[4] You've come too far to give up now

[boomchucka]

Who: Selphie and OPEN
What: She's finally made up her mind to face her shadow, but she won't be going at it alone!
Where: Palitutu's Lab
When: December 6th
Warnings: Nothing yet!

Selphie had an inkling on what her Shadow would be about. Usually, the perky brunette didn't let things get to her. She'd roll with the punches. Adapt. Move on and greet the next day with a smile as brilliant as the rising sun.

 

Except for one thing. There was one instance of her life that she's never been able to let go of. One aspect of her character that she doesn't talk about. One event that changed everything and made time stand still for her. She'd mentioned it briefly to Yuri in the past and he'd suggested letting it go but it wasn't that simple.

 

Selphie had thought about facing herself alone. She didn't want to burden her friends with a problem that stemmed back to a war that none of them had been involved in. It was her problem after all. She'd fix it herself. That train of thought was what had brought her to the graves of her friends from Trabia Garden and breaking down. It was then that she'd remembered that she'd never been alone and she knew it then.

 

The perky brunette had to face her guilt. She stood in the centre of the laboratory in her Red Mage gear and handed the attendant her white crystal shard with a nervous smile. She watched as they played around with her crystal before a girl in a yellow dress that looked a lot like Selphie materialized in front of her. There was no sunny disposition to the shadow as the purple-eyed Shadow Selphie stepped forward with a flat look on her face.

 

“I was waiting for you to come,” the shadow greeted blandly. “I honestly didn't think you'd come.

 

“I was thinking you would've come alone to face me by yourself as well. But, this is okay too.”

 

Selphie's hands balled into fists as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I...

 

“I wanted to talk to you alone but at the same time, I decided that I wouldn't hide from myself and I want my friends to understand.”

 

“Oh?” the shadow leaned forward with a cocky grin. “You want to talk? Without someone prompting you to spill the beans when you can't fake your way out of it? You won't lock yourself away this time? You're finally willing to face your guilt?”

 

Selphie leaned forward, closer to her Shadow and showed the resolve on her face, followed by a deep nod. “It's held me back long enough. If I don't change then I can't move forward.”

 

The Shadow nodded after a prolonged silence. “What's in it for me?”

Comments

[pole_position]

Pyrrha may not know Selphie as well as some of the others, but she feels an unspoken sense of camaraderie with her ever since her trip to her world. It was Squall who led her through the SeeD entrance exam, but as far as she's concerned, the fact that she passed means she and Selphie are teammates too now. And if there's one thing Pyrrha knows, it's how to support a team.

"Don't worry, Selphie. We're here for you."

[damn_juicebox]

Rukia was already well aware that there was a lot going on beneath the happy facade that Selphie put forth with such earnestness. That was fine. She knew another girl about Selphie's age who handled things the exact same way, and if that's what helped her to keep her chin up and keep her friends from fretting too much about her, then let it be so.

As long as she knew it was okay to let that facade fall when she really needed a hand up.

She had nothing to say as of yet. Selphie was handling herself well, and it looked as if she'd come to this place knowing exactly what she'd face, ready to accept it. Were Selphie to look in Rukia's direction, she would simply nod in silent, proud approval and smile as she stood with her arms folded. Just in case there was something more beneath the surface that even Selphie didn't know about, she resolved to be here and help her housemate through it.

[dammit_flynn]

Yuri stayed near the entrance of the laboratory, keeping his guard up just in case something happened. However, it seemed like everything was off to a decent start. Something that he wasn't entirely expecting to be honest. So he's going to keep from making any comments and see where this will from here and if he really needs to intervene or not.

Honestly, it's not his place to get into his friend's personal business but he will stand by them and protect them if they need it. It's just that simple for him really. After all, every one of his friends and companions seem to eagerly want to get this over with-- himself included.

[boomchucka]

Selphie was grateful that her friends were there to support her as her Shadow continued smirking at her. It wasn't her usual mischievous smirk but the malicious kind she expected to see from someone like Seifer. It was a little unsettling to know that she could have gone down the same path that he did as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Well,” the shadow beckoned. “Get on with it, sunny. What's in it for me?”

Selphie frowned at her other self and shook her head before her hands clenched into tight fists. There were a lot of things to be gained from this. There was acceptance. Grieving. Moving forward. Remembering that she's only one person who can do so much before they crumbled and fell apart. The perky brunette had already been there a couple times and had bounced back with support but now was the time to lay it all on the table.

“My friends from Trabia that I couldn't save,” Selphie said carefully as her shadow barked out a bitter sounding laugh. “That I wasn't strong enough to protect...”

“That's right,” the shadow murmured mournfully. “You couldn't bring yourself to cry in front of the others.”

“What else was I supposed to do?!” Selphie snapped back. “I had to support them because someone had to be strong and see the brighter side of a shitty picture.

“Someone had to be the sunshine after the rain, y'know?” Selphie practically sobbed. “I wasn't strong enough to save them, just like I couldn't help save that kids Mom. There's enough orphans in the worlds already.”

Selphie felt some tears trickle down her face. “Nobody else needed to be that young and lose their parents only to forget them completely.”

“So why do you blame yourself for circumstances beyond your control?” the shadow shot back hotly. “You – we know that it wasn't --”

“I know!”

“You don't,” the Shadow flared. “Why beat yourself up day in and day out because you don't know how to process grief?”

[pole_position]

"Selphie..."

Pyrrha frowns, stepping forward to place a hand on her friend's shoulder. She's not sure what to say, since the only part of this story she knows is what she's just heard. But taking the world's burdens onto your own shoulders and putting on a smile when you're hurting inside - that's something she knows.

"...You can let it out now. If you need to cry, none of us will judge you for it. Let us be strong this time."

[dammit_flynn]

"No one's going to blame you for things you can't control. I can guarantee that there are people out there who have done worse than you and still don't give grief about it."

He cared for a lot of people in his life but they were always all constantly blaming themselves for what was not in their control. What was he suppose to tell them? That it was okay to blame themselves? No, Yuri had never thought that they should but it didn't mean they would forget it.

"You should live with your head high knowing that you carry lives on your shoulders. Be happy for them and accept yourself for them. I'm sure they feel your sincerity to some extent Sunshine."

[boomchucka]

Selphie's shadow was seething anger and rage at its counterpart. Part of it wanted to smash things, to let out the pent up anger that the perky brunette swallowed every day like bitter medicine. Another part was quite happy to bask in the rage as the shadow purposefully paced the room with the same leering smirk plastered on its face. It could feel its power growing a little bit as Selphie eventually sank to her knees and stared at the floor with her shoulders hunching forward.

"Oh?" the shadow sneered before squating in front of the lighter side. The shadow placed two fingers under Selphie's chin to tilt it upward as the perky brunette glared defiantly. "Giving up already? I'll be happy to come out and play for a little bit if you need a time out."

"You know as well as I do," Selphie began in a low voice. "That there wasn't time to stop and grieve. We stopped at Trabia to assess the damage, provide what support we could and then we moved on after remembering our pasts."

Selphie let her tears come pouring out. "We were in the middle of fighting a war. We were fighting for our lives. For our future. The future of our home. There wasn't time to slow down and process what had happened. We were too busy living in the present to worry about all of that."

The shadow couldn't help but stare at the raw emotion pouring out in front of her. It had been expecting some sort of retort about not knowing how to grieve. "Sure there was," the shadow whispered. "There was lots of time. All you had to do was ask."

"I couldn't lean on the others like that," Selphie responded quietly. "Least of all, Squall..."

"My God, you really a chicken shit aren't you?" the shadow laughed mirthlessly. "Boohoo, I've leaned on him this entire time but this is too much for him to bear."

"I've lost a lot of friends and I could've lost a lot more at Balamb," Selphie pressed. "I can't bear their all of their weight and bearing it proudly might take a little time but..."

She slowly stood up and stared at her shadow hotly before jabbing a finger into its chest. "If I have to be an angry hothead like that idiot Deadpool then so be it. I'm not pushing the weight of my dead friends off on everyone else. I," she swallowed the lump in her throat as her voice went raw with the supressed grief. "Won't let their sacrifices be in vain. I know that I can't save everyone and it's frustrating but I'll get over it."

She really didn't have much choice.

[damn_juicebox]

"That isn't necessary," Rukia replied, her voice quiet but calm. Her arms were folded as she listened. She'd seen Selphie deal with her grief before, and it seemed like keeping it all pent up had a negative impact on her health. "It isn't about getting over it. Sometimes the pain doesn't heal, and the sting of old memories never truly fades."

Her head turned toward the shadow and she gave it a faint nod. "Your other half is telling you that it's all right to take a break sometimes and catch your breath. I agree." Her gaze shifted back to Selphie. "You aren't the sort of person to shut down and surrender when the pressure grows intense. You'll push forward, because you have strength, and you know what's important. Keep moving forward as best you can, but rest when you need it. It's the same thing you would offer to any one of us, is it not? Allow us to return the favor."

[dammit_flynn]

"What Shorty said. We're your friends and allies. We're not letting you take on that burden by yourself. I'm pretty damn sure most of us have some sort of blood on our hands, myself included. You're not alone."

He repeated giving her a serious look for that. Yuri knew that it was hard to get it through her stubborn head that she wasn't alone, but he was going to drill it for as long as he could. After all, Rukia made a good point already and so did her own other self. There was no shame in knowing and being aware of the things that happened but letting them control you was a different story.

Yuri would never let the blood on his hands control him.

[boomchucka]

"Heh," the shadow chuckled briefly. "You should listen to them. Our friends from Garden aren't here for you to lean on."

"Everybody's right though," Selphie responded quietly. "It won't do me, or anyone else any good if I hold this in..."

Selphie's shadow watched as her more cheerful counterpart sank to the floor with her hands balling into fists on top of her knees. The anger and the rage dissipated from the shadow who knelt into front of her lighter side and placed a hand on top of Selphie's bowed head. The shadow felt the tremor, saw the slight shake in the shoulders and nodded its head. "You'll be okay. So stop trying to be strong all the time. Let them in."

"Okay," Selphie whispered in acceptance before a sob could escape her throat.

"She'll be fine," the shadow responded in Selphie's silence. She looked up at Pyrrha, Rukia and Yuri individually. "She might need a few minutes though. She trusts you."

And with that, the shadow looked over to the moogles and gave a slight nod. The moogles ended the session as Selphie's shadow stood up and looked down at the crying girl before vanishing into the ether.

[dammit_flynn]

When that concluded, Yuri casually rested a hand on Selphie's head and patted her gently. It was a job well done and she did a good job with accepting that was her. He knew she could do it even if she took some time to fight it off. She was one of his friends and he knew that she as a headstrong individual with a lot to offer.

For now he didn't feel like there was anything that was needed to be said to her. She'd need a moment of silence for sure.