Shadows Growing In My Mind

[acceptedoblivion]

Characters: Riku Replica (Ira) and anyone who is willing to help him out
Where: Aqures Ixen, eventually Palitutu's Lab
When: November 10th
Summary: (1) A very distressed moogle looks for Ira's closest friends. (2) Some things were better left unsaid, but Calamity Self gives less of a [KUPO!] than he himself does.
Warnings: Self-harm; mentions of physical and psychological horror/torture, death, murder, assisted suicide, and general Cloning Blues.

1. Ones I Just Can't Leave Behind...
Lin is very much in the midst of a panic this morning, having promised Ira she would meet him later after he finished his shift at the store. To be honest, she wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, she knows how much he prefers his privacy. On the other, she knew just how dangerous what he was going to do was to face alone.

"Oh, what to do, what to do, kupo?!" She paced back and forth in the living room, before a few more worried kupos escaped her. No, she- she couldn't keep her promise not to tell the others. Not when there was a chance he couldn't do it! So, she sped off as fast her tiny wings would carry could to find someone--anyone she knew he could trust. Upon finding someone, she'd likely barrel right into them sobbing. "Y-you gotta help, kupo! He- Ira's going to-!"

Breathe, Lin. Breathe.

2. I'm One of the Forgotten

"You're sure about this, kupo...?" Lin asked, holding onto Ira's crystal so delicately that she was afraid it would break if she so much as breathed on it. Yet when Ira nodded, her tiny heart seemed to stop for a food ten seconds as she fluttered in place, looking down at the crystal before nodding back. "Right..."

And before either of them could hold it off any longer, she did as bade, handing it to the other Moogles who worked at the lab. Ira himself couldn't see what they were doing to it, but his soon blood ran cold as his Dark Mode went inactive, Red Mage being the only remaining Job active as the shadows seemed to come alive in front of him, only to deposit someone who looked exactly like- Well, any Riku really.

"Surprised?" the Calamity Ira asked, a cruel but emotionless smirk crossing his lips. "I guess you wouldn't be. After all, it was you who thought it was a smart idea to face me alone." Purple eyes gleam in the light of the lab, a humorless chuckle escaping him. "Except you didn't. You knew all along that little Lin here would seek help from your 'friends'. The goody two shoes were always so easy to manipulate, even for a broken toy like us. Isn't that right, me?"

"You're-"

"So you're going to deny that, even after all the studying Cid had you do?" It's voice remained as calm and menacing as ever, as it took a few steps closer. "If I had a heart that wasn't shattered into bits, this would be where I died of laughter, Fake Me."

Ira glared, already lowering into a defensive stance as his fists clenched. "Last time I checked, you were the Shadow, not-"

"'So long as you exist, I'll be nothing more then a shadow.' Those were the words you spoke to the real deal, wasn't it?" It laughed at him, at the moogle who fluttered in front of him, defensively now. "No, if anything, you are the one, who is naught but a twisted shade of what you were supposed to be. A puppet who tried to cut his own strings, be his own person, but just couldn't shake off the shackles at your feet. The chains binding that empty heart of yours. And what's this? Now your own little puppet wants to defend you? How can you ever do that, Lin? Or rather, would you want to, knowing what he's done? The blood on our hands?"

The moogle puffs her chest, arms held out wide as a shield. S-she had to buy time, for others to get there and reassure her Hero!

Comments

[needsteaplz]

[Saori burst in at the last minute onto the scene. She maybe a bit out of breath but she stands tall. Of course she was angry at Ira for trying to do this solo but that scolding would have to wait.]

He's not alone and I sure as hell won't let him die. As for that void of isolation, I understand that emptiness all to well. It's easy to let it swallow you and think only you can find your way out but that's far from the truth.

Yes, I knew what your name meant, but you've grown so much since I've met you here, Ira. When we were housemates, having you, Ven, and Meredy around made me look forward to coming home.

[sesenta]

[Akane doesn't know Ira that well. In fact she's starting to feel a little out of place. But his easy acceptance of her when she needed it so much created a desire to be here and support him. It sounds like he still isn't quite managing to balance his feelings. Clearly he needs more encouragement!]

Don't let your Shadow antagonize you! Remember what we studied, Ira. It's just a side of you that you've been repressing for a long time. You don't need to agree with it...just realize that it exists. It's okay if you're not perfect. None of us are.

[She looks down at her own hands and sighs. No, not a single one of them can even come close.]

It just wants to be accepted. You can do it.

[acceptedoblivion]

Akane's words get Ira to pause. That's right, they did discover that much in their writing, but... so far he's only said things that others didn't know. If anything, he's only been egging on his own Shadow in the only way he knew how--to really get to the heart of the matter. Something that seems to work, as the other him speaks up as well.

"Acceptance, is that what I truly desire?" It asked, looking directly at Akane with its cold, violet eyes. "No, that's not it at all. What I want... is to be remembered."

This stopped Ira in his tracks, dumbfounded even as he hears it himself. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, as if something switched off his initial rage at what the Calamity self had previously said. If anything, he's perplexed and anxious.

"We... were proud, once." It explained, right hand raised to it's chest while it's gaze drops, as if saddened by the mere recollection. "Had a purpose--a destiny only we could have. But all of that was taken away with a flash of lightning, and the shell of what remained in the blink of an eye. Lost to false memories, and then... to her."

It doesn't take him long to realize what it meant by "her", but... the flash of lightning? "...Ruana."

"That's right. Ruana, the girl who destroyed countless worlds to play puppetmaster. The girl we'll never be able to give comeuppance to." It looked away from the others gathered and to his feet, as if it were a small child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "For the longest time all you craved was vengeance. To give her every painful memory, every death the Tower had given you back to her and the other Admins tenfold. Frankly, I'm tired of it all."

"What I want... is for it to all end." This time, it looked to Saori. "Don't you see yet? This is why we faced the other Sora last Halloween. We wanted to feel like we had a purpose again, even if it was more likely that we would die buying Ventus time to escape than survive with a few bruised ribs."

[deadlyvu]

Late...latelatelatelate and Lydia would be cursing herself for this later. Especially since she had delayed only to do something so very very stupid. Switching her jobs out, leaving her as a Dragoon and Scholar. A very beginning Dragoon, and scholar was hardly the best for combat.

Huffing as she came into the room, dark eyes flying from one person to another, and watching the two Ira's. One with purple eyes...and she made a bee-line for the other. Knowing her friend in a heartbeat; he'd seen her weak already, promised her--and she wasn't loosing anyone else with out a fight.

Latching on to Ira, the non-shadow Ira, arms around his waist and holding tight in a hug. "Whatever you're facing, you're not alone." Whispered and fierce.

[umslay]

"Then find another purpose, one that's worth fighting for." Ales let his hands rest at his sides and approached the two replicas. "Use that anger on something productive and learn from your mistakes."

He understood. Wanting a purpose, wanting to be remembered...but to him, he wanted to change the world. There was nothing more satisfying than the thought of his frustration at society being put into good use despite others' qualms. Ira had a lot of potential in that rage.

"But you..."

He didn't know what to say. The feeling of emptiness? Ales was certain he never felt like that, but he did fall silent.

There was little time to ruminate over his feelings before Lydia burst into the room. Ales shot his head up, only to see her appear right by Ira. Hugging Ira. Ales looked at the other Heroes in silent questioning.

[skyofreverie]

"Xehanort - Evil Alliance... same thing." It still applies no matter what name gets slapped on to it. "No one wakes up one day and is suddenly a hero, that's not how it works. We all make mistakes trying to do the right thing but so long as we don't ever give up - we can still become heroes."

There is so much he doesn't know about this person now facing down his Shadow. It's the first time they've crossed paths even though in another life they've stood face-to-face. They stood in the castle of white as enemies and yelled at each other and their blades clashed so many times. And then again in the facility of white they weren't enemies, had the chance to become friends. Somewhere else Ira probably met him again too. Maybe multiple times. Now they're both here.

He knew how it felt to be forgotten over and over again, to become tired. Letting it end sometimes seemed the nicest act. But it isn't.

"I'll remember. I know that... my head's pretty messed up by everything I've been through. And that I may never remember what happened in Castle Oblivion but that doesn't mean I've forgotten you completely! You exist inside of me and I'm just like you." Maybe no one else will pick up on the significance of those last few words but Ira will. Ira and Namine too. He wasn't the real Sora - wasn't the one who'd traveled to all those worlds looking for his friends, wasn't the one who'd met both of them. Every interaction Ira had with him was theirs - moments between two replicas of the originals.

Sora motioned to everyone inside the room now. "You're going to exist inside of all these people somewhere too! You're not the only one searching for a purpose beyond their lifespan. And you're not gonna have to do it alone."

[redigere]

Naminé reaches out to squeeze Sora's hand in hers, drawing strength from his words even as she suspects that there's another heavy conversation to be had after this one with Ira. She takes a deep breath. Draws even more courage from the fact that whoever this girl that just appeared is, she's close enough to her friend that he doesn't mind her hugging him. That's one more precious person, isn't it? One more precious person that is linked to him, irreplaceable, who won't forget him.

She gives Ira a small, hopeful smile.

"You know as well as I do how finicky memories are. But they're never gone. Whether they're your memories or someone else's, the feelings behind them will remain, no matter how buried deep in the darkness they are.

It doesn't have to be anger. That sense of purpose you had before, you can find that again, too. It just takes time. More time than we'd like, maybe. But it will come."

Her voice gets soft.

"If you're tired, let us help you. Nothing ever has to be just your burden to bear. Don't wish for an end, Ira. We'll figure everything out together. You and me and Sora and all the friends here for you now. And all the friends you've made before, too. Don't let their memories slip away just like that."

[enter_the_darkness]

He feels really out of place, here. All these people are here to actually encourage Ira. To make him feel better. Tch... as if he knows the first thing about that kind of thing. The mention of Ventus has him falling quiet for a long while; he really was here...

Anger swells in his chest for a moment, but he bites it back and forces himself to focus on something else entirely. Something like--... He just focuses on Ira, himself. Something else stands out, and he responds without entirely thinking it over, "If it really was your destiny and "purpose," it wouldn't have been possible to take away, idiot. By definition, destiny is something that'll definitely happen, no matter if you want it to, or not."

Well, if he's going to be here, he might as well say something. Maybe. He gives a huff-like sigh, scrubbing a hand through his hair. His next words are practically grumbled, "If you really wanna believe in crap like destinies, just make your own. If you want a purpose in life, find one. It's stupid to just stand around and focus on the past, if it bothers you this much. These idiots obviously care about you, in spite of all that. They're your friends, right? Aren't friends supposed to... lean against each other, or whatever?"

[neverfirstclass]

Cloud nodded, smiling as the mood of the room turned, crossing his arms his posture shifted to something more casual. His question before of whether Ira had done everything he could had meant to be rhetorical. He believed that Ira would have because that's the sort of person he seems to be. Not the sort to only go halfway and regret it later. Even if what he chose to do didn't turn out the way he wanted, Cloud felt that Ira was the sort of person to go at it with all his strength and through to the end unless something stopped him.

"Wanting to have a destiny or be a hero is pretty normal. Everyone wants that. You want to make your mark and be remembered. You want to be something more than just some fleeting person in the background. It's not easy and it doesn't work out for everyone, least of all as anyone plans, but you're not a failure if that's how it all turns out."

He glanced over at Namine, curious about her talk of memories, something to ask about later, but he agreed with her here. "I'll remember you. Not because of your past or because you're a Hero, but because you're my friend...But let's be honest, you're a pretty badass Hero too." He chuckled and jabbed his thumb at his heart, "Even if something happens and I lose my memories, I'll still have you here. And maybe we can prevent that entirely if we keep fighting back against those puppeteers, right? I don't believe you're ready to leave the stage just yet, no matter how hopeless things might look sometimes."


(ooc: Oh the rapture and tragedy of FF7 and KH people in a room talking about memories)

[needsteaplz]

Saori does remember that Halloween night and after that world hopping, it all started to make sense. She walks over to where Ira is and since Lydia got dibs on hugging Ira's waist, she'll hug his shoulders.

"I know what it's like to lose sense of your destiny but it can also mean you can reshape it. Of course I'll remember you, Ira. I mean you're...you're like a son to me!" There's a pause as she tried to piece words together after just confessing that. She cracks a small smile.

"And even if this sounds really crazy, when we finish our Hero duty here, you'll always have a home where I am. Yae and Toshi, would love to have another brother, you know? And if anyone back home wants to object, we can kick their ass together. What do you say?"

1/?

[acceptedoblivion]

Well, if they expected an immediate reaction to anything of what was said, they had another thing coming. For were he not frozen in place before, he certainly was the moment that Lydia rushed into the room and latched onto him. It was as if, for an instant, the anxiety he felt towards what the other him had said about her melted away at her whispered words.

"Not alone, huh." he muttered under his breath, closing his eyes in an attempt to shut one sense down and focus on shuffling through the wide array of emotions fighting to come to the surface all at once. Emotions that were complicated further by the fact that half of them he was completely unfamiliar with, internalizing things further and further until-

2/??

[acceptedoblivion]

...Until he felt yet another pair of arms wrap around his shoulders. A tough feat, considering how much taller he'd grown since he first arrived again. When words that seemed to echo were uttered right by his ear. It silenced him, surprise written all over his face as aqua eyes open wide and head turns to stare at the woman who uttered them, silently asking if he'd heard that right.

3/???

[acceptedoblivion]

As though the Moogle sensed his inner turmoil, Lin approached the group again.

"T-they're right, kupo!" Lin agreed, nodding as she moved to rest her little paws atop Ira's head. What's one additional Moogle to the hug pile? "I don't care if you were made by someone else for whatever purpose, kupo. You're my hero, and my close friend. That won't change whether you succeed or fail! I will always remember you and your friends. Not even the end of the world will take those feelings away; not after the last fourteen months, kupo!" Then teasingly, she added, "Your new family, friends and I will be by your side until the end, kupo. You're just gonna have to accept that, too!"

4/????

[acceptedoblivion]

"L-lin..." His voice nearly cracked, a rarely genuine (and rather embarrassed, honestly) smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

5/I am so sorry to your inbox

[acceptedoblivion]

Yet as it did, the shade rolls his eyes, taking a few steps back like a shadow in the face of far too many bright lights.

"Tch. Everyone is alone at the end," the other Ira retorted, waving off both the words and the display of friendship shown.

6/No really holy crap it *keeps going*.

[acceptedoblivion]

"No." It was such a simple word, but so authoritative even as he stood there, wrapping an arm in return around Lydia, other hand reaching up to rest on Saori's forearm. "If that hell tower has taught us anything, then we should already know by now--no one is ever alone." He closed his eyes, absentmindedly mimicking his other self as his free hand made a fist over his heart. "Those days may have been painful, but they're important to me. I'll never forget them."

That's right. He already had his own reason to keep fighting, but somewhere along the line... lost sight of it. Lost sight of what was really important, instead of all these thoughts that had started circling around in his head. "Xion, Katsuya, Kiryu and the rest of the Alliance... even that sap we're based on. I'll never forget what we went through together, but I won't throw away the future to live in despair at their memory. I'll keep going, and find my own reason to live besides this guilt."

7/This is the comment train that doesn't end...

[acceptedoblivion]

"So you're going to discard them for this new friends, just like that idiot thought the real Sora did? Who then discarded his friends and home, even his own darkness? We don't even deserve a family!"

"No. I'll live for them. For myself, and for our new family."

8/It goes on and on my-

[acceptedoblivion]

Were it not for Lydia, and now Saori and Lin holding on to him so tightly too... Ira would have socked his Shadow in its jaw once again. That was plain enough to tell by the cold determination in his eyes as he turned his entire focus on his Calamity self.

"My heart may be a fake and shattered mess hastily put back together, but it's mine. It belongs with the friends I've made, and while I may not deserve them... if that's what they and our mother think of us, then I guess I'll have to try." Light, that was going to be weird to say from now on. Though hopefully that answered a certain question Saori posed. "...I may never be a hero. Hell, I don't even want to be one, but I will fight. I will survive and do what has to be done like I always have since that day I woke to that note saying our worlds were destroyed."

"You know what you're saying, right?" the Calamity Ira retorted, for once breaking its monotone as it just.... stares... at those gathered. "We'll be destroyednothing left of us to 'survive'."

"Wrong. Or have you forgotten that promise already? Even if it means I'll fade again. If they remember me, the time we spent together, or just the feelings behind them... With their memories, I will return. Will somehow make right all the wrongs I've done. Grow strong enough to crush whatever destiny some other idiot who decided to play god has set for me. Forge my own path through the darkness to them."

9/10 sweet mother of god almost-

[acceptedlife]

"So this is your answer..." Despite it's disappointed tone, the Calamity Self chuckled as it approached the other once more. "Very well. But remember: should you tire of this charade, I will be waiting. Waiting to take hold of the reigns. You need only ask, Takeshi."

The codename is said with such vitriol, as the shadow stepped closer. Lin zipped from her perch to stand between the Calamity self and the rest of the group, having been warned that it could overtake the Hero. Yet it stops just short of being in arm's length once more, pointing directly at the real Ira's chest.

"Just because we were born differently... doesn't make us any less human than those who have actual parents." For once, the Other Ira smiled; even if it was a little sadly. "Remember me... Remember us. Our pride, our bonds, and the will to drive our own destiny.

"Together, those idiots won't have a use for an immune soul."

10/10 - SWEET BABY JESUS, I AM SO SORRY

[acceptedoblivion]

With that said, the Calamity self disappears in smoky wafts and a crystalline darklight. Ira just stared where his other self disappeared, trying to piece together what it meant by that. "Immune...soul?"

"A-are you okay, kupo?" Lin asked, turning around before clinging to Ira's arm.

"Y-yeah." Seriously, what just happened?

Re: 10/10 - SWEET BABY JESUS, I AM SO SORRY

[deadlyvu]

Lydia only shifted--keeping her hold around Ira's waist--so others could hug him too. Also so she could keep an eye on the shadow!Ira. Quiet, and listening, then hugging him more tightly at the final words. "He---you---We won't stop being friends, just because you're accepted your shadow." Moving to hide her head against his shoulder. "That's what he meant by immune soul, at least...I think it is."

BUT nope, they'd be friends regardless. He'd promised her--and Lydia was silently promising back. She wouldn't let him face his fears alone.

[umslay]

Not alone. The Shadow's response drew Ales aback, as did the declaration that his friends were there to help him. If the others in the room moved in to join the hug, Ales wouldn't. The atmosphere of the room turned on its head.

Everyone gathered around Ira, offering their own words of encouragement while Ales stood back. Ira overcame his Shadow by refusing to distance himself from others. How else was one supposed to get anything done in that case? It didn't make sense.

Hopefully he would find an opportunity to escape this scene without anyone's notice. He didn't want to confront his own Shadow in this state of mind.

[sesenta]

Akane smiled, relieved. "Thank goodness," she murmured, clasping her hands joyfully in front of her. That must have been a tough fight! She didn't know him half as well as any of these other people, so it probably didn't matter much that she'd come. But still...it was heartwarming to see just how many friends he had that really cared. Feeling a little shy and out of place, she decided now was a good time to leave him to his GIRLFRIEND and quietly withdrew from the room.

[needsteaplz]

Saori let go of Ira and let out a sigh. "Oh thank gods that's over but..." She reached up to pinch his cheeks.

"Don't you ever pull off something like this by yourself! Lin, myself, and even Mary were worried about you!" She is merciful enough to let go after a few seconds. "Like I said earlier, you're family now."

Saori laughed sheepishly when she remembered Lydia was still there as well. "Sorry, that got a little cheesy there, huh?"

[neverfirstclass]

"Whatever it means, you've done what you needed to here. You've got this win under your belt and it looks like you got it clean and without a fight." Looking at Lydia, Lin and Saori he smiled. It was good that he had people like them watching out for him. He only hoped he was nearly as good a friend.

'No, stop that.'

Pushing that thought aside he stepped forward, ready to at least put a hand on Ira's shoulder, only to flinch and take a step back as Saori began to scold him. He was silent for a second, a confused look on his face, and then he bent over laughing. After all that just happened he felt the tension he'd been feeling watching this pop like a bath bubble.

"I think if your Shadow shows up again you should just have Saori talk to it instead."