Shadows Growing In My Mind

[acceptedoblivion]

Characters: Riku Replica (Ira) and anyone who is willing to help him out
Where: Aqures Ixen, eventually Palitutu's Lab
When: November 10th
Summary: (1) A very distressed moogle looks for Ira's closest friends. (2) Some things were better left unsaid, but Calamity Self gives less of a [KUPO!] than he himself does.
Warnings: Self-harm; mentions of physical and psychological horror/torture, death, murder, assisted suicide, and general Cloning Blues.

1. Ones I Just Can't Leave Behind...
Lin is very much in the midst of a panic this morning, having promised Ira she would meet him later after he finished his shift at the store. To be honest, she wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, she knows how much he prefers his privacy. On the other, she knew just how dangerous what he was going to do was to face alone.

"Oh, what to do, what to do, kupo?!" She paced back and forth in the living room, before a few more worried kupos escaped her. No, she- she couldn't keep her promise not to tell the others. Not when there was a chance he couldn't do it! So, she sped off as fast her tiny wings would carry could to find someone--anyone she knew he could trust. Upon finding someone, she'd likely barrel right into them sobbing. "Y-you gotta help, kupo! He- Ira's going to-!"

Breathe, Lin. Breathe.

2. I'm One of the Forgotten

"You're sure about this, kupo...?" Lin asked, holding onto Ira's crystal so delicately that she was afraid it would break if she so much as breathed on it. Yet when Ira nodded, her tiny heart seemed to stop for a food ten seconds as she fluttered in place, looking down at the crystal before nodding back. "Right..."

And before either of them could hold it off any longer, she did as bade, handing it to the other Moogles who worked at the lab. Ira himself couldn't see what they were doing to it, but his soon blood ran cold as his Dark Mode went inactive, Red Mage being the only remaining Job active as the shadows seemed to come alive in front of him, only to deposit someone who looked exactly like- Well, any Riku really.

"Surprised?" the Calamity Ira asked, a cruel but emotionless smirk crossing his lips. "I guess you wouldn't be. After all, it was you who thought it was a smart idea to face me alone." Purple eyes gleam in the light of the lab, a humorless chuckle escaping him. "Except you didn't. You knew all along that little Lin here would seek help from your 'friends'. The goody two shoes were always so easy to manipulate, even for a broken toy like us. Isn't that right, me?"

"You're-"

"So you're going to deny that, even after all the studying Cid had you do?" It's voice remained as calm and menacing as ever, as it took a few steps closer. "If I had a heart that wasn't shattered into bits, this would be where I died of laughter, Fake Me."

Ira glared, already lowering into a defensive stance as his fists clenched. "Last time I checked, you were the Shadow, not-"

"'So long as you exist, I'll be nothing more then a shadow.' Those were the words you spoke to the real deal, wasn't it?" It laughed at him, at the moogle who fluttered in front of him, defensively now. "No, if anything, you are the one, who is naught but a twisted shade of what you were supposed to be. A puppet who tried to cut his own strings, be his own person, but just couldn't shake off the shackles at your feet. The chains binding that empty heart of yours. And what's this? Now your own little puppet wants to defend you? How can you ever do that, Lin? Or rather, would you want to, knowing what he's done? The blood on our hands?"

The moogle puffs her chest, arms held out wide as a shield. S-she had to buy time, for others to get there and reassure her Hero!

Comments

[enter_the_darkness]

It wasn't something he was used to seeing -- that Moogle had been one seriously distressed fuzzball.

At first, he had just turned away, ready to swat at her the same way he always swatted at Plena. But... Ira. That name was one he'd heard before, and even as he tried to play it off, he couldn't quite hide the way his expression softened. So, as short as he kept it, he made sure to figure out exactly what was going on...

What a pain.

There he was, though. He was hanging back, watching the whole thing unfold from what looked to be the beginning. He actually wasn't sure how much good he would be able to do; the situation with his own Shadow hadn't been resolved until he managed to accept everything he was. A heavy exhale escaped, and he finally walked closer, quietly standing next to Ira, "They really do talk too much..."

One hand slid into his pocket as he gave a sideways glance to the Ira that didn't have those stupid, purple eyes. In spite of his every effort being poured into the annoyed expression he wore, there wasn't as much irritation as he'd liked in his voice as he spoke. Guess... having a guy see you at your absolute worst changed a few things, after all.

"Stop acting like you haven't already witnessed this song and dance, idiot." You're stronger than this, you're gonna be fine, cheer up, yadda yadda, etc...

[redigere]

After sending Elmina off with a note to Sora, Naminé had tried to get to the lab as fast as she could. Her fast is hardly fast at all, though, so when she arrives she's agitated but not surprised to see that Ira has already started speaking with his Calamity self. She is surprised to see Vanitas here.

Isn't surprised by the fact that she shattered Ira's heart came up into the conversation already.

Naminé lets out a low breath, and steps in front of Lin. She doesn't deserve to be spoken to that way, doesn't deserve to get dragged into this Hero of Light business any more than she needs to be.

"Leave Lin alone."

[umslay]

Ales had been in the building since that morning, as he was planning to confront his Shadow once he was finished reading through one more encryption file. The plan was to deal with the Calamity Self as soon as he could, but once he was certain he could reward himself with a nap at his house.

Mimi was the first to see Lin sobbing, and after joining her for a minute, alerted Ales to the situation. He calmly accepted and followed the Moogles to the lab. Seeing another Hero do it first was worth the break from work.

The small blue Teensie draped in dark robes leaned against a wall as the scene unfolded in front of him, his Moogle having found safely outside the room. Ira had blood on his hands. Good for him. Ales did as well, and he was better for coming to terms with his ruthlessness. It was a good quality to have.

He crossed his arms and turned his hard gaze to the Shadow, silently wishing luck for Ira.

[acceptedoblivion]

"As if it would let me finish..." he nearly growled, but repressed it as he looked between Lin, who seemed to be hiding her hurt feelings, and the others who'd just arrived. Well, the other him definitely got that right--he had hoped that the others would find him, maybe. A little regret may have crossed his expression when he heard Naminé speak, though. She and Vanitas had just gotten here, for all they knew.

"It's alright, Naminé," Lin began, looking back briefly with a faint smile. "I... made a promise to Sora and Xion, that I'd protect him, too, kupo. Even if it means from himself!"


"Lin..." Ira began to protest, but was drowned out by the Shadow.

"Of course she did. Even after she'd read our file, or perhaps she needs a friendly reminder of just what you've done." The grin it gives just does not belong on any face that looks like Riku's, as it takes yet another step forward, pointing at the mess of Heroes and moogle. "Not even a second chance was enough for you. You had to be the only true survivor of the destruction of our worlds, and in a rage for your continued existence, you killed yourself over and over again, despite other versions of those close to us trying to stop you. Even our sister, who you distanced ourselves with 'to protect her' from the monster you decided to side with until the very end.

"'I'll show you what it means to manipulate the Dark.' 'No; you followed his paths right to the scientist he placed "in charge"... and then to me.' 'I'll do whatever it takes to protect them from him.' Which of these sounds more right, I wonder? You tell me, double agent."

"Of course, that would mean you knew in the first place. All that exists in that soul of yours are lies and illusions. The sins you just couldn't ever shake. So you lie, kill and cheated your way into both sides as they both fought for a freedom that'll never come, now. All because you were summoned here. Again. At least it means Xehanort will never get his way, right?

"Truth is, they can all rot for what we care. You discarded them already, just like you did the real feelings of the girl behind you. You'd much rather welcome an oblivion that refuses to accept you."

Ira's fists clenched tight throughout the entirety of the Calamity Self's speech, letting him talk. Yet as it continued, he found himself walking straight to it, and unless stopped, punches it with everything he's got.

"So what if death refused me? If I'm a replica and will always be one?! I know that... I always knew that!" No matter what he did, what he said, he'd always be like Riku and it continued to tear him up inside. Even the real promises he made wouldn't change this simple truth. "That's no reason to attack those who actually care."

Or, at least he hopes so. "Then where is she, huh? The girl you promised to drag yourself out of the darkness-blanketed realm of sleep? Talk about one-sided friendship."

Okay, yeah, he actually winced at that one.

[sesenta]

[Akane might not know too much just yet about what they can expect to see. The things one keeps repressed because they're too painful to bear... That's what the Sage mentioned. This is her first time seeing it, though. What she does know is that Ira accepted her when she felt completely wretched. He hadn't even hesitated. So if she can help him, she will.]

[...And he just punched his own Shadow. That wasn't something she could have predicted! Is it wrong to be a little impressed?]

Want me to hold his arms? Then you can punch his face all you want!

[She's kidding. ...Probably.]

[In truth, she's trying not to let him get too sucked into what his Shadow is saying, since he seems to be getting provoked and worked up into anger. So if she says something dumb, well...maybe it'll help shake him out of it, she hopes.]

But...even if you beat it to a pulp...that won't really count as accepting it, right? So hang in there! No matter what it says about you, I'm still happy we met!

[skyofreverie]

He had taken one look at Namine's Moogle and rushed to the lab - no words were really needed. Not after Ira had told him about these Calamity Selves that were so like the Shadows from his days in the Facility. Everyone had their burdens to bear, some carried heavier ones but all of them would have to face the parts of them that they didn't like. More than just face them - they'd have to accept them. Something not easily done. So he hadn't hesitated when Elmina appeared with a note from Naminé and he managed to get there just as his name is mentioned.

Honestly he isn't surprised to hear it coming from Lin. He'd never made the Moogle promise anything so there was another Sora (maybe even the real one) that Ira knew. No one looked hurt as of yet so he doesn't waste a healing spell.

Instead he stepped up to stand next to Ira. Sora was the one with the most experience in dealing with this sort of thing. All of what's being said doesn't hurt him, not like it's doing to Ira. It made him mad, protective even though they've technically only just met days ago. He doesn't know what all Ira has been through but he can understand it.

"We don't care. We don't care that he's a replica. Ira is Ira. Someone capable of living his own life no matter who he might look like." Sora shrugged casually. "He showed that when he started making decisions for himself. Just because he's like Riku doesn't mean he can't also be his own person."

Taking on a different name, making choices about his fate -- all of it and surely more were what made Ira unique.

"He may have been manipulated by Xehanort but we all have. We aren't holding that against him. None of us are perfect, we stumble and make mistakes as we try to figure out who we are - who we want to be. Attack us all you want with your words but nothing you say is gonna make us abandon him. Sorry but you're just gonna have to get used to that fact." That isn't only directed at the Shadow. "'Cuz that's what real friends do. They fight for each other, especially if that friend can't drag themselves out of the darkness all alone."

ones i just can't leave behind

[redigere]

Naminé is walking back into the house after some time outside. She's definitely not anywhere close to fighting fit, so to fix that, she's starting off easy with a little running to get used to the idea of exercise. Sweat is dripping off of her in buckets, and first instinct is to gently pull Lin away so she doesn't get a noseful of how she smells-- but when Ira's name reaches her ears, she tenses.

"Lin, calm down," she murmurs, trying to hide the anxiety in her voice, and gently hugs the Moogle. Even with the handful of days she's been in this new world, she knows Lin cares deeply for Ira. It's heartening to know the two of them are good friends, and it's no lie to say that Naminé would do anything for Lin just as much as she'd do anything for Ira.

"Tell me from the beginning. What is Ira going to do?"

[acceptedoblivion]

As though Lin would care, probably being just as smelly right now as she has been dashing this way and that, looking for people to help. After all, she only has a small idea about who he was before... and his more than hoping that the newly-arrived Hero will be able to help with that.

"He-he's going to face his shadow alone, kupo!" she nearly blurts out, clinging to Naminé as she sobs. "I told him to trust his research and wait for you and his other friends, but.... ku-kupo...!"

Why? Why does he never listen, kupo?

[redigere]

"Alone? Oh Ira, no..." Still keeping an arm wrapped around Lin, Naminé grabs a slip of paper and a pencil from the coffee table nearby, writing quickly and trying to think over the rapid-fire beat of her new heart.

Sora, Ira left for the lab to face his Calamity self alone. Please hurry.

--Naminé

Elmina wordlessly takes the note, nodding and whispering "be careful, kupo!" before zipping off. Naminé turns her attention back to her friend's distraught Moogle. She strokes her hands over her fur, her voice soft and gentle.

"Lin, it's okay. We're not going to let him do this alone. But I think you should get there first. You know the way, so go be with him. Sora and I will be right behind you."

[acceptedoblivion]

"Okay, kupo. I-I need to find Miss Saori still though, so..." That's right. Saori had seen it--the place Ira came from. Even acted as a surrogate mother, even if the two didn't realize it. She squeezes Naminé one last time as she nodded, pushing away. "I'll see you there, kupo!"

With that, she'll speed off. First in the direction of the Space Saloon, then the labs.

Left Behind, but still here to help

[not_most_days]

The Assassin was just out for a walk, mingling with the crowd and just listening to the mood of the people and any rumors in the air. Feeling the soft paff of a moogle flying into her, Mary first expects it's Bonnie but then is surprised to see a different moogle entirely. And as she processes that information the name that Lin mentioned rolled to the front of her thoughts.

"Now take a breath there. What's Ira done? Is he in trouble?" She glanced around, looking for Bonnie. She already could tell that they'd need to get ahold of Saori. But then the first thing to do would be to suss out where she was right now. The flower shop? With the moogles promoting the holidays? Out shopping? At Home? She and Bonnie would likely have to split up to find her fast enough to be of help.

[acceptedoblivion]

"He's going to face his Calamity half alone, kupo...!" She said in her panic, though she did attempt to breathe. However she knows how they're mortal now, and how much he is a dumb butt sometimes. "I told him to trust himself and his friends, but he- he refused to listen to me, kupo! He said something about not wanting people to see him like that and left..."

She's at a complete loss of what to do, unable to find Saori herself.

[needsteaplz]

The loud "KWEH!" of Chocobo from behind would interrupt both Mary and Lin's train of thought.

"Mary, Lin?" Up on the Chocobo's saddle, sat Saori with several sidepacks filled to the brim. Apparently she was getting some last minute ingredients to the Space Saloon. "What's going on?"

[not_most_days]

Mary cursed under her breath. She'd guessed a fair few of the Heroes would try to do this; try to see to their Shadows on their lonesome for one reason or another. She couldn't blame them entirely, but considering their situation and the risk involved it was still a damn foolish thing to do.

"Alright, you go back and mind him, I'll go find-" The bubble of fear and stress popped as she heard the voice behind her. Serendipity was a lovely thing when it deigned to play nicely. "Saori, you need to get to the lab right now. Ira's decided to go it alone." A few seconds earlier and she might have heard the moogle say it herself. Regardless, there's no time to waste on the little details.

[acceptedoblivion]

Lin was very reluctant to let go of Mary, but she nodded in understanding. She needed to go find a few of the others too, she figured. From what she read on his file, his Shadow would be a doozy if he refused to accept it.

The relief she feels when she sees Saori is evident on her fluffy face as she concurs with Mary. "I can fill you in on the way, Miss Saori! W-we have to hurry, kupo!"

[needsteaplz]

"That idiot...!" Saori grit her teeth as she jumped down from Raku. "Mary, can you take Raku to the Space Saloon to drop off the goods? Tell the staff I may take the rest of the day off but I'll send a letter if anything changes."

She gives Mary a peck on the cheek before leaving. "Lead the way, Lin. That idiot...no one should be facing their Shadow alone! Especially him of all people." She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she loses Ira. It would be like...no, it won't be like losing her little brother.

Post-Confrontation

[acceptedoblivion]

So much happened at once, and part of him wanted to be alone to digest what all his Shadow said. A bigger part of him, however, felt the exact opposite. Still, he led the way to a nearby cafe. Hot chocolate would probably help... maybe. He wasn't entirely sure. Especially with anyone who followed from the lab.

[ooc: This top comment is for anyone who wants to interact with him after the Shadow confrontation, whether they were present for it or not. This could either be the same day, or anytime in November. If later, feel free to spot him wandering around AI!]

Same day! Open to one or two others to have followed? :3c I'm game for whatever!

[enter_the_darkness]

While he'd initially felt compelled to just... wander off on his own, the stronger part of him won out -- the part of him that wanted to ask questions about what he'd seen, he'd heard, he'd... witnessed in general, honestly. While he was annoyed with some of the realizations he'd been having lately, he was actually too tired to fight against them. Not that he wasn't aware by that point, just how stupid it was to do. No need to have the Calamity Vanitas popping back in to do more than just say "hi."

But, whatever. So some part of him kind of... maybe... sort of wanted to hang around Ira for more than just the questions. Not like he had to admit that to Ira, or anything. The café was a nice change of pace, and he glanced around with briefly open curiosity. It wasn't a place he'd been to before, so he didn't know the first thing about their menu.

[redigere]

Naminé lingers behind the rest of them, a brief look of worry crossing her face as she wonders where Sora has gotten off to. Some of the things he'd said during Ira's trial were concerning for a variety of reasons, and she wanted to talk to him about it...but if he wanted to be alone instead then she'd have to respect that.

For now, she turns her attention to Ira, who looks absolutely exhausted. Calamity selves are one thing, but this kind of problem is much more tangible, something she can help fix with her hands and not her clumsy words. Once he's seated, she unclasps her White Mage's cloak from around her neck, setting it across his shoulders before she heads off to order a round of hot chocolates, coffees, and teas. Elmina helps to distribute them once they're ready, and once Ira and everyone else has been taken care of, Naminé settles into a nearby seat with a mug of tea for herself.

She'll wait for him to talk first. There's little else she feels is appropriate to do at the moment, aside from what she's already done.

[acceptedoblivion]

He almost looked surprised when he felt the cloak rest upon his shoulders (also tried to ignore how it smelled), looking up and following Naminé with his gaze as he sat there silently, almost as if trying to register that yes, all of that indeed just happened. Though in all honesty, he's most surprised by the presence of another who had followed.

Once she's sat back down and drinks distributed, he simply stared at the steam swirling off the surface of his drink instead of reaching for it just yet.

"I don't know where to start," he finally admitted, hands clasped in his lap as his eyes narrowed. He knew he at least owed Naminé an explanation, though he could almost sense Vanitas' curiosity.

Engaging fuzzy time to put the Assassin Meeting before this

[not_most_days]

Mary was waiting when the others emerged from the room where the Shadow experiments were being conducted. The pirate was busy leaning over a console with an array of monitors, her brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of everything she was seeing. This modern technology wasn't completely incomprehensible to her at this point, but it was still confounding. A look of relief came over her as she saw everyone, but particularly Saori and Ira, appeared to be hale and hearty.

"I apologize. I got here a while ago but I expected it best not to disturb you in case my sudden arrival lead to more problems than good." Still, she felt a little bad for missing it. "But it seems all went well. Good on you, Ira."

Works for me!

[acceptedoblivion]

After telling Namine and the others he'd catch up, he approached her.

"If it makes you feel better, didn't miss much." Despite being exhausted emotionally, he spared Mary a faint smile. "I had an idea of what to expect, thanks to Cid assigning me to the group studying Jungian philosophy terms. Not that it didn't stop me from trying to punch it once or twice..."

Something he was rather ashamed about, having hoped that after all this time, he'd have curbed his anger somewhat... But he was grateful for Cid's foresight, and that he had an idea of what to expect previously from reading back on the network of the Tower once when he was bored months ago. Granted this was much different than what was transcribed in those old records, but still. Tilting his head, he almost chuckled. "Hard to fully grasp still, isn't it?"

It wasn't the first time he'd seen someone trying to figure out what was on the strange bit of glass and such, after all.

Re: Works for me!

[not_most_days]

"Jungian" was a term that postdated Mary's era, but she offered Ira a nod anyway. Regardless of the word's origin she was glad it proved to be useful to him and that it kept him safe.

"Aye, it is a touch. I've yet to consider facing my own. I'm not even sure what to expect. Much of what has been on my mind as of late I've discussed with you all at our last meeting." She frowned, looking away as she tried to mine her thoughts for any clue or inkling. She wasn't perfect, but there was a difference between her secrets and what she denied.

Her eyes rose back to Ira and she tried to move the matter along, "In any case, good job on your victory. Actually there's something I wanted to discuss with you and now seems as good a time as any. Mind joining me on the roof?"

[acceptedoblivion]

"It's more what we keep from ourselves. Whether it's to protect ourselves, or others.... It'd be hell of a lot easier if it was that simple, though." Maybe later he could go into better detail on what she would be likely to face. Instead, he straightened his back, nodding once.

"Lead the way."

[not_most_days]

"Few things in this world worth pursuing are simple. As I once said to a friend, 'wanting for an easy life can cause the most pain.'"

With all the work that the Heroes did at this lab, not to mention for the city, getting roof access wasn't even a thing they'd have to work for. And still Mary took more of a careful way about it, looking around before opening the door to the stairs and then onward to the roof. There was no explicit need to be secretive but she preferred it. Especially for the topic on her mind.

Up on the roof, the cool fall wind blew by, heedless of the pair. Mary walked a long loop, thinking things over while also making sure they were alone. Both habit and good practice. Finally, she came back around to Riku and pulled up her sleeve, showing the hidden blade. "You said you weren't familiar with those names, but what of this? Is this familiar to you at all?"

She'd given the two 'extra' ones she'd aquired to Reno and Saori, and she'd seen to having others made for their agents and operatives, but that's not quite what she meant.