#20 | The Life of a Soldier [December | Starlight catch-all]

[shinrasfinest]

Characters: Sephiroth & OPEN Prompts below
Where: Various as prompted
When: Throughout December / Starlight Celebrations
Summary: Away from all the merriment involved with this very special time of year, there are those working flat out to ensure that it stays that way. Whether it be fending off monsters for the first week of Trano Golsaucia's re-opening, safeguarding frontiers as the Calamity creeps ever forwards to engulf the land that is left unprotected, or getting that crucial fitness training in with any spare moment given.
It might be the last Starlight this World would see, and it's his job to make sure everyone was able to make the most of it.
Warnings: N/A (for now)

[#1 - Trano Golsaucia]
[#2 - Aqures Ixen. Training.]
[#3 - Wildcard]

Comments

[gorgeous_sin]

Perhaps that's the case for you, but not necessarily everyone else.

[She sighs, her expression almost comical in her enduring frustration and irritation at her tireless endeavors to really grasp what it is she wants, and what she should be doing about it.]

I can't seem to reconcile what I am with what I want to be. The rest of you make it look so easy, it's annoying.

[There's no sting of malice in her words, it's simply an expression of her feelings.]

I couldn't even accept the possibility that I was already human when it was staring me directly in the face.

[shinrasfinest]

[Human? Though Sephiroth has had his suspicions about Lust from the few times he's encountered her, he doesn't know her in anyway intimately enough to know how it really is for her. However, by the same vein of thought, he too had difficulty in adjusting to the more-human parameters within which they all exist upon Crystallis.

A slight lift to one edge of one of his eyebrows indicates that curiosity as Sephiroth leans his weight forward slightly, folding arms on top of the table.]

Everyone is different. Everyone has had to adjust to the reality we're faced with here, in one way or another.

[He tries to offer something of an encouraging smile but the expression never does seem to lift all the way to his eyes.]

It's hard to see what's right there in front of you, when you're expecting something else.

[gorgeous_sin]

[Lust doesn't miss that slight lift of his brow. She's perceptive unlike so many of the player's other characters, and if he's making the effort to let the emotions show, she's going to notice.]

You didn't know.

[An observation, tinged faintly with surprise.]

Surely you must have suspected there was something off.

[That curiosity is mirrored on her own face, though it's tinged with just a tiny bit of pleasure. So many others are quick to realize she's not human, it's rather flattering if he truly thought she was. And he's smiling? Lust inclines her head faintly, acknowledging the gesture in a silent gesture of appreciation.]

So much of my life has been spent on the pursuit. I hardly know what to do, now that I have what I've yearned for all this time. It isn't how I thought it would be.

[She holds up her hand and studies it, the muscles in her slim fingers tensing slightly, then relaxing.]

I always thought I would be nicer.

[shinrasfinest]

[So much for being discreet. That being said on the last handful of occasions he and Lust had conversed she'd been just as perceptive with picking up on any small twitch that his body language inadvertently gave off. He's stuck somewhere between scolding himself for not recalling that, and being relieved that the truth has been so simply confirmed so there's no dancing around it to be done.]

No more so than a few others, I suppose. There are individuals brought from all over the multiverse, after all.

[Even though there are lots of humans, being not so socially inclined doesn't give very many tools so as to pick out those that might not quite fit the generic moral code that humanity often adheres to. Perhaps he should have paid more attention, it's neither here nor there, at this moment.]

Nicer?

[There isn't anything wrong with how she looks, not as far as he's concerned, at least.]

[gorgeous_sin]

Kinder. Warmer.

[She slants a little grin at him as she clarifies, laying her hand back down upon the table. He seems genuinely interested in what she is...or rather, what she was...and she sees no benefit in being secretive.]

I was a homunculus before coming here, created from the flesh of an alchemist's dead lover. From what others said, she was kind and good-hearted. Sometimes I see flashes of her life, but they're brief.

[She picks up the glass of wine that lingers on the table, relatively untouched, and takes a small sip.]

As you might have guessed, there's really no similarities in our personalities now. I can't mirror what she was.

[shinrasfinest]

[Homunculus. Not a term that Sephiroth has heard, or even read all that much about; that angle of alchemy doesn't have much of a place in the World where he's from. He sets his jaw a little while trying to compute the technicalities of what Lust explains and eventually ends up pairing it with a term he does know. Clone. But not detached from the original so much, given that she mentions seeing flashes.

Sephiroth follows the gesture, taking an equally small sip of his water where Lust takes a sip of wine.]

Neither should you. Regardless of your origins, it's not only that which you are made of which shapes you.

[A pause is all that's needed for that remark to be reflected inwards; he really should listen to his own logical advise sometimes.]

Just like every other sentient being in the universe, really.

[gorgeous_sin]

[What a surprisingly supportive thing to say. Obviously she wasn't expecting it, because Lust stares at him for two beats in silence. Then she closes her eyes with a single, quiet chuckle.]

Hm~ Perhaps you're right.

[Her slim shoulders hitch with a casual shrug.]

Being mortal is easy. Being human, less so.

[It's a long path to walk, and she's not sure she'll ever gain the kindness and sympathy she believed she should have been emulating as a human.]

I admit, I wasn't expecting words of wisdom from you. I thought you didn't like me much.

[shinrasfinest]

[It's clear he's said something that at the very least has caused her to pause. But Sephiroth is much too well-mannered to pick at it, he allows his attention to drift around the room some in the meantime, while Lust picks her train of thought up again.

He nods carefully along with her comment about being mortal; it sounds about right.

It was his turn to take a pause as the remark about not liking her much was expressed. In a roundabout way Sephiroth empathizes to a certain extent, given that he's been living the 'human' life for all of his already, yet kindness and sympathy don't come easily given the circumstances in which he had been living it, before.]

I don't dislike you. [Which in many ways weighs a lot more to him than particularly clicking with another person, or not. Sephiroth then looks around quickly before lowering his voice a little, leaning a little further over the table to share something a little more private; she had, so he felt it was only fair to do so.]

I spent an entire life living what I had always considered a human existence. Until suddenly it wasn't.

[gorgeous_sin]

Ha ha...~

[Saying he doesn't dislike her means he doesn't care for her either. But she enjoys the word play. Even if he said he hated her stinking guts, she likely wouldn't be offended. Lust has always cared very little for what other people think of her. She curls her fingers under her chin and takes another sip of her wine as she listens to him speak. Her interest is further piqued when it seems she's touched upon something more private. Her finger traces the rim of her wineglass as her brows lift fractionally, giving her an almost sympathetic look. It might even be genuine.]

What changed?

[She's interested in him now, perhaps more than ever before. She had not expected to find similarities between herself and this man, but the world is full of surprises, isn't it?]

[shinrasfinest]

[At the very least, Sephiroth can always be counted on for his honesty and he'd expressed no more and no less than what he thought of her. There are very few people that he cares for and those that he does he wouldn't put into words, or even allow himself to ponder as such. It's just getting them set up to be weaknesses.

For once though, however significant the revelation he were about to divulge to Lust about himself, Sephiroth seemed almost at peace with it. In a kind of 'wrestled-with-a-thousand times and now bored of' kind of way.]

Not so much changed, only that I'd never known. Turned out that 'special' didn't put me on the so-called righteous path that I'd at one time solidly believed in.

[A pause; he knew he had to give more that she'd have any comprehension at all.]

Special in the dangerous, potentially world-destructive way, as opposed to special in terms of naturally gifted.

[gorgeous_sin]

How alike we are. My 'gifts' could never have truly been called natural either.

[She smiles, swirling the wine idly in her glass before tossing back the rest of its contents and setting it aside.]

Does it still bother you? Or have you come to terms with what you are, and what you're capable of doing?

[Did he mean to have those gifts removed from him at all costs? Or would he embrace his identity and make use of it? He was an interesting fellow to say the least.]

[shinrasfinest]

[He's still sipping intermittently at his glass of water. He'd come in here potentially to eat something, as well, but the company seemed suddenly much more interesting. Besides, there were still a handful of soldiers also in the hall and he'd much rather eat in the peace and quiet of a bit later, or in his own office somewhere.]

If those 'gifts' have always been your own, how can they not be natural? There has to be affinity before there can be expertise, no matter how hard you work.

[Seldom-used, somewhat philosophical rhetoric from the soldier, who'd have thought?]

I think that I might become concerned, if there ever came a time that I found I wasn't bothered by the concept of coming to terms with it.

[Thus, a molehill-turned-mountain by no one but Sephiroth's own sense of morals, it seems.]

What do you...think?

[gorgeous_sin]

Do you really want to know how a homunculus is created?

[Because she has yet to meet someone who's ever heard the tale and smiled approvingly. Her smile is a little wider as she poses the question; just because she has yet to see someone react favorably doesn't mean she feels a touch of enjoyment just the same. She'll assume the question was a rhetorical one for now. Besides, he's actually asking for her own opinion.]

[He might find some satisfaction in the momentary drop of her smile as she regards him with just the briefest glimpse of surprise. Lust recovers swiftly with a quiet chuckle, using her fingers to brush away a few errant black strands of hair from her brow.]

Ah, well. The nature of my existence never truly bothered me. Those born without a soul are seldom burdened with a conscience, and I never felt guilty about what I was or what I did, so long as I could someday become whole again. It was all that I knew. It consumed me.

[She speaks calmly, but at this point, she pauses, curling her fingers thoughtfully beneath her chin.]

Now? I find the motivation for my actions has changed. There are those who have become dear to me, I believe. The thought of disappointing them has caused me...discomfort. Perhaps this is what it is to feel guilt.

[Her head turns to look at Sephiroth directly.]

My reasons for continuing to exist have changed. Ahh, it's bothersome.

[She sighs, shrugging her shoulders.]

Living for the sake of someone else has always been a weakness I looked down upon, and here I am. A hypocrite, hm~? What about you?

[Smile.]

Are you bothered by the reasons you exist, or the reasons why you choose to continue existing?

[shinrasfinest]

[There is something in her wider-smile for a moment in response to his rhetoric, that quickly and severely warns Sephiroth that perhaps he's asking too much; did he really want to know the answer to that question? True enough, though he does know all about his own origins now when he hadn't before, were the exact specifics of how the project was carried out something that he was prepared to hear. And by hearing, visualize in his minds eye...

Thankfully Lust goes with the answer to his question of her opinion and doesn't follow that former thread of potentially deterring conversation. Sephiroth listens with unflinching intent to what Lust has to say, occasionally flicking his eyes back to the remaining water that still resides in the glass while he's gathering his internal responses and thoughts to the opinion he asked for.

He dares to imagine what might be the equivalent of such a soul-less existence as he might understand it, but quickly dismisses where that leads and rises his gaze to meet with Lust's again.]

Strange how we might find some common ground here, as well.

[Before Crystallis, Sephiroth would have strongly asserted his own existence as being simply his own. All his choices and actions a result of his near-vicious independent streak that he'd taken from adolescence. He lived for no one but himself, moreso in the wake of all the betrayal...

But not really...]

I find myself carrying on for the same reasons that I held before, yet the context has changed. I worked hard for acknowledgment before, to feed a purpose that I wanted to have but one might argue wasn't ever rightfully all mine.

Now, it's more about giving myself a reason to exist. I think.