melodiesoflife | #16 | Can't undo the past

Entry tags:

#16 | Can't undo the past

Characters: Sephiroth [OPEN]
When/Where: 16th June - Aqures Ixen. Set at Palitutu's laboratory but can run-in around the City.
Summary: About a week ago, a certain file containing highly-sensitive and potentially damaging information regarding a particular Hero of Light was made available publicly while it's owner was off working at Esdham. Now that Sephiroth is back in Aqures Ixen, this is a matter (ie. locking it back up) that takes priority. However, there might be a few individuals who take the opportunity to address it, for good or ill.
Warning(s): The usual; in particular there is a potential for abrasive words completely intended to divert the subject.

When he'd requisitioned the urgent shuttle back to Aqures, Sephiroth had made a point for an early morning arrival. However, it was more like late afternoon by the time he arrived at the airport. Little for him to complain, given as resources were as stretched as they were. Still, even with his military pack still strapped to his shoulders, there was no slowing to the pace at which he urgently marched through the streets with naught but his destination in mind - it had been a long time since it had been so important to get to that certain premises.

Perhaps coming at late afternoon might actually be a blessing in disguise; there couldn't be all that many people working at the laboratory at that hour. Less people to risk drawing eye contact with, even less that might stop him - with idle chit-chat or otherwise. Even Terra, she should be at home already and even if she wasn't yet, she disliked the laboratory just as much as he did.

His backpack was already half off a shoulder even before Sephiroth entered one of the empty rooms that held a lone terminal, and it was quickly crashed atop the table while at the same time he reached into an inside pocket to retrieve his crystal and placed it next to the terminal where Sephiroth pretty much slid into the seat before. One of the many tails of it's meteor-shape had been chipped at a little -his contribution towards Jade's work in the previous month- but otherwise the glinting blue gem hadn't changed it's hue hardly at all in recent months --still sitting at around the 80% that anyone might have been able to discover about it over the last week.

Long fingertips tapped away at the computer as he quickly found his path through the various screens -having done this a handful of times since they'd first been leaked in the wake of Palitutu's escape- and pulled up the index page which held all of his particulars. Sephiroth scowled to himself and ran a hand back through his hair, separating strands out where it had been tied up for most of the journey he'd taken.

Of course, there was no way of knowing how many times this might have been opened in the last week, and he wasn't about to go and find a hacker who might be able to find out either.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

One week was enough for a nosy group of Heroes to read through Sephiroth's file. Moogles told other Moogles, who gossiped with Annie's circle, who mentioned it to Mordecai while cleaning up the saloon one evening. He dropped his broom when he realized that Sephiroth was out of town for the next several days thanks to meeting with a certain Esdham leader, giving him enough time to run over and read. Oh, how much he needed to find the truth behind Sephiroth's shady past: burning villages, killing off parents, and using the power of deadly science to fight for a corrupt corporation. This he had to know.

The becoming god and Jenova part was unexpected, to put it lightly. A Calamity on his world? And he's the son of Lucrecia? That poor woman gave up her son for science, and she had no reason to. And to think he saw her as a reasonable person.

He wasn't at the lab when Sephiroth returned; that would be a dangerous place to confront him. Instead, he waited outside the Aqures Ixen castle, surrounded by guards and workers, with Cid nearby in case things got troublesome. Once Sephiroth was within his range of vision, he walked up to the silver haired man.

"Good afternoon." His face was unsmiling, and he spoke with a purpose that only made Sephiroth's day worse.

It was after the file had been locked again, that Sephiroth had shrugged his military pack onto only one shoulder and took a slower pace back through the districts towards the residential area on the outskirts. He wasn't sure how he felt, stuck somewhere between the clear fact that he had no idea who might have had a look in and what they thought of him as a result now. He might even be over-reacting; over-thinking things was his forte - it might only have been a handful and might not have changed anything at all.

There was, however, nothing to be done for it now. Either way, going home and getting settled for the evening was the next task at hand. It would be nice to see-

Far be it for the tall silver-haired hero to be intimidated by a group of people lingering outside of the castle, usually, but given the circumstance perhaps he did consider them for too long as Mordecai then approached him. The saloon owner looked serious, like he might actually pose a threat here. Sephiroth's hackles rose further, though he did remind himself that he'd settled the debt with the Barkeep the suspicion crept around in his head; was there something else he'd done? Or neglected to do?

There shouldn't be any more bad blood, bitter maybe for a while, but that wasn't what he thought he was reading in the others expression. And how he wasn't alone.

"Late afternoon." He should keep walking, but Sephiroth did come to a stop. He hadn't done anything wrong, after all. There was no reason, other than his own paranoia, to feel nervous.

"Is there something-?"

"Sephiroth, there's somethin' we need to talk about," he said with the air of an adult speaking down to his student or employee. What was in the file was far worse than any of the teenagers and young adults he looked after on Mars or Crystallis ever did, but the super soldier might not have listened otherwise. Destroying the world was a serious matter, and if he had to prevent future habits, talking down to Sephiroth could not be ruled out.

"While you were away on a mission, I was doin' some cleanup, checkin' on the state of the city and all that, and I came across somethin' on your file." He paused, giving Sephiroth enough time to realize where he was going.

Hoping not to alarm the nearby onlookers, he lowered his voice. "What's this about becomin' god and spreadin' some kinda Calamity across your world?"

There might have been a time previously, where just Mordecai's tone --that condescending adult speak-- would have done little more than have Sephiroth promptly turn tail and refuse to continue a conversation. No one ever had the balls to talk to him in such a way and he for one shouldn't have the consideration to grant them.

But things were different now. Sephiroth's insecurity was wont to flaring up at the slightest provocation and as the Barkeep continued that all too familiar knot started turning around in his gut. Anxiety about himself as a whole hadn't been buried too far beneath the surface following that night, or rather, he'd tried to bury it deeper but it didn't want to give up. He was an expert at distracting himself, by now.

As voice was lowered, the silver haired mans hearing sharpened and what Mordecai had to say next seemed just as loud as if he might have shouted it from atop a hill, for all to hear. Sephiroth's tight setting of his jaw betrayed how he felt about this man -now obviously- knowing things that he'd rather he didn't.

"What about it-" Dull, deep tones were equally low in volume. Sephiroth even took half a step closer to Mordecai just to accentuate the need for some measure of discretion.

"-you know what those files contain, as much as anyone else does."

"I know you know that I know. We all know what's information you got in there. What I don't know is the why you'd think that's a good idea." His head remained high as he did his best to look at Sephiroth in the eye. The large height different and the hairs threatening to cover Sephiroth's face made it difficult.

He gripped the edges of his robe and steeled himself. "Now, I heard some things of the unsavory sort, and while it's mostly happened in your future, I can't help - as a concerned citizen - but be concerned about you. No one goes around burnin' villages and destroyin' the world for no good reason, and I wanna make sure that whatever is goin' on in that head of yours isn't gonna put us in danger."

That being him siding with the Calamity and ruining all progress the Heroes had made.

Being as short, in comparison to Sephiroth, as he was it was difficult to keep his head tilted downwards and not flick his flaring green eyes up to look at the lackeys the Barkeep had thought to bring with him for this little encounter. He just about managed it and made do with his hair falling over his face some; at least Mordecai wasn't reeling off all the grim details...

"What reason do you suppose I would have for that?"

Sephiroth's tone was unfriendly as he challenged the Barkeep's logic. For all of the times he'd swirled around within his own mind all those possible explanations for Jenova, the Reunion and the rest of his later-self's train of unending plans for the Planet he came to believe belonged to him, the logical reason still evaded him. He didn't appreciate, hence the tone, Mordecai's approach with his query. It was a clear question that had hung over him, personally, ever since he'd read the contents of the file himself, a source of a great deal of his contemplation ever since.

He kept his eyes firmly in contact with the other man as he waited for an answer. Slitted pupils at their smallest, framed narrowly with those thick black lashes of his. Inside, the mako glow he'd managed to regain through his custom job shone steadily as if a beacon in it's own right.

For all the calm that Sephiroth was displaying, the Barkeep waved his arms around and dramatically shrugged at his inquiry.

"I'm not a mind reader. Would love to have the ability, but it ain't part of the Jobs I got." Mental note: find a Job combination that allowed him to read minds. "I'd think that you got some deep-seated rage issues stemmin' from the whole super soldier infused with radioactive life force or somethin'. There's no way that can be good for your brain."

There was no logical reason for destroying an entire planet, whether it be Gaia or Crystallis. For all he knew, the villains behind that were just bored or enjoyed the thrill of destroying lives.

"Tifa told me a lot 'bout all the trouble you get up to in your future. You make a complete one-eighty and start killin' folks left and right. You can't blame me but be concerned that you're gonna break composure here and do somethin' dangerous. Not 'become a god' dangerous, but dangerous all the same."

He'd managed it thus far, but as the Barkeep came around to 'deep-seated rage issues' Sephiroth's urge to fold his arms up over his chest won out. At the same time, the taller man tilted his head down towards the shorter one so that his partly raised eyebrow could clearly be seen. His expression read clearly; 'Really? We're gonna visit this?'

As the tirade went on, easily leading into events that Tifa had explained; about Nibelheim in particular, Sephiroth drew a deep breath in, raised his head away and blew a short puff of air out of his nose away from the both of them. It wasn't a comfortable conversation to be having in the street, at all.

"Firstly. Allow me to put some perspective to you that you must have missed that first time we spoke; said radioactive life-force you refer...I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for those experiments. Moral or immoral as they might be."

It was clear it was taking Sephiroth a lot of effort in organizing his thoughts, and trying to communicate his outrage as calmly -and as a result, stiffly- as possible to Mordecai.

"As for your concerns. I don't have an answer. I've no way of knowing the exact trigger, aside from the fact that it may well have already been primed years ago...even with my very conception. But I do know one thing-"

Try as he might, there is no blunting what could easily be taken as a threat if the Barkeep weren't to back down a few pegs.

"-you wouldn't be standing here, still, if I were to flip like you say."

Mordecai had expected more of an emotional outburst, but barely-contained rage was close enough. He didn't trust people who hid their emotions. Sparks had little care for things that didn't involve him or his work, and he was tired of all these outlaws he had to arrest. Red expressed her anger by punching things, and while he was of the silently stewing type, Mordecai knew her well enough to guess how she was feeling. Felton made sure the entire town knew that he was afraid.

Croach liked to pretend he had no emotions. He wasn't that friendly of a fellow at first, but they were lucky that the Martian was generally good at heart. Sephiroth, however, remained a mystery, though evidence pointed to a negative conclusion.

"I ain't sayin' energy can be put to good use. Shinra has my thanks when it comes to savin' lives, but advances in medicine don't mean a thing when they turn you into a soldier for their plans to take over the planet."

Nine months ago, he would be worried for his life when speaking to Sephiroth. He had just been nearly killed, sent back to the past unwillingly, and turned into crystal. His powers were not fully realized yet. But now, he had no reason to fear for his life. He needed piece of mind, and the only way to get that would be to talk the problem away.

"Really? Are you referrin' to past events here, or this conversation?"

The edges of Sephiroth's nose flared a little as Mordecai spoke of Shinra. It was two fold, the irritation he felt at the others' mention of the company he'd dedicated his life towards and that made it impossible to cover up or divert attention from. The SOLDIER's loyalty was still intact. He had treasured memories which he held associated with it, after all, close to his heart still even though he now knew more of the various layers of smokescreen they had set up around him. His entire existence had been a carefully controlled experiment, and just before he'd come to Crystallis he'd been about ready to lift the lid...

Glaring eyes blinked heavily and he tore his gaze from the Barkeep, quickly finding the floor in a vain attempt to regain some composure. It had not only touched a raw nerve, but the comment had flicked it a few times and now it was inflamed - sitting at the front of Sephiroth's mind.

He frowned further as direct words came bubbling up from on top of all those thoughts.

"Yes really. That man...he wouldn't suffer your concern."

It wasn't really answering the question, with regards to if Sephiroth referred to events in the past, this conversation, or potential future outcomes, and that in itself potentially threw even more of a shadow on the silver-haired heroes current state of mind. Perhaps it wasn't all that surprising, considering how things were the last time Mordecai saw him.

"What man? Someone I have to be careful of?" The list of men from Sephiroth's world that Mordecai was aware of only contained one name: Vincent Valentine. That name wasn't mentioned in Sephiroth's file, yet considering the mess he created with Jenova, someone else was bound to take issue. Vincent was an alright man.

Now, Hojo was another matter judging from the report, but he wasn't in this world.

"I make it my business to be concerned about anyone and anythin' that might cause trouble in these parts. I'm a mayor, and knowin' who to keep an eye out for is what I do," he spoke with a narrowing of his eyes. He remembered what Sephiroth did in his saloon. He had a mental list of transgresses everyone committed.

It was plain that Mordecai's comment confused Sephiroth, a moment of blankness passed across his features as he raised his eyes again to meet with the Barkeep. A wealth of unresolved rage and anger against the whole world was sitting simmering just beneath the surface. Though for all appearances he didn't appear ready to go flying off the handle again. Unlike the time in the bar.

"Vincent knows well enough. But I wasn't referring to him..."

His jaw quickly tightened up again as the temptation of a thought tickled just on the inside of the line that would make it pass into actual speech. Another steadying breath was taken as Sephiroth continued to force his temper back down inside of himself.

"I was referring to myself. To that man, who ends up more monster, that inevitably I will become. One way or another."

"'One way or another' ain't gonna cut it!" His response was immediate. Hunched shoulders, standing on his toes, attempting to get as close to Sephiroth's face as his short stature would allow.

"You're gotta burn down villages and destroy planets in the future just 'cause you think you're supposed to? Where's the responsibility in that?!" He waved a hand out towards the city. "We got a whole lotta people dependin' on us, right now and right here. Once we lose our spirit and start goin' around and thinkin' that we can't do anythin' to save planet, or that we're gonna become anti-gods or whatever, that's when the team loses the game! Givin' up is the worst thing you can do!"

Enough with the gentle talk. Mordecai coached a sports team, and while confidence had to be managed to an ideal level, the lack of willingness to fight (or play soccer) secured a certain defeat.

"So if you trash another saloon and say that you're gonna end up a destroyer of worlds because destiny says so, go pick a different one! Even without the Force Galactic, I decide what I wanna be. Maybe I can't become a start blitzball player or a cop, but I can be a better person. Once you have that goal, you started on the right path."

Finally, Sephiroth's stern facade broke. His face creased up into something far more angry than Barkeep had ever had the pleasure of seeing on him before. The veteran soldier made such an effort to keep up professional appearances and under this sort of pressure...his personal discipline had taken blow after blow before now-

"Destiny doesn't say so. Don't you get it? Open your eyes; it already happened!" A heavy breath was taken in at the end of that statement, Barkeep had nudged open the door holding back almost all of Sephiroth's issues with himself and all that could come now was for it all to come bursting through.

"Just because I don't know that I did any of those things, doesn't change the fact that it already came to pass! Only some mechanic of this realm sees it fit to keep said experiences from being implemented upon me. Undoubtedly some other cursed property of these crystals we have."

Bitterness and uncontrollable rage thumped eagerly in the back of Sephiroth's throat as he took a decisive step back and away from Barkeep and his accompanying posse. Who he then took a long glance over each of them, almost challenging them to do something. He can't possibly have his reputation damaged any further, he figures, so why the hell shouldn't he get it off his chest for once!

With a huffed grunt, flared-up green eyes locked again with Barkeep.

"Don't get me wrong. I'll continue to do my part, as ever. Sweat, blood and all the rest of it, because that's the only path I've ever known. But make no mistake, I won't be the one to save the world."

Mordecai jerked back at the outburst, but his feet remained planted. He had succeeded in some way: Sephiroth finally spilled what he thought about this future. There was a risk when it came to him snapping, and while they both agreed this was a problem, Mordecai found issue with Sephiroth's response. With narrowed eyes pointed at the silver haired man, he waved a hand at the onlookers to leave. Things were getting serious.

"It happened in another timeline. I can't argue with that. But this ain't the same thing. We don't got Shinra on this planet. No villages bein' attacked by an energy company. You're not workin' towards world domination. You're workin' with the military, sure, but they ain't the boss of everythin' you do."

He sighed. Better clarify that.

"You weren't raised by Esdham or Cid or whoever. They don't got no business in how you're gonna save the world. Which you will do, savin' the world, I mean. You got a chance to fix all that you do in your future."

Spilling his exact, frustrated thoughts about his future was one thing, getting Sephiroth to admit that he was exactly the sum of all the parts that Shinra had made him, to Barkeep no less, was another few layers underneath that would have to be cut down to first if the man wanted just as tangible a response to the last comments.

Not to mention, he had yet to get to that stage of introspection as to have a chance to identify with the fact that -really- he'd had minimal control over his own life before being brought to Crystallis, despite all his parading around as if it were the exact opposite.

What it did disturb though, was the fact that Sephiroth knew already that he hadn't a midge of the confidence left, in himself, that he once had. That had all been planted in him too, grown into his very upbringing, after all. Without it he felt uncertain, and terrified to put a foot wrong. It was a good job he had plenty of distractions, what between his work and Terra.

"I can't change it anymore than I can change where I came from. There is no 'fix' which will in any way, shape or form, out-balance the role I played as my own Planets' Calamity."

There he said it. And with that Sephiroth took the first few strides away from Mordecai before all the stirred emotion might make him do something that he'd regret even more so.

Let him take those few steps. Mordecai remained where he was standing, but he could tell that Sephiroth had so much more to say on the topic. And most likely, he didn't change his mind for the better.

"I hope you don't mean you're givin' up on this planet," he called after him. "Everyone's got a part in keepin' folks safe."

One didn't have to be a Marshal on Mars or a vigilante or a superpowered bartender to prevent catastrophe. Even if Sephiroth did little, it was better than assuming the worst and not contributing or, even worse, impeding their progress.

Barkeep was right. As steps were taken away from the situation, rather than the relief that came from putting distance between himself and it, Sephiroth didn't even have to wait for the others' words to reach his ears before he was already regretting it. Had he really come to this, not even having the guts to stand up for himself anymore?

Somewhere in the back of his mind, his shrunken pride twisted in on itself. Enough to make Sephiroth stop, long silver hair falling uniformly into place behind him. He held within the front of his mind the fact that he should have just walked on, shouldn't have even looked at Mordecai as he'd passed near to the Castle on his route back home.

"Don't worry. I still have enough pride left in my work, at least."

It was a venomous snap back half over his shoulder, but couldn't be contained given how riled up he was becoming. Frustration manifested itself in different ways, across all different sorts of people. The meaning was plain though; Sephiroth wouldn't give up on what he was already doing, but he felt little inclination to spread out further when he was lacking enough of a reason to do so.

"Honestly though, there isn't anything left to give up."

He crossed his arms and glared at Sephiroth. Nothing left to give up?

"You still got Terra. Last time I checked you two were heads over heels for each other."

Everyone got a copy of the correspondence, though not everyone replied. Letters of love were the best source of gossip, and Mordecai held onto those the dearest.

That made him take a step to the side and turn more back to meet that glare head on. It did seem, very much so, that Barkeep had touched a sensitive nerve.

"Last time you...checked? It's none of your business how I-"

-feel about Terra. He was going to say but managed to stop it from also spilling out uncontrolled. Sephiroth raised his shoulders in a deep breath and blew it out in double the amount of time, an old tried method of calming his temper before it might just rage up even further. Getting defensive over Terra isn't going to help anything.

"Yes I do. But I don't have to save the Planet for her."

Edited 2016-07-07 21:12 (UTC)

He let out a small chuckle. "Judgin' by the responses to the letters you sent out to everyone, you're pretty close." The bad boy and the nice girl. A classic pairing if he ever saw one.

"Would be nice if you left her a place to live, especially if you were around."

"None of your business." A sharp comment to remind Mordecai that he wasn't going to get any more of that particular vein of interest, out of Sephiroth. Social harpy or not, both Sephiroth and Terra are very private people; she'd been so embarrassed after the correspondence had been leaked.

"We don't get to choose that."

"I'm sorry, but there's little we can do for files that have been corrupted."

This voice was probably unfamiliar to Sephiroth, unless he spent enough hours in the laboratory to recognize each employee's voice. The second, however, held a very distinctive Germanic accent that very few seemed to have, making it much easier to identify her.

"I do not understand. How can they become corrupted in the first place? What is it that corrupts these? Surely there must be a way to repair them."

The first voice sighed as the sound of footsteps drew closer. "You're not from a world that deals with computer technology, are you?"

"That's not a satisfying explanation."

The door handle twisted and Ellie walked right in, followed by a Moogle hovering over her shoulder in a lab coat. Both stopped, staring at Sephiroth with obvious surprise.

"Sorry," the Moogle intoned. "We didn't know this room was occupied--"

"Why are you here?" Ellie asked, far more blunt than her companion. Her eyes flicked to the screen, instinctively drawn by the words displayed there.

The voices had started as just the hum of background noise while Sephiroth were logging onto the terminal and -like always- was caught in browsing the information on the screen, all anew. It wasn't often, that he came to the laboratory at all and much less for the purpose of reading again notes on himself that he'd all but managed to convince himself he would have been better off not knowing.

But that stuff about having to accept himself as he was, even for the monster he'd end up, preyed heavily on his mind.

As the footsteps did draw nearer and he was able to hear the accent of a certain fellow Hero, Sephiroth had all but conceded to expecting those footfalls to walk straight past the closed door.

No such luck.

As soon as the handle turned and the door opened Sephiroth's eyes were immediately over the top of the monitor and he was turned in his chair to face that direction, ready to glare at whomever might come through into the room while he was here. His hand, which was just about to take the blue crystal from the desktop, flinched but Sephiroth managed to control the reaction enough so as not to snatch it back into his possession immediately.

"Mind your business." Was sharply retorted, no hesitation.

Never mind that he'd been about half-way into a scroll-through of some of that sensitive information, concerning a certain meteor -in specific- but with any luck Ellie wasn't close enough to read much of it.

That was probably the wrong answer. Ellie was not easily cowed nor intimidated by anyone, nor had she previously been given any reason to know just how dangerous Sephiroth could be save for the stained glass mural at the Sage's temple. Suspicion was written all over her face as she narrowed her eyes. Surely he must have known how bad this looked, working in such secrecy.

And his luck wasn't all that great, with her sharp eyes. What was that about calling down a meteor to destroy an entire planet?

"Now what would a hero, beloved of the people, be so desperate to hide? Surely you are a pure shining beacon of virtue, are you not?"

If he had intentions of calling a meteor down to destroy this planet, that made him more than just a disagreeable nuisance. He was an enemy.

He could easily reach over and turn off the monitor to prevent Ellie's sharp eyes from picking up on very much more, as it was obvious she were looking; the screen being just behind his shoulder probably didn't do him any favors. But to make such a move now would only verify his apprehension over the contents of his file, certify Ellie's suspicion and essentially all but reveal that yes, he has secrets aplenty, which other Heroes -not to mention the general populace- were best of not knowing.

Certain said meteor was clearly symbolized in the shape of his crystal; though one might have to look at it from a slightly different angle to be able to see such.

Sephiroth didn't flinch a single muscle, shining eyes with pupils at their smallest slits watched Ellie's every nuance of bodily expression. But his anger was something he knew he had to quickly get a cap on, cue the deep steadying breath that followed. Having a short fuse and exploding wasn't going to mitigate anything in this situation.

"Are you?" He challenged her in reply. Significantly calmer in tone, at least.

Ellie laughed outright. The lab assistant looked decidedly uncomfortable. "Maybe we should...go..."

"If you wish," Ellie smiled at him with twinkling eyes, before turning her attention to Sephiroth. She stepped into the room, clearly at ease with testing his boundaries. How much closer would he allow her to get before he turned off the information? Would he actually allow her to read it right there in front of him?

One thing was clear -- she wasn't about to back down.

As the assistant drew attention to himself, Sephiroth's piercing eyes rested on the other man as well, until that second he moved off away from the doorway and therefore out of sight. Internally he flinched at Ellie crossing the threshold of the room, but managed, despite how it looked, to keep it from reflecting in his shoulders where the tension was starting to grow.

"What do you want?"

His nerves, once likened as having to be made of steel, didn't seem to be bending at all under Ellie's boundary-testing. To submit to allowing her to make him uncomfortable would gain her victory in this exchange and besides, it wasn't as if he could change anything about what was written there. Any more than he could change the fact that all indicators pointed to it having been in the past.

In short, he didn't like it -being as private a person as he was- but now that Ellie was there showing weakness was a worse outcome. For all he knew, after all, she might have already been through the contents of his file, in his absence.

"I haven't decided yet," she smiled casually. Honestly she wasn't sure how anything he had could be used to her advantage, especially given that there seemed to be little point in sticking to the original plans devised by her and Kupozen. But one should never leave an opportunity unsnatched, and there was always a chance that knowledge or favors could be extracted someone and prove to be of vital use in the future.

"Are you going to tell me what happened in your own words, or am I left to assume the worst from what I see in stained glass windows and computer screens?"

"If only it were as simple as all that." Sephiroth didn't even seem to blink as he kept his eye contact on Ellie, trying to figure her out. Everyone has their own agenda after all, which means there had to be a reason for her to feel the need invading his privacy like she was. Sure there hadn't been a sign on the door but it was obvious that he didn't want company while he dealt with this matter.

"That all depends on which version of the story you want."

Very quickly he glanced back at his crystal and at the monitor still displaying a page from his future-history, just to locate exactly the power button in case he felt the need to make that move.

"The true version, if you please." She flashed a saccharine smile that could in no way be miscontrued as friendly, her dark blue eyes glittering with mischief. "Otherwise what would people think once the truth came out? It will not be a pleasant experience for anybody."

Ellie wasn't sure he'd give her that truth, but perhaps if he truly had nothing to fear, there was no harm in it, surely. She tilted her head to look at him, holding his gaze for several seconds. He was just as stubborn as she was, holding his ground and refusing to let her get under his skin. Whatever response he chose, it would be interesting, and telling besides.

"I daresay that if any damage were to be done by the truth being out there, it's likely already been done."

With that Sephiroth did move to lean across the screen and turn the display off. The machine was still on, but there could be no more reading it over his shoulder. If Ellie wanted to know more, she was just going to have to rely on his testimony.

"Truth is, in short, it turns out you're right...I'm not the Hero." At least in his own story, and he hoped that Ellie would be able to take his meaning. After a few blinks more, he thought back on how she might take that and then sat back in the chair a little more; drawing a steady breath before continuing.

"But you probably gathered that from a certain stained glass window."

"I had a hunch," she shrugged. The stained glass window did seem to indicate that he wasn't the perfect shining avatar of peace and glory so many others seemed to believe he truly was. And yet, despite what this window depicted, she didn't seem afraid of him at all.

One hand rested on her hip as she gestured with the other. "Few people dumped into this world could be considered Heroes, for that matter. It is not so rare. I know many who have disputed their titles." Ellie didn't bother to say which one she was, of course, for it really didn't matter in the long run.

Her head tipped slightly toward the darkened monitor. "So if you are not this Hero, what are you?"

"Funny you should say, as it was quite the opposite for me." He referred to others' arriving in Crystallis and rebuking their title as 'Hero'. To Sephiroth, at least at the time, it had been almost expected. He'd come into this world as exactly that, after all.

"I quickly took to this whole arrangement as surely as I'd taken to any mission I'd ever been assigned. Determined to be every bit the Hero that my prior reputation had always painted me as-"

He spoke with a definite edge of bitterness, his arms creeping up to be folded across his chest as he recounted those first precious months in Crystallis. All the adjusting to the different parameters of existence here, the more-human limitations that he'd found himself lowered to, the chances at mending friendships that should never have been broken. The ache to his wrist, through repetitive-strain, which at the time he'd been certain would never go away.

"-it could not have been a crueler joke. Needless to say, I didn't get so far before...questions became apparent."

Sephiroth then searched Ellie's face, he was confident enough that he didn't need to explain exactly what questions had started as tickles to his subconscious thoughts yet over time had become inflamed and festering as facts were made clear.

"Sephiroth the Hero was a lie, from the very beginning." Hmph. It didn't quite sting as much to say that, anymore. "After all, that's not how it works. How could a Calamity spawn be in any way a Hero?"

Ellie's face was young, but hard. She didn't carry the pity or compassion that so many others did, nor could she feign such emotions. "Calamity spawn? Interesting. No, I do not think we've reached this level just yet." In fact, to her, it seemed more than a touch melodramatic.

But who was she to talk, throwing her sword at her Moogle in a fit of impotent rage?

"But it is true; we lack direction, and find only hardships that serve to further break us down. At this point, there is little left to lose." She turned her head to look back at the monitor and nodded at it. "I do not think keeping secrets will serve you well, if you want my opinion. But that's all it is. An opinion."

She wouldn't mind taking a crack at her own file. Hell, as honest and forthright as so many heroes were, she wouldn't be surprised if opening her file resulted in nothing more than a group hug.

It was the clearest way that Sephiroth could put it, to anyone who was not already familiar with how his world worked. One time long ago, he'd spent an evening describing it to Mordecai, at length, and remained convinced that what he had said to the man that time had colored all the dealings with the man since. He'd never even mentioned the circumstances around how he came into being, either.

A certain air of tension seemed to release a little as Ellie made another point. Another fair one, at that. They really were running out of things to lose, yet, Sephiroth still felt it was his right to defend that which he didn't want to be known publicly about him. Regardless of the fact that any moogle, or science worker could have logged in over the last week and read all the dirty laundry for themselves.

"I see your point of view, yet I'm sure everyone has secrets that they'd rather keep close. Even if just for their own well being...or a stubborn refusal to accept them."

Sephiroth's eyes meet the power button to the screen again. Toying with the thought of letting Ellie see what he was hiding still, and blast the consequences. Who knows, sometimes outside eyes didn't always end up hostile.

"This is true," she shrugged, her gaze straying back to the empty screen.

And sometimes people had secrets locked away about themselves that they'd give anything to regain. But that was neither here nor there. She had her own secrets that were worth keeping, so in a sense, she was a hypocrite. It was a small price to pay for curiosity, though.

She looked at Sephiroth, then followed his gaze before glancing back at him again. Was he having second thoughts? She arched a brow inquisitively, but didn't push, as she had a feeling that would definitely ensure he kept his file far, far away from her.

"...I'll read it if you wish," she offered. "The choice is yours." It wasn't as if she were going to glean anything useful from it. Her plans for upsetting the balance of Heroes were already scrapped. It was simply too late to force them to organize at this point, and it was meaningless besides if her world was already doomed to the rift due to her very presence.

Perhaps he was thinking about this all wrong. Maybe Ellie was right in this instance. He'd come back here so urgently after having learned that his file had been left open that Sephiroth hadn't stopped for much more than a beat to really -think- about the reasons he felt such a need to. He's always been a private person and would defend that right until the end; that had been enough of a reason?

There were a handful of others that he'd willingly brought in here and divulged the secrets of his life-to-be to, trust where he once had doubted there could ever be any. Not to mention the reactions he'd gotten; not one of them had been repulsed, nor thought anything shockingly different of him, knowing what he would be in the future of his world. After all, he wasn't that man now.

Maybe it really was all in his head. The weight of the secret never releasing.

After a long pause Sephiroth blew out a long sigh of tension releasing and leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as he crunched forwards and joined his hands. half in, half out at this point.

"Here goes..." He said finally and then reached up to turn the monitor back on, scooting his chair even a little further back from the desktop so she could see what he'd been reading.

"...though I'm still certain it's best if the majority of this remains locked away."

"The ones who would abuse this information likely read it long ago before you ever arrived," Ellie pointed out. As for her? She simply wanted to know. It might be useful if she ever needed leverage against him, but the way things stood now? It seemed unlikely that such an event would ever arise. The Calamity was moving too fast, and there was no point to ruling Aqures Ixen in order to better organize and mobilize its forces when everything was just a mad and desperate scramble. If anything, that would serve to do little more than distract them from stopping the Calamity if they were too busy trying to stop her.

It was all very pointless.

So she read in silence. Her opinions remained undisclosed, though occasionally she raised an eyebrow before continuing on. Identity crisis. An insanely powerful alien mother that could exist without a head. Ruthlessly impaling a flower girl (though if she was an Ancient like the ones of this world, could he truly be blamed?). Well. That explained the stained glass window to be sure.

When she'd finished, she respectfully closed the file window and stood back, touching her chin in silent contemplation. "Interesting, if a bit convoluted." Ellie dropped her hand and looked back at Sephiroth. "I assume you were drawn here from a point fairly early on in this...history."

Also a true enough fact that Sephiroth had stuck right at the front of his mind all the way from the airship dock to the laboratory. But to think there might be individuals so inclined as to react in such a way, presuming the rumor had somehow gotten around, makes a vast hollowness quickly swell from somewhere in the back of his conscious thoughts. How people could use the information that was within his file, and what it might be interpreted to imply, to somehow gain an edge over him --or worse potentially manipulate him-- Sephiroth didn't want to think about.

As Ellie read, Sephiroth's eyes flicked intermittently from her face to the screen and back again more than a few times. Trying to get a read on which parts were triggering a reaction, what reaction exactly and what she's thinking. Of course, Ellis was perfectly in control of her own expression, so he only picked up on the brief spikes to her eyebrows on occasion.

He didn't want to seem like he was watching too intently, and so was able to judge -just about- when she was coming to the end and so averted his gaze down towards the floor. Arms had crept up into being folded over his chest again, in the meantime. Sephiroth didn't want to seem impatient, but habits die hard.

"That's correct." He answered her query cleanly, sitting back up straight in the chair and reaching with his hand nearest the desk for the blue crystal that he'd left nearby. History indeed, as far as his own reckoning, with regards to all of the events in all of their worlds being chronologically behind Crystallis. The smooth orb-half of it's shape always did sit smoothly in his hand. Sephiroth brought it in closer to his middle.

"I'd always known that I was a more...complicated than most." His eyes drop to his crystal as he turned it idly around in his hands. "Not by any stretch of my imagination could I have imagined the truth as it stands."

"Of course," she agreed, crooking her finger to touch a knuckle to her chin instead, which she tapped a few times as she studied the crystal he held. It was dangerous to leave it so exposed, far more dangerous than exposing his file. Did he know this? Or was he simply testing her, to see what she would do if he held his very life in the palm of his hand...vulnerable, and exposed? "I would harbor doubts if it were me. But you have witnesses from a future point in your world who can verify this truth. Their names. I recognized them."

Some of them, at least. Others she'd only noted as having been previously summoned; beyond that, she hadn't read too deeply into the identities of Angeal, Genesis, Tifa, or Aerith, nor any of the others, beyond what Sephiroth's personal file contained.

A few more taps, then she dropped her hand to her side as she regarded him with a shrewd sort of half-squint. "What changed your mind? Why did you choose to show me this?"

"You look a little pale. Did you need some water or something?"

Selen approaches him. It's been a while since she last saw him but not nearly as long as other times. She had a concerned look on her face, when she caught sight of him. He looked a little agitated if not angry at something.

Perhaps, it was with something that she had caught with her own eyes. She didn't say anything after reading the material that was left here, but it wasn't intentional that she read it either. She got curious and she wanted to understand him more. Despite all of that she didn't seem to treat him differently at all.

In fact, it she was pretty concerned that this might hurt him more than anything.

A handful of hair was brushed through fingers and Sephiroth was half way through a pass of a similar motion when Selen approached. He froze, with his head tilted to one side, one elbow on the desk before him. The initial spike of anger which might have flared up at being disturbed from his very-important task was quickly cooled as he recognized Selen's voice first and then laid eyes on her to verify. Finally he dropped his hand from his head and sat a little straighter in his chair.

That said, he still couldn't keep eye contact with her for very long, much like all of those that he'd embarrassed himself in front of one night not so very long ago. The edges of his eyes softened a little, fleetingly, but then Sephiroth dragged his gaze back to the screen.

"I don't think that water and this equipment would be a very good mix."

A quick flick of his wrist and the screen returns to the 'overview' page; at least if Selen hadn't read through the unspeakable acts he'd probably already committed she wouldn't be able to spy them from the front screen.

"I could put it in a bottle if necessary."

She replied with a small smile. Surely, he didn't think that she would judge him for what happened that night did he? Well, that's probably not a question that needs an answer to. Sephiroth was Sephiroth. Selen knew that and while she didn't hold anything against him, she was certain he still felt that it was awkward between them. She would very much like to tell him that things are okay and he didn't have to worry about anything for the time being, really.

However, it's not like that will be taken well.

"Seems like you're working pretty hard with something. I'm curious to know what it is though if you would rather not say, I'll drop it."

He seemed well enough and if anything she'll try to strike a small conversation with him before letting him be.

Sephiroth thought that the equivalent to the whole world and then some would judge him for the events of that night when he'd ended up in a vomit-stained alleyway due to his own incapability, it seemed, to know when to call it quits and go home. The experience, the details of which were much sharper towards the end of the evening, was something he'd not be able to make himself forget for a while either.

Should've remembered the fight he and Genesis had gotten into when last he'd touched the stuff. It was an insult, or something, to the memory of his friend, having completely forgotten.

He glanced to where he'd laid his crystal, with its chip missing now, on the top of the desk next to the monitor but soon turned back to taking his usual long careful glance over Selen. Trying to guess her real intention here, almost as if he were expecting there had to be some other reason. There always was, after all.

"Well," Having reached the conclusion that whatever Selen might have already now learned about him probably was only going to underline the issues he'd had that drunken night, Sephiroth didn't seem to try and hide it. He would, however, try to keep this as brief as possible. Not a definitive rebuff, but there are other defenses he could use.

"It turns out my file slipped open, somehow...so I'm going to get it locked off again."

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#16 | Can't undo the past

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