anger was new. Anger wasn't something Vincent ever showed towards Lucrecia. “I never learn, and even now, I probably won't. And someone else I failed to protect, to help, who I was close to, is a Crystal now because of it.”
The words hit home, Vincent's head bowed, hands limp at his sides. Hating that this was all revealed, but knowing it had to be. It was what the shadow-self was. “That's not how Crystal Stasis works.” But there was no conviction in his voice.
Reno, late though he was, is probably the only one who will understand the Shadow's next words besides Vincent himself. ”She suffered before I ever came here, becoming a captive, a lab-rat. But I know about that, and perhaps reminding her she's not alone with her scars, her trauma was helping. Doesn't matter now, does it? I failed.” A wince, while shadow!Vincent sighed almost dreamily.
Nuzzling the top of Lucrecia's head before, the shadow's appearance changing to be a twin in dark clothes and red cloak. No longer an echo of the past that lingered. ” For all this place has been a nightmare for everyone....” Purple eyes were sure to meet another pair of crimson, a pair of bright blue, and a pair of green eyes. Acknowledging them, inviting them and recognizing their roles—all of their roles, even the woman the shadow held close—as heroes. Outsiders to Crystallis.
”...this place still isn't the nightmare for me, that Gaia will ever be.”
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No, she had to push that aside for now. As poignant as the emotions bubbling in her throat may be at the moment.
"We have no control over what this planet views as a threat. As much as it has given us, it takes away." She paused, trying to get just a little more wriggle room. "It's not failure to miss those not with us; those who've been crystallized by this planet's defense mechanism. It's grief. You never failed her, Vincent."
no subject
It was a dark sentiment if so, but Cloud could understand it. It was part of why he had drifted a bit from the "future" Gaians in this world. He wasn't sure he could relate to them. Not with all those he knew best frozen in crystal as well.
"She's right. Perhaps this world is toying with us when it comes to Crystal Stasis, but it's not something you need to blame yourself for. We're all doing the best we can here and I don't think the most of us are satisfied with it...but you're not alone. You have us, and you have all the other Heroes too. If there's one thing this world has given us it's an opportunity for new chances and new lives."
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And yeah... sometimes there was a selfish relief in knowing it hadn't been him. And sometimes there was a selfish relief that he wasn't the only one with nightmares. It was awful, but he felt better knowing he wasn't alone. He hoped it had helped Yuffie a little, too. It wasn't something he'd say out loud, but he understood Vincent's feelings.
In some ways... Crystallis was better than Gaia.
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"... She hurt you," he said simply. "She hurt you, and she will continue to hurt you. Because you love her."
It seemed obvious to him. He glanced down before shaking his head and meeting violet eyes with determined crimson. "But that's what happens. And you'll continue to take it because you love her, that's what you do when you love someone! You'd die for them!" His fists clenched and his chest felt tight as he thought of his own father, giving up everything because Albel had been foolish and arrogant.
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His shadow however... Smiles were rare, very very rare on Vincent Valentine's face. His shadow now wore a smile that was a mix of fatalistic hope and contentment. “I've already died for her, Albel. Twice now. That I love her has never been a question, and that love is what haunts me. A ghost I refuse to let be exorcised.”
Purple eyes swiveled and stared at Vincent, his Shadow-self still holding Lucrecia around the waist as he'd spoken. The embrace loose, and yet clear—and the look as crimson eyes met purple was challenging when Vincent finally raised his head to meet the stare. "Tell them. Or I will."” A blatant challenge.
Silence for several heartbeats, before Vincent spoke. “I chose opportunities provided by this world, to try and live...” His head bowed again, guilty and regretful. “It's another sin I've added to a long list.”
The smile on Shadow!Vincent's face now was triumphant, finally releasing Lucrecia from a closer embrace. Only to still keep his right arm around her shoulder, left reaching out to gently lift her chin to look at him. “I was not good enough then. I'm not good enough now. Maybe I never will be. Yet my life is still yours.” So careful with wicked claws, then releasing her fully to stride to the real Vincent.
Twins, as Vincent raised his head, and crimson met purple. Still that triumphant smile on one face, and a stoic blandness on the other. “I have tried to make this life, here, on Crystallis better. To take advantages of the opportunities it presents.” Still that regret and guilt. ”That's right, it's better here. You can avoid your destiny.”
A brief step back, and the shadow's form flickered once more. Here was the familiar form of Chaos merged with Vincent that Lucrecia would recognize. Not the demonic form he'd worn when his limit break activated here on Crystallis... The purple eyes of the shadow-self overlay yellow. If anything the voice was lower, more gutteral than Vincent's own. ”Soul wrought of terra corrupt, quelling impurity, purging the stream to beckon forth an ultimate fate...” Quoting from the Omega reports, just as Lucrecia had shared. “This world already has its scourge and reaper though, trying to protect it. You're supposed to be trying to stop that force...”
There was a mocking quality in the lower voice, Vincent's head snapping up and facing his (quite literal) demon. His fists clenched, glad that he had come unarmed, and resisting the urge to protest and fight. It was all true, and his sins and failings would be laid bare.
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I've already died for her... The words echoed in his mind, over and over. This Shadow wasn't born on Crystallis, this was a deep-rooted pain, this was carried from Gaia. That "death" was from Gaia. And Reno finally revealed himself as he spoke to Lucrecia.
"It's your fault..." It came out uncertain at first, Reno staring at her incredulously. But as he thought it over, cobbled together the bits and pieces of evidence, the accusation held more venom. "It's your fault!"
Reno's fists clenched. He knew about Vincent the Turk. He knew Vincent had been damn good; and he knew that other Shinra operatives that had been listed as "KIA" under mysterious circumstances had usually disappeared -- or had been made to disappear. Genesis, Angeal, Zack... Plenty of them had been swept under the rug for Shinra's image. And Reno had kept his mouth shut every time. He knew about Hojo, knew that he was involved with Vincent's story. Reno hadn't had much time to think about it in depth, Lucrecia was missing, and then Hojo died...
Turks always followed orders -- except when feelings got in the way.
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No, it wasn't Vincent who was the one not good enough. Yet when she caught a brief glimpse of the Shadow transforming into the Chaos she knew far too well, her blood ran cold.
"...It was," she quietly confirmed Reno's accusations with only two words. Even though it didn't fully explain what had happened between them, what had caused it in the first place, it wasn't exactly a lie. Vincent had died for her, had tried to protect her all those years ago. But she never listened until it was far too late.
"While it was Hojo who fatally wounded him, it was because of me..." Ordinarily delicate hands clenched into fists as she finally turned to face the others. No, she'd spent too many years regretting and reliving that day to ever forget that fact, and that accusation lit something in her she couldn't explain outside the tears that threatened to spill forth as she spat back. "The JENOVA Project ruined far too many lives for me to ever atone for my part, but the first victim... was the one man who loved me enough to try to intervene and confront the man I'd chosen because I couldn't face what I'd done, and instead of grieving and doing what I could to dismantle the project, or try to avenge him... I did this."
She made a monster of his decaying corpse, bringing him back to life all the same. "While he may reside inside you, Vincent... You are not Chaos. It is a separate entity--one you can master, much like the Other Self before you! What you do with what was given... it's all in your hands. This life here, your future in Gaia, and the beast within."
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As Reno shouted at Lucrecia he only spared her a glance. Even after all this time he barely knew her, and he never knew her at all back on Gaia. She was before his time and above his pay grade. To Cloud it was just as like she was any other Hero, from a different world that others might have visited before coming to this one. He'd even thought as much when they first ran into each other.
So while the others focused on the monster within Vincent, Cloud focused on the man without.
"So what? So what if you have a monster in you? So what about your destiny? If the thing you're worried about is the fact that you're choosing to make a life here rather than get dragged along from one tragedy to the next on Gaia then I'm as guilty as you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make a better life for yourself, and with all the problems we've seen here this world at least gives us that chance." He glanced at Lucrecia and thought of Sephiroth before looking back to Vincent.
"This world has a lot in common, but Hojo isn't here. Neither is JENOVA. Neither is Nibelheim or Midgar. If the two of you want to atone for your sins then the first thing you need to do is decide why you want to LIVE." He knew they'd already decided. Now they had to have the courage to act on it. The courage to be free of their own pasts.
"Sephiroth said that this world, we might not be ourselves. We might just be echoes of our own past. Our worlds' past. I don't like that idea...but if it means we can live our own lives then we have to take it. We don't need to worry about the future because it's already our past. We don't need to worry about Gaia because it's already being taken care of." Or it's been consumed by this world with its remnants scattered in the Void. But no, as long as he himself was here he'd LIVE.
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He stood there, angry and confused and speechless and numb... until Cloud spoke. The words washed over him, breaking against his walls like waves. That was something that had always surprised him about Cloud -- for such a young man, the cadet possessed a wisdom beyond his years. Albel wasn't sure Cloud was even aware of the power he possessed, but it was there.
His muscles released; his fists unclenched. "Cloud is right," he said finally, shaking his head. "This has already been done... wrong or right, it is over. And as tempting as it is to hold onto it... it traps you."
"If you want to live here, on your own terms, you can."
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Cloud's words however broke through, Shadow!Vincent turning his attention to the blonde. Listening, form fading thankfully to mirror that of the real Vincent. Who had continued and placed himself in such a way as to listen to the others, but be ready to step between any altercation. Even now, ever ready to protect and keep Lucrecia safe.
It's your fault too, you know. Listening to you, some of the advice you gave me when I first arrived. The choices I've made here.” Shadow!Vincent remarked, studying the younger blonde. ”Living here though? Is that really possible?” Addressed more to Albel, who had come to be a closer friend than he'd ever expected.
Letting that question hang in the air, if no one interrupted, until Vincent spoke quietly. Sounding defeated and uncertain. “I don't know.” Answering himself, perhaps asking himself too. “If this world is doomed too, then what point is there in trying to make a life here?”
A sigh, and the Shadow!Vincent looked satisfied. Vincent wasn't going to fight himself, and was accepting of things, even if it was in a fatalistic way. The question remained however, what now would he do?
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"I love you, Vincent, and with what little time remains..." She smiled. "Whatever it is you decide for yourself, I wish to live and fight beside you."
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"I don't know. But I have to try. Just like I'm going to try to help save this world. It may not be Gaia, but it's where we are now. There's no way to know what the future will bring, but if we want to have any control over what happens then we need to do our part. We can just wait and see, but the future we want most happens because we make it happen."
no subject
"We fight for our right to exist."
The next question, Albel asked the Shadow directly. "How do you want to exist? Because if you do not even want that... then there is nothing that you can do."
no subject
Vincent himself remained quiet, lower half of his face hidden in his cowl and crimson eyes looking at those gathered there with him. Then walking closer to his shadow, whose purple eyes met his own and simply looked...old.
“I may fail.” He told himself, shadow!Vincent standing there as stoic as the real thing ever was. ”Is it worth it?” A hint of fatalism in the question directed at himself from his shadow, but Vincent gave a nod. “I have to believe it is.” The shadow gave a nod itself, and took a step forward.
Merging once more with Vincent, who took a deep breath and went to one knee from the ordeal. Head bent, bangs falling over crimson-eyes as he sought his...friends. Sought out Reno's green-eyes and the strange comrade who'd started as enemy—so different yet cut from a similar cloth. Sought Cloud's blue-eyes that were unfamiliar but burned with the fire he knew of his older ally. Meeting Albel's own crimson, twin and yet not to his own with determination and honor and sacrifice. Lastly, Lucrecia's own deep brown; so much had started with her, and it seemed fitting that he was choosing to end with her.
A deep breath in and out, and Vincent pulled himself to his feet. “It is not in me, to give up. I have seen that path, and will not walk it again.” Decisively, and there is a hint of satisfied smile on his face. Rare and barely seen, but there.
no subject
It made him wonder if he still had a Shadow to conquer himself.
But, for now, he was at least relieved and grateful that Vincent had subdued his own and that he had been able to help.
“I am glad,” he responded with a genuine smile of his own.
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"Glad to hear it. We've come this far. If we stopped now without trying what could we even say? To the people of this world, to each other, to ourselves? Even if it seems impossible, even if it is, if we give up it's worse than losing." He raises an arm, encouraging a forearm bump. "We're gonna take this all the way to the end and see what's there."
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"He's right, even though he might be going a little overboard." Still, it was something that needed saying, thus she looked to Cloud with a faint hint of a tease.