melodiesoflife | Love Springs Eternal (??)

[ It wasn't as though the meddlers didn't have their bright moments, be it whenever the advice given turned out to be surprisingly helpful, or... their antics accidentally drew you close to who you would later consider your best friend and ally. ]

I've had that knowledge for a while now, so I feel rather confident about it.

[ Seeing her gaze stray, he reached out to take hold of her other hand as well, now pressing them together gently against his chest as he spoke. ]

I just wish it could translate into words nearly as well, because I would rather not keep it solely for myself. I—...

[ Everything that had led up until this moment had given him this exact opportunity that he could not waste by being unable to keep his emotions in check. Inhaling sharply, he closed his eyes, before letting himself be carried away any further. ]

Hoping to have your feelings reciprocated is quite a lot to ask for, in this case. How... can you tell it's the right moment?

[ ... Only to open them seconds later, looking for a sign of permission in hers, for it was far too late for exchanging simple pieces of advice. ]

[ Tear let Ace do with her hands as she wished, listening intently to his every word despite still not looking at him properly just yet. Instead, she became all the more aware of the warmth beneath them, of the heartbeat she could feel when she was this close to him.

Even though her expression was becoming more and more wistful, it also showed the faint curve of her lips, waiting until he was finished before responding. ]

I don't know if there is a 'right moment,' for that. [ Lorelei knew she had never figured it out. ] And it is a lot to ask for... It can also be considered brave, to still want to say them.

[ Had the melodist possessed the courage to act, perhaps she wouldn't have been in this position to begin with. But when she at last lifted her gaze to meet that of the boy in front of her... She couldn't believe it had been entirely bad of her to have held back.

Pausing for a moment, she remembered the meeting she had attended the week before—they had tried to cover this very topic, hadn't they? It was just for a brief while, but it was enough to stand out to her. ]

If you don't mind... I want to hear your words, if it's something you would want to share with me.

[ It wasn't just a promise pushing her to want to listen, but perhaps a small hope... ]

... Of course.

[ Ace's hold was gradually becoming lighter, so that any attempts at maintaining their physical contact would now be the result of her own volition rather than his own. It felt... necessary, to ensure her this very minimum of personal space, knowing that what he was about to say would eventually force her to voice her own opinion on the matter. ]

Tear Grants—

[ A soft smile adorned his lips at the sound of that name, the same one she had chosen to introduce herself as, the one he had learnt to call her by. Ultimately, it was a matter of nostalgic preference that wouldn't have made his words any less, nor any more valid if he had gone down the other path. Having expected his face to flare up like it always did under similar circumstances, he was surprised to find the surge of warmth under his skin completely unthreatening, as if it was meant to be there. It allowed him to remain calm in the face of the challenge that this confession undoubtedly was. ]

— ... you make me feel like I belong. Even if the time we have left is only a fraction of what we would like it to be— [ The boy shakes his head lightly, trying to push aside the thoughts that would no longer influence his decision. ] —it won't stop me from looking forward to making these moments count.

Yes, anything could happen, but if the future is what we make it, I... I want to be your strength the same way you've been mine.

[ The wave of relief produced a sound akin to quiet laughter at the back of his throat, brief as it was before it faded—... ]

... I love you.

[ Even in silence, he couldn't draw his eyes away from her. ]

[ Tear's breath stills when it begins to dawn upon her what he was going to say, eyes widening with every phase that passed through his lips. Even when he finishes she stands motionless, the only indication she had heard at all being her gaze lowering to look at their hands, her own grip tightening to make up for his.

Slowly, she realised that pulled close like this, she could feel his heartbeat in addition to the warmth she had come to associate with him, however faint it was. For whatever reason, it was this realisation that broke her silence in the form of a breathy half-laugh. ]

You... you idiot! [ The words may seem completely out of place when coupled with the smile that had spread across her lips, flustered yet bright. ]

Ace... [ Her tone was nothing but gentle, despite the words she had blurted out seconds before. Her gaze still focuses on his hands in hers, she threaded them with hers delicately, her touch almost timid with how lightly she held him. ] You already are

[ Perhaps it was that residual fear that made her hold on to him this way, but by now she knew what it was she wanted. Yet to hear him say it, to confirm that small yet selfish wish she held in her heart. ]

With you, I... [ Her voice fell silent, searching for the right words. All she had to do was say it back... ]

[ With that most affectionate of insults he'd ever heard, Ace found himself chuckling along, no longer being able to remember how it had felt to fear uttering the three words that now seemed to come with such ease. The nervousness had long subsided, leaving in its stead only a temptation to reprise his confession, over and over again.

Filled with newfound gratitude for those tiny reminders of the season, he welcomed the snowflakes slowly settling down on his skin, as if to hide away the faint traces of wetness which had formed behind his eyelids. Blinking them away, he watched with amusement how the melodist's unruly hair refused to surrender, tousled bangs effectively obscuring the girl's face more and more with every movement she would undertake.

This time, he wouldn't be there to help her out. Letting their hands remain in their light embrace, he moved closer to gently rest his forehead against hers, with no other intention but to savour the moment he felt so blessed to be a part of. ]

You don't have to—... [ Through her reaction, she has already communicated what he needed to know, and however important this step was, he could wait. After all, he's always had the upper hand. ] I-it doesn't have to be now.

But... [ Daring to peek at him through the mess of bangs, Tear couldn't stop her smile from growing when she was met with the look on his face. There was all the proof and reassurance she needed to know this was what she wanted, that eventually the time would come for her to say it back.

Even now he was granting her that reprieve, and it was that thought that made her close her eyes, releasing a soft sigh in gratitude. It extended not only to his patience, but knowing that he had still received her answer without her uttering the words.

That would make it all the more meaningful when the moment did come. ]

... Okay. [ But just because she had chosen to delay, it didn't mean she was going to stand by and do nothing. Carefully breaking apart their connection, it was only so she could then move to wrap her arms around him. Not so tightly, and certainly with traces of shyness in its touch, there was no mistaking the affection and warm strength the girl was placing into her efforts to bring him closer. ]

Thank you, Ace. I... I really mean it. [ For so many things, in so many ways. ] I know I asked for more time back then, and that's what you've given me along with much more since.

[ He had already said it, recognising that despite all efforts their future would be limited. Yet here they stood wanting to face it together anyway, something she had lost to her hesitation in a future that hasn't happened. If he still chose to be there, it made it a little less frightening to brave it all again. ]

Thank you for giving me more time with you...

[ There were plenty of ways to express oneself than words alone, and these often required the most courage. Ace understood that, easily finding all he could have ever wanted in the honesty of her touch. Without a second of hesitation, he responded by enveloping her in an embrace of his own, hands resting against the girl's back in a secure hold. ]

There's... only one condition. Everything that I've already said—....

[ No matter how many times he'd experienced it before, there was something particular about the way she wrapped her arms around him that stole his breath away, little by little. ]

... Call me an idiot however you like, but don't make me take that back.

[ The request sounded only as solemn as the soft curl of his lips would allow for it to be, but that didn't diminish its importance in his mind. Having taken that step forward, he could not imagine pretending that it had been anything less than his heart's offering.

Hearing the melodist attribute so much kindness to simple gestures, he had to resist the urge to stop her in her tracks, to explain there was no need to sound so obliged as she seemed to be. ]

As much time as you need. [ ... But he doesn't, knowing that if they were to switch places, the same words could have fallen from his own lips. ] I'll be there.

[ The vision had left its mark, and Ace wondered how conscious was Tear's grasp of the changes that had occurred. Whether he liked it or not, he was in a position that allowed him to see them clearly, free from the memories that seemed to haunt so many others.

Out of all these differences, her loss of faith in herself was definitely the most painful to bear. ]

I... I'll be there to remind you who you are, in case you ever forget.

[ His condition, however simple it might seem to follow, still nearly makes her voice her protest against it, going as far as looking back up at him and parting her lips to try and say the words. If she were to walk down the same path of that alternate future, she could only imagine the pain he would be put through for his dedication to staying by her side.

But she also knew it wasn't her place to stop him, if he chose to fulfil that vow. And by now, she knew his his absence had contributed to her departure in the end, as well as what had kept her heart from being free of doubts about the plan they had undertaken. ]

Idiot... [ Yet there she was, with an affectionate insult ready as she reached up with one hand to brush away his hair. Having him here with her, in this moment, was all the reminder she needed that she couldn't turn him away if she still wanted to avert that future. ]

You know this means you're not allowed to go anywhere, right? [ Unspoken in her light tease was what had happened to him in that future, that had kept him from being the pillar he was now. ] I hate to be a burden, so it's my duty to make sure you don't and remind you.

[ Exhaling softly, he pressed his cheek against her open palm, uncaring of the state of his hair if it gave him opportunities like this. ]

And where would I go?

[ Though he smiled weakly, the hidden implication of her question wasn't lost on him, and what his words wouldn't communicate, perhaps his expression could get across, eyes knowing and watchful. His life was no longer his own, and his death signified that of thousands. Having once forsaken his fears, he now had a multitude of reasons to accept them anew, if not for himself, then for the sake of others.

He couldn't afford to die again, neither of them would. The cadet gently shook his head, and thus, released her hand from the hold. ]

No, this is where I should be. And besides - I do not treat lightly the promises I make.

[ Though she could easily tease him further, and in reality could probably come up with a number of plausible answers of where else he might be needed, Tear instead chose to keep her silence when faced with the look in his eyes, nodding once so he would know she understood.

He had already made the same implications before, hadn't he? She could still remember their exchange after he had woken up so clearly, how readily he had been willing to cast aside so much to stay with her to the point it seemed almost absurd. If that was how it was going to be, it would be all the more important that she made sure she didn't become that burden. ]

I know you don't. [ That was another thing they shared in common, but with its mention came the memory of something else she had wanted to ask him before. ]

When did you... realise? [ No, that was perhaps too vague, though it wasn't inaccurate either. ] When did you decide you wanted to tell me this?

[ A small frown formed a crease between his brows as he considered the question he hadn't seen coming, or at the very least wasn't prepared for. It wasn't the kind of decision that came with a snap of one's fingers, nor he had truly understood it at that moment the way he had grown to see it today.

But to say he wasn't able to pinpoint that one moment in particular... would be a lie. A faint blush dusted his cheeks, as if to serve as proof to his own confidence that he was still very much vulnerable to being caught off-guard. ]

For that very reason, it's possible my memory of it is much more vivid than yours. [ And it made him smile to himself, even now, though his voice soon became quieter. ] That night on the Enterprise.

[ It felt... difficult to explain, but he wished to be thorough if such was a question.

Or as thorough as he could be, because suddenly, he looked almost too flustered to speak at all. ]

... You had to lead us both for a short while, remember?

... I do. [ Even though Tear had no intentions of forgetting what happened that night, when she realised he had gone into stasis it became all the more important to her that she held on to every memory of that night as possible, even the brief disappointment of his confession about reading her file.

So it wasn't at all difficult to remember that particular moment of standing there awkwardly and wishing she hadn't placed the line between when the music began anew, seeing the brief surprise on his face before she took the lead. ]

Maybe my memory of it is as good as yours, you seemed really nervous before I acted. And I didn't want you to have to be.

[ Thinking about it, they were relatively in the same position now as they were then, holding on to each other. And once again, he was flustered in a way that had her wanting to soothe him, so she searched until his hand was in hers, just as it had been that night. ]

I also remember you saying that I was letting you get away with a lot.

Edited 2016-02-28 07:13 (UTC)

[ Though her recollection of it made him smile inwardly, his own was a sum of feelings and emotions which made it difficult to express the way he had seen it - which was best left unspoken, perhaps. The fingers of his hand then curled around hers instinctively. ]

... Look around. Aren't you, still?

[ How clumsily he had been trying to involve her in every aspect of his life, simply because she would have somehow always manage to bring in more colours into it. It had all started far back, with a letter that he hadn't even been the sole receiver of, and a small, yellow feather that had along the way become its own communication method.... ]

But maybe, with time, you'll be able to tell me more about things you would... like us to do, together. Or places to visit.

[ With that, he stepped out of the embrace to lead her toward one of the benches, lest they both turn into ice sculptures. ]

Does it still count if I agreed to it? [ Though she didn't expect him to actually answer, allowing herself to be led along. If he wanted her to be the one to suggest things to do, or places to go, that was fine—it was simply a matter of figuring it all out for herself.

After all, Crystallis was such a vast world, and if there was anyone she would choose to explore it with, it world be him.

For now, however, her focus was turned back to the first thing he said. It may have seemed innocent enough at q glance, but as she had suspected the first time he brought it up there was still that small suspicion. And now that she was thinking more deeply about it...

Well, she wouldn't let anyone get away with kissing her as many times as he had, if at all. And there were other things...

Needless to say, her cheeks were thoroughly flushed by the time she sat down, her expression seeming almost appalled. ]

[ Whatever else he might have meant by it, he had never expected his words to incite quite the reaction they did, and nothing about her reply had seemed to indicate the discomfort painted all over the girl's features, either. Looking somewhat befuddled, Ace quickly dropped his stare to their linked hands, placed in between them against the stone surface. ]

... What's wrong?

[ He felt unsure asking, having difficulties finding any reason for such a quick change of the atmosphere. For some reason, the redness of her cheeks made his own flare up slightly in response, and so he tipped his head forward to bury his face in the safety of his scarf as he waited. ]

[ Now—did she actually want to try and explain this, or would it be better to just sit in silence and hope the blush went away quickly enough? The latter option seemed much more tempting, if not for the look that came over Ace's face now that they were once again focuses entirely on each other.

Which of course made her cheeks redden even more. It was a shame she couldn't bring herself to pull her hand out of his to try and hide it.

That left only the option of trying to explain... something she could only barely understand. But she could at least try to go through with the challenge for his sake, shaking her head. ]

It's... [ Maybe it was wrong, maybe it wasn't. She definitely didn't want him to think it was wrong from this point forward. ]

You're very... affectionate...

Edited (not the icon I chose dw) 2016-02-29 21:53 (UTC)

[ Oddly enough, it was precisely the impression she managed to impart with her quiet admission, causing him to gently withdraw his hand, placing it beside him as he lifted his eyes to meet hers. It felt... fair, to state that line, and more importantly, he could not bring himself to disagree with her words, the realization of which leaving him quiet for a moment, as something deep in his chest stirred uncomfortably. ]

Is it... too much? I'm sorry, I would rather not— it doesn't have to continue this way. [ A small shake of his head follows as he continues in a more confident tone... despite the scarf still conveniently obscuring half of his face, which is also the reason why it comes out slightly muffled. ] I will try to control my emotions better, from now on.

[ Physical acts of affection had their own role in all this, but if it was merely for the sake of his own enjoyment, then he would have preferred not to include them at all. Of course, holding hands had become something of a natural gesture, and for that he had no doubt nothing would change - his own response just now had merely been symbolical, if anything.

All the rest, on the other hand? Since he had taken certain... liberties in the past, it wasn't hard to figure out what was that Tear had on her mind, and it pained him to know that he had never stopped to ensure they had both been on the same page.

Though it often did feel that way, feelings were such fickle things, especially so if they functioned far beyond one's comprehension. ]

[ And there was the reaction she was afraid of, prompting her to sigh quietly as she closed her eyes. Already she was missing the warmth of their hands touching, the last of her blush ebbing away with the change in atmosphere. But before she could do anything about that, she needed to make things clear. ]

Ace... [ Again she shook her head lightly, searching harder for the best way to put it. ] You've... been honest with me. Please don't stop now, over this.

[ As she spoke, her hand had moved closer to his once more, but she hesitated to take it completely in case it made Ace uncomfortable, after the impression she had given him. After a few moments of silence, she settled with gently hooking her little finger with his. They would still be connected that way. ]

It'll take some getting used to, for me, because it's all new. [ Having her feelings reciprocated, and acting on them... Childish as such thinking might seem, she hadn't thought it would ever happen. ] And between us, I was the one who started it.

Besides... [ Opening her eyes, a tiny smile graced her lips as she sought to meet his gaze. ] We may have been both trained to control our emotions, but yours are part of what I respect about you.

[ At first, Ace did not seem to be convinced, taking her words for an act of courtesy that seemed to mistake honesty for being respectful to one another. Parting his lips in a silent protest, he shot her another confused look before his attention was once again stolen by the unusual placement of their fingers....

Somebody had once mentioned in passing what it meant, this kind of gesture, which made Ace wonder whether it had been a conscious move on Tear's part. A promise? If so, could be really be a part of it if he continued to be unsure about the significance of her explanation? ]

They had never been emotions of such nature, as we weren't meant to pursue them under any circumstances. [ Respect? What a strange thing to say, though he has no other option but to accept it, the spark in his eyes growing brighter. ] I am not sure what it truly means to be... affectionate, since I'm merely acting upon what feels right in given moment... to me. Like I said, it's hardly a reliable solution, so it's understandable if you'd rather hold back until we've figured this out.

[ Somehow. Though it only ever seemed to achieve its educational purpose through... actual practice, perhaps he could seek out somebody else's advice? It did seem like an idea.

... Regardless of her response, it seemed like a good idea. ]

[ Tear's own thoughts were along the same vein as his, still holding on to him through that fragile link as she pondered over it. He might not have a grasp on what it meant to be affectionate, but it was clear he has a better picture than she did.

Whatever conclusion they came to in the end, the fact remained that she had once again drawn a line between them, though her lament over it had come more quickly than it has last time. ]

Then, you want me to be the one to decide...? [ Breathing out slowly, she turned her gaze to the white sky above them, once again allowing snowflakes to fall upon her face and stick to the short strands of her hair. If that was the permission he wanted...

Wordlessly, and without even changing her stance, she allowed herself to lean against him. They were both new at this, and she could see it clearly despite her lingering ignorance in such matters. ]

[ Try as he might have to answer it, that was an awfully precise question considering the mess of thoughts that his mind was. Smiling, he welcomed her attempt with a soft sigh, slowly leaning his back against the wall to make it more comfortable for them both, with the extra support it gave.

Lifting his free hand, he placed it flatly against his chest, for a moment appearing deep in thought as he considered his next move. ]

Not really. [ And then, wanting to continue before his words could be misunderstood, he turns his head to look at her better, all the while unwrapping the scarf around his neck - but leaving just enough for himself, already hearing the protests that would undoubtedly come if he didn't. ] ... I want you to be happy.

[ Besides, only the act of sharing would further emphasise his point, and so, half of the scarf was now loosely wrapped around the melodist's shoulders. Just in time, he noted, discovering the wet strands of hair framing her face, but... small steps. He could do that much. ]

[ At least he'd had the foresight to keep some of the scarf to himself, because the melodist had indeed been ready to protest his giving up the scarf for her sake. But when he finishes adjusting it, all that was left was her blushing returning anew, even if it was just barely there. ]

... And if I told you of how happy you've made me, would you believe it? [ Once again her voice was soft, the melodist leaning just a little bit more against him and resting her head upon his shoulder.

While she knew even as she said it that any attempt to describe those feelings would be more of a weak one—it had been difficult enough to write it down on paper earlier that day, the letter currently tucked away beneath the plethora of other pages in her nightstand—if it was what he wanted, then she would do her best.

Or maybe she could just present it to him instead, the thought did briefly cross her mind. Except when it came down to it, she would prefer to say it herself than rely on all those pieces of paper. ]

I would—

[ A soft intake of breath interrupted his answer, leaving its tone ambiguously open for interpretation for the moment it took him to put in order the thoughts she had just single-handedly scattered, in all the good ways. Hoping for something was so much different than hearing one's wish being spoken out loud, especially so if it was in her voice, the one he'd grown to associate with memorable evenings spent in the (relative) safety of the attic. ]

I would most likely be at a loss of words at first, but then I'd accept it as the truth, should it ever happen.

[ As though to dispel this air of fake formality that his words seemed to carry, he leaned against her in return, softly pressing his cheek against her hair. Another sigh left his throat, this time less controlled than the previous one. ]

Nobody... has ever told me that before.

It will. [ As soft as her voice was in the delivery of those two words, her conviction still rang true. Able to picture that reaction perfectly, the desire to laugh nearly pushes past her lips had she not put a stop to it. Were she not so nervous about her delivery, she would have told everything him right this moment. ]

Who knows, maybe you might manage a few words.

[ But first, there was a more pressing matter at hand.

To hear that he had never been told such a thing before—it was almost unbelievable, enough so that she would have raised her head to look at him in disbelief if it wouldn't ruin their current position. What she could do was shift her hand so that she again had his in a firm hold, hoping to give him that extra reassurance.

Surely there were others he had made happy throughout his lifetime, who felt the same gratitude toward him. She couldn't really be the first, could she? It seemed almost cruel, when he had made her life that much more brighter. ]

... Even though I didn't expect it, you've made me happy from the moment you sent me that little feather.

[ And now she had a whole flower of them to remind her of that, whenever she needed it. ]

[ While Ace genuinely didn't feel like it was in any way necessary, he appreciated her consolation regardless, unable to manifest against the gentle hand holding his. But if it was regret or disappointment she expected to witness along with that realization, she would find none of it in his heart. Life back then had simply been different when the only acknowledgment he sought had been Mother's approval, and in that they had always been united, him and the others.

No, it wasn't as though he hadn't received praise before, or kindness, or even love, the kind hidden behind the thoughtfulness resulted from all the years spent together. Had he been able to give it back, he would have liked to believe so, at least to some degree. Though he could never be entirely confident about that, in the end, he could nevertheless claim to have tried to fulfill his role as best as he could.

But did he really have the capability to change someone else's life for the better? It felt so foreign, so odd to consider, and he only had her confirmation to go by. ]

A feather of apology. [ The blond corrects her with a playful smile on his lips, letting his eyelids fall shut for a moment, as he muses over this strange transformation the single feather has gone through. ] I was a bit worried that it would seem silly to you, at the time.

[ With that, he leans in a bit closer. ] ... I did not expect it, either, any of it. [ An abrupt return to her answer is marked with a change in his voice that turns it into a whisper. ] And now—....

[ There's a longer pause. ]

What... do you think this all makes us? [ He lightly pokes at the ground with the soles of his shoes, as if looking for an answer there. ] How should it be seen by others, more specifically. [ Which might or might not have been sponsored by his meeting with her certain housemate. ] I find such names and practices... irrelevant, but there might be those who decide to... ask questions, in which case I would like to know how to answer them. You see, unfortunately, this might affect you more than it will me.

[ Oh, ellipses and being awfully indirect. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject