Event || In Your Worst Memory

[0301120113092025]

Characters: All Heroes of Light. Only those who signed-up can start a memory.
Where: Interdimensional Rift
When: May 27th - May 30th
Summary: The Heroes of Light relive some of their worst memories, with a twist. All characters participating in this will be physically missing from Crystallis for the duration of the event.
Warning: It depends on the memory.

Where you were or what you were doing— It does not really matter. Not any more. Everything around you freezes, nearly as if time itself stopped, as if the world was frozen in time. And before you have a chance to understand what is happening, you can hear a voice right behind you.

"Kali Shashidhwaja."

Should you turn around, you may see a child who seems to be the only one aside from you unaffected by what is happening. And as she stares right at you, it makes no doubt these strange words are aimed at you. But before you can reply to her, the world around you collapses. Reality twists and shatters... Or maybe you are the one who is collapsing and shattering away from reality as you know it. No matter what the answer is, it will only take a few seconds for you to find yourself sinking into a void, Crystallis vanishing into the distance. There is nothing but darkness as far as the eye can see.

And once again you feel different: all the powers from your Jobs are fading. Not only that, but you might find that your Crystal is gone and your clothes back to what they were before you woke up in Crystallis. It is silent, cold and before long it feels as though life itself is slipping out of you... And yet, slowly the world reforms around you. The darkness fades away and a new world appears, yet at the same time this is not a world.

This is a memory. The question is, is it yours or that of someone else?

Comments

[headfons]

Part Three

Everyone will be standing on a very unsteady ground, surrounded further than the eye can see... by a thick, gooey substance.

Within seconds, there's the sound of a little boy struggling to get free (warning for child death... poor John). After everyone takes a moment to recover from watching him slowly die, they all get on the Tartarus. It's not long after, there's a long discussion about how they're in the Qliphoth (feel free to watch the video!). Apparently this is where Tear's from.

Then, the conversation leads to why everyone wound up where they are; Jade is especially quick to question Ion about it, who says the pillar that was supporting Akzeriuth disintegrated. When he's asked how by a girl who some might recognize as Anise, he, Tear, and Jade, and Anise can only quietly look over at Luke.

"I- I don't know anything about it! I was just trying to neutralize the miasma! He told me that if I caused a hyperresonance there, the miasma would disappear...!"

Tear quickly responds with, "My brother deceived you. And you destroyed the pillar that supported Akzeriuth."

"No! That can't be..."

Ion solemnly chimes in, "Van ordered you to stand next to the passage ring. Those passage rings are what produce the pillars... Tear is probably right. I was careless. I never dreamed that Van would make Luke do such a thing."

Jade finally gives his thoughts, "I wish Luke had at least discussed it with us beforehand. Neutralizing the miasma could have waited until the residents were evacuated... Of course there is little point in saying that now."

A blond-haired young woman speaks up, "Yes... Akzeriuth is gone. Thousands of lives, lost in an instant..."

Luke appears to be on the brink of tears, "A-are you saying it's my fault...?"

Nobody says a word.

The redhead bursts out with, "It's not... it's not my fault! Master Van said... Yeah! Master Van told me to do it! I had no idea this would happen! No one told me! It's not my fault! It's not my fault!"

Jade walks away, and Tear quietly calls out to him. He only replies with, "I'm returning to the bridge. If I stay here, I'll just be irritated by some ridiculous ranting."

Luke calls after him, "What's your problem?! I tried to save Akzeriuth!"

And then the blond-haired girl is leaving, but only after saying, "Ever since you lost your memory, you're like a completely different person..." (well, it could be that he IS a different person...)

Luke cries out, "Y-you all couldn't do anything to stop it, either! Don't just blame me!"

Ion quietly responds with, "You're right. I'm powerless. But still..." Anise quickly chimes in with, "Ion! Don't even bother talking to him! He's not worth it!" And then drags him off.

Luke almost desperately looks over to the blond-haired man, "I-it's Master Van's fault! Not mine! Right Guy?!"

Guy can only say, "Luke... Don't make me think even less of you..." before walking off as well.

And then he's left with Tear and the blue creature -- only not really, since Tear is saying, "I was stupid for starting to think you had some good in you..." before leaving...

Luke's eyes have already started to well up with tear, by now, "Wh-why?! Why are you all blaming me?!"

The small creature by his side gives an attempt at stopping him from crying, by gently saying in a fairly high-pitched voice, "Master... cheer up."

"Sh-shut up! What do you know?!"

Well, apparently the little guy does know, "A lot of my people died because of me. So... I can understand what you're feeling, Master."

That hits a nerve, apparently. As Luke collapses to the floor, all he can do is sob out, "Don't compare me to YOU. Don't compare me to...Aah..."

Here have a Seeln

[wings_of_steel]

This might not be the best place to be for the woman right now, but it isn't like she intentionally stumbled upon someone else's memory. The longer hair confuses her, but after a moment, she recognizes the voice and face. The people are completely unfamiliar to her, however the red head only makes her tilt her head.

Selen couldn't relate to what he is saying, however, it seemed like in the memory, he didn't know what he was doing and was tricked into it. There's a grim expression on her face as she watched the scene play out. Not only did it put her a bit on edge, but it also made her wonder what Luke's world was like? Still, she probably would have scolded him the way these people had.

Even when you are painted in blood caused by someone else's calculations, you always had to shoulder that burden. Never forget that you had murdered people. At least, the him from the past (as Selen assumed from the memory) was different from his present self. Luke at the moment was someone who seemed well aware of that, but even for him, there was a time when he was like this.

It didn't faze her, it only gave her insight on what kind of person Luke was and how he turned out to be. The boy shouldered an extremely heavy burden of lives. She could understand that, seeing she had walked on a mountain full of corpses. Her blade was always dancing, and she was called the Dark Angel. She crossed her arms, wondering if she could find the young man, and perhaps engage with him.

She had a few inquiries for him if anything. She wanted to know what led to this and why it had to become that way. It was her own morbid curiosity. She would gladly share her own stories in exchange.

<3

[headfons]

He could be found stepping in where everyone had exited.

Maybe it was because he hadn't wanted to re-watch himself... The look on his face could imply that. But, really? A part of him had forced himself to become numb to things like that. He was still seeing those memories in his dreams; still watching John sink into that miasma-filled mud, still watching his friends walk away, still reliving the moments where he took lives against his will... and willingly.

So much had happened -- had changed -- since he became the person he was most currently.

When spotting Selen, there was a flash of surprise. Because seeing her was something he hadn't expected. While he'd grown fond of her, he'd yet to find a reason to feel guilt towards her. Usually those were the people in his dreams... Usually they were the ones he had to face in them. This one was very different, though... So maybe he shouldn't be quite so surprised, after all.

The first thing out of his mouth was an educated guess, "Guess... you've probably got some questions..."

hehe :x

[wings_of_steel]

Selen could see his form,and his expression pretty well. She's not sure if it's the best to ask questions, but he seemed like he was prepared for her barrage of questions, if she so chose to ask him. The woman turned towards him and walked his direction calmly, her expression remained as it was, neutral.

In a kind of situation like this, she knew exactly how strong it affected people. Selen herself had her own share of skeletons in the closet. Luke was a human being and he had the right to make mistakes. Even if those mistakes caused something drastic like this. However, she didn't seem to judge him in any way. She could tell that he had a lot of emotions about the whole situation.

"Yes, I can't say I don't have questions."

She replied giving him a small smile, "However, I don't believe it's something I should be asking, but rather something you wish to divulge to someone like me," she replied softly. There was a long pause before she added, "Do you require anything of me?"

[headfons]

Of course she had questions... It only made sense, considering what she'd just seen. He was pretty sure that anyone who wasn't in that moment in time, would have more than they could count. He still remembered how it had felt to see all of Auldrant with his own eyes...for the first time. There had been so many things he didn't know - still didn't, even in Crystallis...after having seen practically as close to the entirety of Auldrant as possible for most.

His situation had been different from most, indeed.

In spite of her question, he simply shook his head and began speaking, "I was... chronologically... seven years old, at that point. I didn't know much of anything, beyond what all I'd been told. My...former master, Van, had told me a lot of things. Told me he needed me...that I was going to become some... hero, if I did what he said. Without...even thinking about it, I listened."

His smile was sad, until it finally faded away as he turned his face so that she couldn't see it, "You just saw the result of that."

[wings_of_steel]

To her, his world looked like a largely vast but beautiful place. Yet, withing that place, there was always sorrow. It's not that much different from her own experience. She only kept her comments to herself, because it's not something that she should be asking without understanding the position of the person that was involved. On top of that, she had no right to judge. Compared to what he had done, her sins were much worse, but not to say that it wasn't a terrible experience.

"I see," she nodded in reply to his words, "It is only right to depend on someone that wanted you or needed you. Especially, if you are lost in life."

She replied, "Yes, and I am certain that you have understood the weight of your actions and how you must move forward with it?" she mused, "I did not know you had quite a past, Luke," but that didn't changed her opinions of him. She still thought he was a strong hard working boy who carried a large weight on his shoulders and she got to see that with this.

[headfons]

He was quiet for a moment...

After several seconds of thinking her words over, he finally shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was low, perhaps a little uncertain, "I'm not sure it was that I was lost in life. Maybe it was more that I was...completely blind, and refused to open my eyes. It took something as big as this to make me do so."

His smile was very wry. Again, it was nice to see that she wasn't judging him for something of the past. Though, at the same time, he was starting to realize that maybe a part of him wanted her to? Did he really still feel some guilt over it, in spite of everything he'd done? ...Maybe so. But he did know that it wasn't going to help to simply linger on feelings like that; he was quiet about that, instead continuing to contribute to the current conversation.

"This happened a while before I wound up leaving Auldrant, actually... I was able to really sit and accept the weight of my actions. After a lot of struggles, my friends and I managed to succeed in our journey. We had to shove aside our own feelings and sacrifice a lot of things, but...we saved a lot of people the day I left our world."

[wings_of_steel]

"Ignorance can sometimes cause harm. I don't disagree with you on that."

Sometimes people smiled that way because they have a lot on their mind or want to brush certain things off. Selen didn't need to judge even if he wanted her to. He was already aware of his mistakes. There was no need to add more salt to his wounds. She wasn't exactly the greatest human being herself, so she couldn't say that she had much of a say in the matter either.

"Sometimes, that is inevitable. In order to bring something much better,there are always sacrifices. No matter what, there will be lives lost, and people hurt. I'm glad to hear that you have been able to understand your situation and accept it. Struggling is also part of growing up."

She paused, "I think you've become quite the person, seeing how you were and how you are."

[headfons]

He knew there was no way to prevent lost lives, in the end. Everyone died eventually, no matter who they were; age, gender, personality... None of that mattered, when it came down to it. But that would never, ever stop him from trying to save everyone he could. When he spoke, it was in a quiet voice, "Heh, it wasn't easy, that's for sure... I'm just glad I was able to realize that, in the end."

O-oh... He was going to blinking at her, a dark blush forming on his face as he did. Looking to the side, he quickly spoke up, "It's nothing super special, is it? I just did what I needed to and kept moving forward..."

The scene was changing, prompting him to glance up -- Yulia City... Just before it truly started to unfold, he was adding in, "But... I'm glad you think so."

OTA

[shinrasfinest]

Where had he --or perhaps the right word might be 'who'-- ended up now?

Luke's was not the first, nor the last memory that Sephiroth was brought to witness. There was certainly something in common with all of them though, they all seemed to reflect some past event that had transpired for various other Heroes --most notably those that they might not want others to see. That they themselves might want to forget about as completely as they can, or at least attempt to carry on regardless.

This sequence of events, was no different in that regard but it wasn't as if Sephiroth could just leave and so it was all he could do to watch - occasionally glancing around at those that had also been brought to witness it. But his stern closed-off posture, with his leather-clad arms folded over his chest and silver-topped shoulders seemed to flinch a little at the unexpected mention of his name-

"...A Daathic seal. So this is another Sephiroth." What the-

He didn't know the people in the dream presented before him until Jade's appearance carrying the unconscious Ion but by the time that came around he managed to pin down a few of the other individuals involved - notably Luke and Tear, as he might well have seen them in passing in Crystallis previously. There were so many other Heroes of Light now it's little wonder there were some that he hadn't even met-

A breath was hissed in sharply as the scene went black; such devices generally meant that the stab was about to come and Sephiroth was not disappointed. As the ground of the Outer Lands began to shake and buckle in on itself, Sephiroth was transfixed and silent. All of those people that must have been killed - all down to the actions of one clearly misguided kid. When compared to the atrocities he knew that he'd come to commit later in his own life it seemed on a much more limited scale but that wasn't stopping the sick feeling that started to turn around in his gut.

When John sank into the miasma, he swallowed a bitter lump and momentarily looked away. The memory were all around though, there was no escaping it.

The sequence continued, regardless. The pillar -that was the Sephiroth to which they referred and so that small detail had been cleared up. But what didn't make any sense at all was how Luke was different in the next scene- indeed if it hadn't been for the ire that his friends had accused him Sephiroth might have thought it a completely different person.

He felt for them, uncomfortable as it was, for Luke could only blame Van and he understood that need for the boy to shoulder the countless deaths --of that young boy who had slipped away-- onto somebody, anybody else. Could it be one severe case of amnesia; the brain was after all a magnificent machine when it came to dealing with trauma? But he logic then settled on a detail from earlier on.

"...it's because, he's a replica." Was muttered much louder than Sephiroth had intended, at no one in particular.

[headfons]

Hearing those words, the more current Luke was tensing; he...didn't like hearing that. At first, he didn't say anything. Only looked to the side in silence with a tensed brow. He'd seen that person, before -- it couldn't be helped that he didn't know. He was basing his opinion on what he was seeing, as well as what he'd heard earlier on in the memory.

"...It's because I was stupidly naive," came the words in a tense, faintly trembling voice.

That was all he'd say, green eyes closing as he tightened his hands into tense fists. There was nothing more that he cared to say, because one of his biggest secrets had just been made known. His biggest regret had just been exposed to some guy he didn't know...and said guy now had some room to form an opinion. But Luke didn't want him to... Not when he didn't know everything about him.

Maybe that was why he'd spoken up in his own defense, of sorts...

[shinrasfinest]

"Hm."

Sephiroth hadn't thought that anyone would actually reply to his state-the-obvious comment, in fact he wasn't entirely sure that he had muttered those words quite so loudly so that others would be able to hear. He'd seen that Luke was present as well to see his own memory on show - that probably hadn't helped him.

"Perhaps." He eventually followed, finally turning his head in he direction of the red-haired boy. Silver framed Sephiroth's face and fell obediently back into place while bright, near-gleaming eyes peered all over him. He hadn't met Luke before, but now he felt obligated to at least offer some input. It was a personal thing, to be privy to someone else's dark past.

"Was it though? Naivety doesn't excuse amnesia. Stubborn refusal like that, begs the question if you really did know what you were doing."

[headfons]

That last sentence -- damn it...

Why did that have to be a good point? All he could do was internally stumble over some form of a response, until he was finally turning his head and looking away. A faint glare surfaced as he bit back a curse, only barely managing a hard swallow. But... it was after taking a moment to relax and force himself to think things through, he was able to release a long breath and speak in a calm tone.

"...I was only seven, but...I could have talked to my friends. I blindly followed the words of someone without ever properly thinking anything through. My biggest sin was that I didn't let myself think. It was...easier to follow the words of another person without...any thought to the consequences."

[shinrasfinest]

Given the weight of the disaster that Luke had caused, he was entitled to at least have a few moments to get his thoughts in order. Luke's reaction was almost a reflection of how Sephiroth had tried to stumble over the facts of his future as he now knew them, trying to match them up somehow so that they made any kind of sense other than the obvious; the mass death had no other excuse but for their own actions.

Except, as Luke rightly put it: he had been seven. It was in his past. As an adult of twenty-something, Sephiroth could never have naivety to cast a veil to soften any of it - and it wasn't like he could correct that which he'd yet to commit. He at least showed impeccable manners in averting his gaze away from Luke until he was ready to speak again.

"It's always easier to be led, than to lead." He resonated with that feeling somewhat, having always been ShinRa's elite SOLDIER and forever on call for that reason. "It's easy to brush it off as 'doing what you were told' but-"

Sephiroth paused for a moment, his thoughts retreating back to his own past rather than his future for a change as his time in Wutai was brought to the front of his mind.

"-Is that because you didn't know the consequences, or because you were conditioned not to think?"

[headfons]

It was as though the guy somehow knew exactly what questions to ask -- knew exactly which things would provoke the strongest feelings of unease. Luke's brow furrowed as he his stare hardened on the stranger. To some, it might look as though he was bravely facing down the the situation. But... Sephiroth might be able to see that he was just barely managing that "brave face".

Just as his lips part for him to speak, his voice gave away what his face had only started to; a hint of unsteadiness and...worry, "Conditioned...? Maybe... but..."

Everything he'd grown up knowing had suddenly been a lie. He'd been an only child. Then, he'd been the copy of someone else. He'd had two parents. Then, he'd had... no parents. He'd been a completely normal noble's son. Then, he'd been someone who was created. He'd had amnesia. Then...

He'd never had any memories to begin with.

"Looking back, that was... how it had always been. I'd been told what I should know, who I would become, where I would go in life. I lived in a world dictated by the Score. Everything anyone ever needed to know, they'd be able to find out by having the Scored read to them."

[shinrasfinest]

That Sephiroth's intuition still remained as sharp as ever was a small comfort at least. A hint that perhaps he hadn't fell away too much from the things that he had always thought important to uphold; cool intelligence coupled with quick-fire logic. Those were the only tools he had that had urged such questions and the fine cracks he saw in Luke's attempt to look brave only further verified that he had touched a nerve.

The silver haired man drew his posture up straighter as he carefully watched over Luke's entire frame while the mans own logic connected the dots. As Luke explained further, explaining about the Score, the skin between Sephiroth's slim eyebrows creased up anew. Scores. Fonic Hymns - it sounded just like another way to manipulate magic, and apparently alter reality as well.

"And this Score, set out your path and then placed you on it?" What a terrible existence, with no real will of your own.

[headfons]

It actually reminded him of... Van.

That overwhelming intelligence and quick wit - the way he seemed to be able to calculate every detail of everything around him, to the point where it seemed he'd be able to plan ten steps ahead of just about anyone. It... actually unnerved him just a little, if only because being reminded so very much of Van wasn't something even a little comforting. But... he wouldn't hold it against the other man. Instead, he'd try to be a little less insulting (since being compared to Van was...very unfair).

Luke nodded to the question.

"People would plan years ahead just based on what they learned the Score said. I was... destined to be killed in Akzeriuth. My family kept me locked away... and I wasn't supposed to leave home, until it was time to go there," he said with just a hint of numbness in his voice; it was a story he'd already told.

The redhead held a blink, a quiet exhale being given in that same moment. Was it easier to tell those stories each time? Not entirely. There were lingering feelings of resentment, even if they were small. He'd forgiven them... yet... he doubted he'd ever forget. Maybe that was why he was able to... not hate Asch - the original Luke - so much. It was difficult to hate another, when one couldn't help but wonder one thing:

Would he have turned out the same way, given a reversal of roles...?

In that moment, things were shifting; suddenly, they were entering Yulia City. As the next scene started to play out, Luke didn't... even bother to watch. Instead, he continued talking to the other man.

"...When I first met the one who shared my face, I never expected to learn that was the reason he looked like me. The thought that I wasn't entirely human... was almost too much to bear, on top of having just killed so many people against my will. And then... later, I learned that I was only created to ensure that he could live... Yet, I...wound up doing so much more than that."

He managed a weak smile.

<3

[goddessofthesky]

"L-Luke..."

Zelda recognized most of the people in this dream but it was no doubt something from Luke's mind. She felt her heart break as each one of his friends left him to his thoughts. She didn't know what whole situation and a few of the phrases made her what what they could have meant but she knew the gravity of Luke's pain.

So many people.

She watched the dream her expression thoughtful before glancing around as if looking for the memories owner. This wasn't the first place she had ended up and she feared it won't be the last.

"Luke?" The dream didn't respond to her.

<333

[headfons]

Dream him didn't respond, but the one having it was slowly walking up to her.

Another person he knew; he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about her, of all people, seeing that part of his past. Was he... afraid of how she'd feel? Ashamed, maybe? While he knew he wouldn't be who he was, if not for his past? Maybe...

...Or maybe it was that he was still afraid of letting people in, because it would make them closer. Though, he'd already expressed his thoughts to her about that, however. It was a little late, wasn't it? Heh...

His voice was quiet...soft, but hopefully loud enough to capture her attention, "I'm here..."

<33333

[goddessofthesky]

Zelda turned towards him and she felt relief wash over her. He was okay. At least he was unharmed, she knew that this sort of thing must have left a scar over his heart. She stepped up next to him looking up at her friend.

"Luke," Zelda knew the importance of the past, no matter how sad but it was the past. Luke was here now and it was him that she was going to focus her attention on. She slowly reached out towards him letting her hand rest over his as she looked up at him.

"Are you okay?"

It had to have hurt. Seeing his friends reject him again.

Zelda you're such a cutie xD huff

[headfons]

Heh... she really was such a nice person. She reminded him... almost a little too much of Ion, though. So, in spite of his smile, there was a hint of sadness in his eyes as he looked at her; it was akin to how he'd looked the first time he saw Ion again, while in the memory...

Too many times, he'd taken his friend for granted... and then he-

Zelda was right, however. It did hurt to see the same scene all over again. Her question had his brow briefly furrowing as he looked away, attempting to conceal the very telling expression on his face, "I'll-... be okay. I've had a ton of dreams about this...actually. So, in a way, this isn't the first time I've have to rewatch it..."

Managing a reassuring smile, he reached up and lightly patted her hand a couple of times, as though emphasizing his point, "Thank you."

She's worried about him!

[goddessofthesky]

"Just because you've seen this before doesn't mean you're used to it." She paused placing her hand over her heart. "It doesn't hurt any less."

Her voice was gentle but she could see the pain in his expression. It was an expression she's seen before. Her bright blue eyes shifted to the ground and she took a deep breath. She didn't have any advice for Luke, she just didn't want him to be alone through his pain. Everyone felt pain and no one deserved to feel alone.

Zelda's gaze shifted back up to him and her confidence was evident. "I'm your friend Luke. You need to face the pain but you don't have to do it alone."

butbut... he's fine... really! (is what he wants her to believe anyway...)

[headfons]

He didn't expect any advice or words of reassurance -- he'd come to terms with that all having been his fault. His mistake killed thousands of people, and nothing would ever bring them back. Or undo the pain that those left behind would have to face... every day. The mother of John... She'd never see her husband or son ever again...

Just as his own mother would likely never see her son...sons (he was sure she saw both he and Asch as a son)...ever again.

Looking down, he released a quiet sigh and nodded, "You're a good friend, Zelda. The truth is... I see this scene in my nightmares even to this day. And you're right -- it doesn't hurt any less, because I always wake up pouring sweat," a very wry smile appeared just before he uttered the next words, "and sometimes even shaking. I thought that time was supposed to heal these kinds of things, yet I'm still just as messed up by it as I've always been."

Awww, he can't fool her :p

[goddessofthesky]

"It can only heal if you forgive yourself Luke." She looked over at him her expression gentle but firm. "You blame yourself for this mistake. It's true that many are dead and that's a heavy thing to carry. You shouldn't forget them because through your memories they can thrive but you must carry this weight without letting it crush you."

Zelda took a step towards him, her gaze trained on him. "You have to forgive yourself." Which wasn't easy, Zelda knew that but it was what he had to do to keep going. She wanted him to keep going.

"You need to become strong. You need to keep fighting to save others." If he just gave up it would make all those deaths meaningless.

of course he can! look he's smiling! :DDD (also the dream is now taking the Bad Turn)

[headfons]

Her words were, as always, kind. While he knew she was right, however, it was easier said than done. The thing was, that... he thought he had forgiven himself. It wasn't until after seeing everything all over again, that he realized... he never fully had. What would it take to succeed...?

...What?

The last words out of Zelda's mouth sounded... strange. While it was in her voice, the tone sounded unlike hers. It was accusatory; very fitting of the words he just heard. Instead of hearing 'You need to become strong', he'd heard her telling him that he needed to 'consider the similarities'...

Finally, the entire last sentence didn't...even make sense to him. Why would she say that? Why would she say that he's responsible for... even more people dying? Instead of asking right away, he was going to simply stare at her for a moment. His breathing was suddenly turning just a little unsteady, "What...did you say...?"