melodiesoflife | Fear leads to anger...

Who: Tazendra, Duster, anyone who wants to drop in (seriously, she invited everyone)
Where: Lab, Aqures Ixen.
When: November 22nd [Backdated]
What: Tazendra faces her Shadow and tries not to fight it, which is the opposite of what her talents are suited for. [CW: violence, fantasy racism, classism]

Tazendra had chosen to ask Mogmi to change out her Crystal Knight advanced job for her own custom Sorceress job. It was psychologically reassuring to feel the presence of the Orb in the back of her mind, even if she knew it was a facsimile created from her own self. She handed her crystal to the Moogle in charge of the equipment, who noticed her sword. "Are you sure you want to bring that, kupo?"

"Bah. If I did not, I would feel rather naked," Tazendra answered.

"You're the Hero, kupo. But I think I'm due for a break after this." The Moogle set to work, and a person took form, looking exactly like Tazendra, down to her habitual black clothing, save for the signature purple eyes and a gold half-cloak. " Well...," she said, examining the room.

"Well indeed," Tazendra replied. "Then you are my Shadow."

"As to that, I could hardly be anyone else." The Shadow's fingers drummed on the sword. "May we assume I gravely insulted you, so we may begin the play? We would both prefer that to speech."

"I am here to listen," Tazendra said. "As much as it would be interesting to test myself against myself..."

The Shadow nodded. "Accepting that is no test at all for a Dzurlord. We see a challenge, and we think of nothing else. And, yet..."

"Yet?" Tazendra asked.

"How many times have you stayed your blade in this world or on any other for insults you would consider unforgivable in the Empire?"

Tazendra frowned. "The law here-"

The Shadow gave a mocking grin. "Bah, the law! You are not a citizen of this land, as much as you pretend to be by adopting their customs. They would be better served to behave properly, and show respect."

Tazendra was feeling rather caught off guard. Yes, all of this seemed reasonable, and yet she knew she had good reasons. She tried to think of a defense...

"But you can only follow others and fight, after all," the Shadow said. "I do not care if you do, mind you, but have pretended to be simple for so long that you are letting Easterners give you instruction."

"Have a care," Tazendra said, hand going for her sword. "You speak of friends."

The Shadow nodded, drawing her own blade. "Ah, as expected."

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"It has," Tazendra admitted.

And of course, her Shadow had to seize on that. "The Empire seems different with that realization, does it not?"

Tazendra shrugged. ""Well, it certainly gives me more cause to challenge those who think differently."

"Even friends?"

"Bah, my friends -- both those here and at home -- know what manner of person I am. And friends are not so lightly discarded."

The Shadow nodded, seeming satisfied with this. "However, that still leaves the manner of your return, as the lady says. You cannot hide from me how tempting it is to seek battle without thought of death. So, how will you... will we... doom our world? Fighting Kalki, or Garland, or the Calamity itself?"

"I will show restraint," Tazendra said, "Even now I do." She still ahd her sword out, but wasn't moving to use it.

"But how long can it last? Even now, I consider striking you down so that we may get on with it, for we will not see such again."

Tazendra, thinking of death? Duster understood bravery in the face of danger, but the wording gave him concern. The real Tazendra stated she would be careful, but with the Shadow, he did not know if he could trust her solely on her word.

"Why are you thinking like that? You don't have to die to help us fight and save this world." He directed his words at the Shadow.

"It's still been trying to conquer people," K'pandolu muttered, ears going flat for a moment.

She had her suspicions for what Duster asked after, but that would be better answered by Tazendra's double. Instead, K'pandolu frowned. "You know full well there's more in life than battle," she said. "I met a man like that, once. I think, in some ways… a life led that way is poorer." She'd seen, perhaps, enough of herself in that to worry, and to pity Rhitahtyn for it.

Tazendra sighed, frustratedly.

"Of course, they do not understand," the Shadow added. "Even in the Empire, it was accepted, but rarely understood outside the House,"

"You are not helping," Tazendra said.

"That is not my intention. I am here to say the things you cannot bring yourself to say to others, or perhaps, even to yourself. " She adjusted the grip on her sword. "I may have to do this myself, I see, but I cannot say that I mind. Nor can you."

"Even though I want to, I must not fight you!" Which was far harder than fighting someone, in Tazendra's reckoning. And she wasn't sure that not fighting was the correct answer either, since it was a core part of who she was. Was she denying her Shadow by denying her own simple desire to solve the problem with a duel?

This was all far too complicated. Really, at this point, Tazendra was starting to wish someone else would show up with the correct answer.

"That's why we're here! We're here to understand Tazendra and help her out!" Duster then turned to the real Tezendra. "Are you should you want to fight her? I know that you like fighting, and you're great at it, but you might get hurt!"

Complicated or not, Shadows were dangerous. She might be killed if it came to a physical argument.

"That's- well- if it left a mark that would impress people, I'm sure," K'pandolu said, and held her hands up. "By which I do not mean that I'm in favour of it- I think words will help us to understand rather better, yes? Just fighting won't tell us very much about your home, about you, about your desires."

"I am aware. My parents taught me that my duty always came before my desires, even as I acknowledge I have them," Tazendra said, with a nod to her shadow. "And now my duty is to stay alive for my world. It would be so very much simpler if this could be settled by swordplay. I do not know what she wants of me."

The Shadow said nothing, merely listening for the moment.

Duster gripped the loose sleeve of his shirt, rubbing his thumb slowly to better feel the details in the fabric and calm his thoughts. "It could mean...she wants you to realize that you like to fight a lot. To be honest...that feels like the only thing you care about. Sometimes."

Was she going to hate him for saying that? He knew that it was true, considering how often he saw her suggest sparring or one-on-one fighting above any other action.

The Shadow responded first. "What else is there to do here? We are a Hero; if we fight, we go home where things are a proper size, and we are not surrounded by tiny foreign children."

Tazendra replied, "Now, you know that is incorrect. Most of them are not children."

"They may as well be. If they were properly human, they would be."

"You are all very young," Tazendra conceded, addressing Duster. "And... this is the longest I have been away from home. I am not a baroness here, or a Lavode, and the rules of magic here are... frustrating." More that involved a level of technology that Tazendra considered herself a novice at. "Swordplay is something that is the same as it is at home, if one does not consider what I am fighting."

"Well..." He rubbed the back of his head. "There's fighting with a plan, or resting with other Heroes. I mean, even I had trouble getting used to this world when I first came here. There was only one city left by the time I was born, and that was built by soldiers who invaded the Nowhere Islands. Seeing so many people in one place...I could hardly believe what I was seeing."

It wasn't the same as descending from baroness to confused outsider, but Crystallis was very different from anything.

"But I got used to it. I had to appreciate being alive. Besides," he offered Tazendra a smile. "You're royalty, and royalty are supposed to be strong enough to protect the people. I think you've got that down perfectly. You don't have to worry about making up for that."

K'pandolu blinked, ears rising. "Is everything Roegadyn-sized there, then?" she asked, realising a moment after she'd said it that Tazendra wouldn't really have the frame of reference of that measurement. "They're- about so tall, more or less," she added, stretching up to indicate the height she meant.

She settled back on her heels, tail flicking, and nodded. "You've… had a lot of time to be used to one thing, right? So this… I think I can imagine. Some things seem similar enough that I expect the rest to be, and then…" She shook her head, focusing forward again. "Still- you remain yourself. That won't change."

"It is sized for me," Tazendra confirmed. Given she was over seven feet high, that matched K'pandolu's gesture. "We do not have many outsiders; it is not like here where Tarutaru use the same services as Hypello. I simply wish to go home. Not without ensuring I have a home to go to, but..."

"I haven't been this homesick since I was young and went to the capital for the first time."

"Ah..." Duster softly exclaimed. "It's homesickness." He had not been in Crystallis for a year, and he missed a lot of the people he had met in the years he traveled the Nowhere Islands. Tazendra was trapped here for far longer, and she hadn't been around so many humans before.

"That's completely normal for anyone, even a Baroness. No wonder you miss everything about your world."

K'pandolu nodded, putting her hands behind her back. "It's hard," she said, soft. "I'd surprised if most of us weren't experiencing some homesickness, to be honest. You still have the memories, though, at least… Do you think it would help to share them?"

Fear leads to anger...

Sorry for the delay, and the wordiness.

no problem!

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