I did not stand and watch them fall

[zodiac_brave]

Characters: Ramza Beoulve, anyone who wants to help him out
When: Mid November
Where: Aqures Ixen Laboratory
Summary: Ramza goes to face his shadow.
Warning: Despair, crises of faith, potential violence

Ramza waited, nervous energy building, while the moogles at the Laboratory poked and prodded at his Crystal. 'You are your own worst enemy', was that not how the saying went? Ramza wondered if there was truth in that . He was not sure what his Shadow would bring, nor if he was up for the challenge. But if he could not conquer the Calamity within himself, how could he ever hope to save this world from the Calamity from the Skies?

It was worth the risk. He had resolved to give his life, if needed, and he could not falter here.

"Are you ready, kupo?" Simon asked. The Lab moogles nodded and 'kupo'ed in encouragement.

Ramza nodded. "Bring it forth."

The machinery in the laboratory whirred and hummed, and another Ramza appeared, first in flickers, then solidifying. His garb, his features, his build were all the same as Ramza's, but the way he hunched in on himself, cradling one arm close to him as if he was wounded, made him seem smaller, younger. The purple eyes, when he turned his head up to gaze at them, were wide and shining with unshed tears.

"Why are you here?" The Shadow hissed, still half crouched like a wounded animal. "Why did you even bother to come?"
 

Comments

[zodiac_brave]

Both Ramzas turn to Jack in confusion.

"What?" Who said anything about love? Zelda had a love, a Hero of her own. Ramza had never wanted to be that. He had wanted to be the servant of a goddess who really saw the world, who cared for the innocent. But the world was as cruel and unrelenting to the gods as it was to their creations, it seemed.

"But she did not die protecting the world. She died pointlessly, because a crazed man turned an innocent's hand against her for no reason other than to break us."

The Shadow turned away from them. "It happens over and over again. Innocents die, and the world does not change. There is no higher purpose to it. Any author of a "greater plan" is long dead. If there is any justice, it would be in letting this world die for its crimes, and hope that the worlds we spare in doing so are less corrupt."

Ramza looked to Jack and Rialynn helplessly. "That...is not true, is it? We have to fight... for the people. They did not make the Ancients' choice." So, how was he supposed to integrate the Shadow without accepting despair?

[charming_jerk]

Some of this was resonating strongly with Johnny, a little too much. Not their situations or pasts, but just the feeling of despair and feeling like your actions meant nothing. The world was a terrible place - probably every world was. That any good action ultimately felt lost among the corruption. And Johnny knew for a fact that he himself was never entitled to a happy ending when everything was said and done. So why was he still fighting?

"That's exactly it. For the people. For your friends 'n everyone else who needs ya. That's the purpose. Ya have to fight for everyone who can't. Just for a chance to live yer life. Cuz that's all you get, and it's stupid throwin' it away. To give in and just let it all end when ya got the chance to change things. Sure, there's always gonna be shitty people out there, but if ya don't do somethin' to fight them, then you're no better."

Unsure of how to conclude what he's saying, Johnny shrugged lightly.

"And I know you, of all people, Ramza, ain't the kind of person to sink to that kinda level."

[unpleasanthemokinesis]

She'd been quiet this whole time, listening and learning more about someone she barely knew but she didn't need to in order to understand what he might be feeling. Mirai could understand him better now than she had when she first walked in here.

"No world is perfect. People can be cruel and horrible, they do terrible things to others. Maybe they won't change and maybe they will - it may take a long time before that change happens but there are good things too. Good people who come into our lives that make all of the bad things worth it. Even if those people leave, it's the world they lived in that we can fight for because they can no longer do it."

As for a 'higher power', well, Mirai's never had much faith in that.

"If you want to see a change, then let it start with you."

[zodiac_brave]

The Shadow focused intently on Johnny and Mirai as they spoke, eyes wide and full as he waited and watched for any cord of hope he could grasp from the depths of his despair.

"Perhaps...perhaps, I could do as you say, fight for the goodness within the pigswill of this world...but what after? If there is no reward or punishment for the actions of a life...how can you live with that injustice?"

Ramza bowed his head, but no longer in defeat. Even these Heroes that did not know him well had come to aid him, and they were stronger and wiser than he had given them credit for. "Faith, my Reflection. We learned of it in church. We must choose to believe, in spite of doubt and the absence of certainty, that there will be something more."

He lifted his head to look around at those gathered here with him. He did not need them to find him all the answers. Faith was a lifelong journey. But Ramza now at least had a start, a purpose that he and the most pessimistic part of himself could agree on.

[rialynn]

A tension Rialynn didn't realize she was harboring inside of her eased at his shadow's words. Part of her feared that Ramza had only told her what she wanted to hear in the hospital after Zelda's death. But if even his shadow referred to her as an 'innocent' then that meant he didn't harbor any grudges against her for what had happened. She relaxed her grip on the railing, releasing a shaky breath.

She nodded once in agreement with his words, a flicker of a smile daring to turn the corners of her mouth. "Right. Maybe we can't fix everything, or save every person. But that shouldn't stop us from trying, again and again, as many times as it takes. And I know you're not the type of person who gives up easily."

Rialynn looked at his Shadow self, quietly reading the emotions he displayed so openly on his face. "But you know...it's okay to take a step back now and again and catch your breath too. If you find yourself feeling this way...come talk to me about it. You don't have to hold it in, or consider it shameful. Your spirit just needs a chance to rest sometimes."