[It's all a ruse, sadly. The Barkeep sets the pot of stew on the stove - it's been hundreds of years since the last fire stovetop was used; this place was such a backwards planet - and jogs upstairs to grab his opera notes and two blank sheets of paper. He makes sure to lock the drawer of fanfiction before he leaves.

Once returned, he sets the papers on the table.]

I got a new relationship chart laid out. Black Mage with Princess. Thinkin' of the Ancient leader havin' a former relationship with one of the other characters, makin' him more sympathetic. Heck, why not make the leader a woman?

[An idea!] What about switchin' all the genders around? That'd make it more interestin'!