melodiesoflife | #10 | Picking up, carrying on-

Entry tags:

#10 | Picking up, carrying on-

Characters: Sephiroth, Terra, B-04 House mates & Open-prompts
Where/When: 6th - 14th May: Republic of Esdham, then Aqures Ixen.
Summary:
[Esdham] 1) Terra goes looking for Sephiroth after the last correspondence 2) Open-prompt for anyone else looking for him or even just visiting
Esdham.
[Aqures Ixen] 1) Sephiroth returns 'home' 2) Open-prompt, soul-searching at the Crystal of Fire
Warnings: Most-likely Angst throughout, and wordy prose beneath the cuts.

[6th May Esdham: Terra]

Compared to Aqures Ixen, it was the height of summer in the region of Esdham already. Its climate drier and hotter on account of the Republic's proximity to the great Roalian desert. It might be a small wonder how any soldier might be able to train, let alone serve there at all in defense of the mostly now-repaired stronghold. Indeed, there were times in which cases of dehydration and heat-sickness were quite common but it was mostly the newer recruits that were as yet unaccustomed to it.

While it had been relatively painless and quite easy for Terra to have boarded the airship to take her to Esdham on 5th May, pinning down exactly where the man she had wanted to desperately talk to was not such. Considering the military compound within which the barracks were located, where undoubtedly Sephiroth spent his downtime, was off-limits to civilians there was little that Terra might be able to do other than to hang around and wait for him to come out; surely he had to come out of there at some point, right?

Not to mention that the first lead she obtained by being approached by a returning solider while she waited at the gate, had sent her across town to the site where the barracks had been before the Battle of Esdham -where Sephiroth had indeed been in residence before the fight- which were now nothing more than charred patches of otherwise barren land, fenced off and locked down tightly. Who'd have thought just wanting to visit her friend might be wrought with such difficulty? She'd be forgiven for wondering if she should give up, by the time evening rolled around.

Early the next morning however, it seemed that Tempest managed to track down Spencer at the mognet office. The small bespectacled moogle came in with Tempest to the room where Terra were staying. Spencer chewed on his bottom lip and joined his stubby paws in front of him, his red pom-pom going limper at the idea that he'd come along so that Tempest could bother her Hero at such a very early hour. She'd come all this way though, to try to speak to Sephiroth and considering how obviously he'd now gone about annexing himself from contact with all the other Heroes, Spencer at least wanted to talk to her himself first.

--

[Until 12th May Esdham: Open]

Whilst on duty, Spencer is seldom seen with Sephiroth these days whether by choice or by direct order. As such, the silver haired hero might well be overlooked by those who don't know him. As the various drills and shifts might see him with a partner or a small squad of four patrolling the streets or sometimes even guarding the perimeter of Esdham itself for long-hours at a time. Occasionally even pounding the pavement as part of a larger squad as the various training officers urged larger troupes of soldiers through the streets on their intense fitness regimen. Dressed down some and with vests sticking to them in the heat.

Still, sometimes Spencer might be spotted lingering somewhere nearby on the route, forever diligent to watch over Sephiroth even if he didn't seem to want him around much, of late. For anyone whom might be looking for other Heroes of Light, though not familiar with Sephiroth himself, it might beg the question why the moogle might be there and not busying around delivering mail.

Off duty, Sephiroth spent a lot of time on his own -his room mate often worked opposite shifts to him- at the barracks with his books, notes, letters and Spencer's occasional company. However, once every so often the four walls of the room became too cramped and he did venture out into Esdham itself- having learned from other comrades of a small fitness studio tucked away near to the Coliseum where he could go to train for himself in addition to the brutal drills that had become very much part of his daily bread once more. Always he would stop to take in the view of the Coliseum, to appreciate the repair work and to remember the fires that he had battled within, on his way passed. Never minding the locals who might glance for longer, or look back over him, his face well known for its heroism at that time. He'd never used that staff lodge invitation that they had awarded him either- hadn't had the time.

[13th May Aqures Ixen B-04: Open to House mates/visitors]

Perhaps he could be forgiven for having lost track of time somewhat by the time that the month passed into it's second week. But the date for the meeting at which he hoped to talk to Biggs and Cid, specifically, was approaching and as was always inevitable Sephiroth would eventually have to return to Aqures Ixen for one reason or another. There could be a new collection of faces, by now, but where they might have appeared -it could only have been Trano or Flence; the nearest to the Water or Wind Crystals- logical deduction. He couldn't help but to shudder inside at the too-real experiences he still recalled from the dream of his doppelganger at the Water Temple. The extent to which it still made him feel sick would be something for him to deal with alone.

He hadn't passed the threshold of his residence in Aqures Ixen though, for well over a month. With the large military rucksack on his back Sephiroth let Spencer go ahead first, the small bespectacled moogle quickly heading for the kitchen to take stock of one of the most important rooms. Not more than two strides in though, Sephiroth's booted feet came to an abrupt stop. Something felt different, and he wrinkled his nose up as if it were an unpleasant smell. It wasn't a smell though, more like a sense that he were invading someone else's abode that he couldn't force himself to ignore. If instincts served him correctly, it was hardly just himself and Tifa in residence here anymore.

--

[14th May Aqures Ixen 3rd District/Crystal of Fire: Open]
Who Am I?

Sephiroth opened his eyes and drew his hand away from where it had been planted in silence, for a good few minutes, upon the surface of the Crystal of Fire. On the rare occasion that he had visited the Crystal in the past, quite often it had delivered an odd sort of comfort- for a moment he felt closer to, and therefore more rooted to the Planet he had left behind in being brought here. It had always helped Sephiroth to ground himself, to relight that spark within him to keep going regardless of the large crushing obstacles Crystallis invariably dropped in his path.

The last one of which -that dream- he'd not only stumbled over, but landed on his face and then rolled over himself a few times before dragging himself back onto his feet. Much like when he had broken his leg though, sometimes the pieces didn't quite fit back together just right and, despite how he'd deny it, mentally Sephiroth was exhausted as a result. Too many long shifts, too many sleepless nights, way too many soul-searching questions which he couldn't answer alone but at the same time felt averse to reach out and burden other Heroes with.

Hence why he was having a problem to connect with the Crystal the way that he had before.

That boy-

Monster.
Was that really the truth? If that boy were the reincarnated soul of Sephiroth from the future, then who exactly did that make him?

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There is so much about this that is just so confusing to her. Ib is really too young to really understand the depth of his problems, and some pat of her is aware of this. But there is one thing she's sure of.

"Then you shouldn't talk to those people."

It really seems like that's the only solution. He deserves better than to be surrounded by mean, greedy people. He doesn't need them. Sephiroth has friends who care about him.

"If they're hurting you, you should just stay away from them."

The edges of Sephiroth's nose crease up a little, as if he just tasted something he didn't like, while he considered Ib's words. Then almost as quickly as his expression tightened, it softened a little and he chuckled. It was low, not exactly a happy chuckle, and only two short huffs but it was all he could do but to try and dismiss how -in the simplicity of the suggestion- Ib had touched on the one thing that he couldn't do. Wouldn't do.

"That's easier said than done. I owe them a lot as well."

Ib is silent for a few moments, considering all the possible ways to handle a problem like that. So the people who are mean to him also helped him? That does make things more complicated. She can only think of two ways to approach this. But it all depends on one thing.

"Well..... are any of those people here?"

Sephiroth doesn't answer, he just smoothly shook his head, carefully searching Ib's eyes as if he might be able to somehow communicate the fact that it didn't matter if they were here or not. The foundation of who he is, much like anyone, is based on how he was raised and if the values they instilled in him...the pride that he thought he developed for himself...if it is all a lie then who exactly does that make him?

"It doesn't matter if they aren't, they helped to make me who I am as a person. The fighter that I am. The Hero that I'm supposed to be here."

"But if they aren't here, then you don't have to worry about them right now."

But she is glad to here that maybe those people aren't all bad. After all, if they made him a hero there must be something good about them. Ib smiles again, hopefully this time.

"There are people here who care about you. No matter what happens, you're not alone. Okay?"

And if any of those people ever do show up in Crystallis, Ib will give them a piece of her mind.

Perhaps Ib does have a point. For all of the internal ripping apart of his own existence he were doing, all the questions that he pointed directly at his -until now- firm foundation of self were very much consequential; How had he become eventually so full of hatred that destroying it all was the only option? Why had he betrayed all that he had stood for? When exactly had that changed?

Potential answers only brought more internal pain, and more questions aimed further and further back in his own history. But really, it wasn't all that relevant to his life in Crystallis at all - or was it? Shinra didn't exist here and the only people that were in any way connected were Genesis and Cloud, one of whom he wasn't sure if he hated or not and the other he had a responsibility as an idol towards, that he didn't want to destroy.

"Ib-" He starts, but finds he has to swallow a lump in his throat. He really has trouble connecting exactly what he's done to cause others to even sow some seed of compassion towards him within themselves when it hasn't been his intention at all. With a breath, Sephiroth pushes himself up back into standing from the crouch before his knees might decide to go to sleep.

"I'm really not sure what to make of that. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"I know."

Of course he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. He's a good person. Ib's smile brightens, and she clasps her hands behind her back as she gazes up at him.

"It's okay if it takes time. Or if it's something you have to think about."

She knows there's probably a ton of complicated grown-up things that he has to consider. But she still firmly believes that he's a hero. She has faith that, when the time comes, he'll do the right thing.

"Just do your best. That's the most anyone can do, right?"

Somehow, Ib has managed to take a little of the edge off the mood he's come to the Crystal with. Sephiroth's sinking self-worth seems at least to be slowing down, the downward spiral getting less steep the longer that he's stood looking down on the small Hero who couldn't possibly comprehend the complexity of the strain on his sense of identity.

Perhaps it was all in his head, putting too much weight on events that hadn't even happened for him yet. Still, Sephiroth remains mostly blind to the support he has all around...but the fact that Ib is still stood there, practically glowing with the amount of belief she had in how he was as much the Hero as he always had been painted up as.

"Right. I always strive to do my best. Nothing is worthwhile doing, otherwise."

Ib nods firmly.

"Right."

He seems like he's feeling a little better, and Ib is relieved. It's a little surprising that someone as amazing as him would ever feel insecure. The interesting thing is that even if it turns out that he wasn't a real hero in his world, he is in this one. But Ib still thinks he was probably a hero in his world anyway. But... maybe he just needed some encouragement? Maybe everyone does, sometimes.

"I do think you could visit Aqures Ixen more often though. I really missed you."

"I-"

He looks down, ever more questioningly into Ib's face as she makes that last comment. Ib hardly knew him, and she isn't exactly on any of his 'reasons to visit Aqures Ixen more' mental lists. Despite all the support she's given him throughout his time in Crystallis, which hinged on that first piece of advice he had given her. Sephiroth has trouble connecting that it's because she see's him as such a friend and wants to make sure he'd doing Ok.

Never mind the fact that-

His thoughts stop as he considers how he might tell Ib this without sounding even more useless than he felt already. The bottom half of his face becomes more taut for a moment before he finally finds some words.

"-I can try to. I get so wrapped up in my work."

"I know."

She's encouraged by the fact that he doesn't shoot down the request immediately. Ib is quick to press the advantage. She looks hopeful.

"It doesn't have to be a lot, just sometimes."

That would be enough to make her happy. Unfortunately she doesn't quite catch the tension in his face this time.

There are a handful of people that, increasingly, are starting to give him more of a reason to visit. Or at least, when he has the time spare to think about them he finds his thoughts drawn to how they might be, what they might be doing. It's all very well and good, but then it seems something always happens to make him want to get as far away from any and all of them as humanly possible. For their safety. For his sanity.

Being enlisted in the military gives him a perfect escape route. No matter how the issues don't go away, can only by buried in otherwise occupying himself. Sephiroth's jaw doesn't lose even a mite of it's tension as he thinks more about how easy he slips into his workaholic habit.

"I feel useful there. Like I'm doing my part."

"You always do your part."

A simple fact as far as she's concerned. Sephiroth is always on the front lines whenever there's a crisis. Fighting just as hard as anyone. Maybe harder.

"You do seem awfully busy though. Is there a whole lot to do in the army?"

She knows they fight and stuff, but really has no idea what soldiers do when they aren't in battles.

No matter his own insecurities, it's in Sephiroth's basic nature to put himself in the way when there are matters he knows he can deal with better than others. Partly to prove to himself that he still can do so, but mostly an automatic reaction if he has the skills to resolve something. A throwback to the level of confidence he had before, which is clearly still in there somewhere.

"It really depends on how much time you want to commit to it. There are always drills to run, training to attend, weekly briefings to keep abreast of the Imperial threat just across the desert some. Things like that."

While he thought about it like that, it didn't seem a lot however Sephiroth were very much one of those types who could happily spend an entire afternoon working out just one of the main muscle groups and call it a completely constructive use of his time.

Well, it sounds like an awful lot of stuff to her. Ib nods while he explains, and pretends she knows what the word 'abreast' means. And that she has any idea what actually happens during 'drills.' The important thing is that it does sound like being a soldier is really tough.

"Wow, no wonder you're so busy! Just make sure you don't work too hard though."

Working too hard isn't good for anyone. And it does seem like Sephiroth in particular could really use a chance to relax.

At least she didn't ask what those words meant! Sephiroth has very limited experience in talking to children in a way that they can easily understand, having not had much of a childhood himself.

"Don't worry, I can handle it." Which of course he does and then some, in reality. If Sephiroth even knew where to start in relaxing he'd probably get bored quickly, and then find something constructive to do; idle hands wouldn't do at all.

Besides, he'd spent the best part of a month unable to contribute very much at all before; he had a lot to make up for.

"I've always worked hard, Ib. It's not worth doing anything otherwise."

Ib isn't particularly good with words anyway, but she doesn't exactly want the other heroes to know that. And while she does understand wanting to work hard, there can always be too much of a good thing.

"Well... I heard that if you work too hard, you can make yourself sick."

And no one wants that.

Given her age, the lesser range of vocabulary would be excused. Or at least, Sephiroth might eventually excuse her, since understanding how limited that range of words might be was a concept pretty far out of his grasp.

"Hm. I heard that was an excuse for people who could have done better."

It was simply stated, without very much of a bite to it but it was clear that Sephiroth couldn't tolerate such a near-lazy way of thinking. An individual should always drive themselves to surpass their best.

She giggles. Somehow Ib expected him to say something like that. She actually really admires how driven he is, how he doesn't even go easy on himself. That must take a ton of willpower.

"Okay. And if you do get sick, I'll make sure to bring you cookies."

Which would obviously help.

Willpower and the self-discipline that goes with it has always been one of Sephiroth's defining traits. Perhaps he could do with reminding himself of those qualities sooner rather than later. Their conversation thus far has helped greatly to remind him of that too.

His attention drifts off, back toward the Crystal of Fire, not being able to think much of anything else to answer Ib with that. Except-

"Not too many though. Too many cookies can make you sick too."

Sephiroth flashes a small smile at that, though not looking directly down at Ib.

Yay! A smile! That alone makes Ib feel like she's done some good for him. And no worries, she has a solution to the cookie conundrum. She clasps her hands behind her back and smiles innocently.

"We'll eat them together! And if there's still too many, we'll share them with our friends. Everyone likes cookies."

Everyone. Truly she is a font of wisdom.

[[OOC: I actually think this is a cute place to leave this off. y/n?]]

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#10 | Picking up, carrying on-

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